[cyntaf]

I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We took a break over a year ago for a few months, but we realized we wanted to be with each other. During the break, as him and I were trying to get back together and working out our issues, he slept with another woman. This really hurt me and I had a hard time dealing with it. I eventually agreed to keep working on our relationship, but still to this day I feel cheated on, even though we weren't totally committed at that point. Throughout this whole year, I've always had concerns, not that he would cheat on me (I truly believe he wouldn't), but of me not being good enough, just basic insecurities with myself because of that situation. We had made an agreement a long time ago, that we both think of watching porn and cheating and we both strongly believed in it (at least I did.) I recently looked through his internet history, which I know was wrong, but I just knew something was going on, and I found porn searches. I confronted him about it and hes apologetic but I just don't know if I can ever really forgive him. He has completely broken my trust and my heart. I really feel deceived and cheated once again, and I'm not sure how to get over it. Is it time for us to call it quits and move on? It's hard to think that our amazing relationship would end because of this. But just the day before, I was insecure about something, and he kept saying how other women don't matter to him and how he would never want to look at another woman and I was the most beautiful. I'm torn on what to do.

[alwaysrejoice]

Porn is ruining so many relationships lately on here, including mine! At least yours apologized! I agree, I think it is cheating. Porn is addicting like a drug. When they look at it they aren't making and emotional connection to these women.... I know how hurt you are, I'm sorry this happened. I dont know you or him, but with a separation already and now this, I just don't see a happy ending in sight. Just my unimformed opinion.

[shannonh1028]

I wouldn't say that the relationship is over because he has been peeking at porn. Trust me I know it hurts when the one that you love is getting "his" by porn and not with you. My husband cheated on my a few years back and it was difficult to get over. He is still looking at porn and IMing the girls on the sites. Am I concernd, yes a bit. But it is not enough to say I want to walk away. Like you it is more my insicurities than anything. I know my husband loves me and the main reason he does this is because he works out of state and I only see him a few days a month at best.

Don't end the relationship because of trashy girls. Guys don't bring those girls home to meet the parents and they sure don't marry them. He is with you because he wants to be. It seems as if you feel that he would not cheat physically but the visual is bothering you. Have a good heart to heart about it and work through it.

Best of luck for you and your guy.

[alwaysrejoice]

Yes I am bitter. I have tried to talk to him but he just gets mad and he doesn't yell, but he acts like he's pissed and doesn't say much. You are very strong for being able to work through cheating and all that. I hope I can get over this. Have a great night and I hope you continue to post here on PC.

[OurLadysTears]

This is a situation that has always bothered me too. What I always have to keep reminding myself is that men and women are completely different sexual creatures (most of the time!). A lot of women can go weeks without sex and/or masturbation and be okay with it. To have a guy go weeks without sex and/or masturbation has to be hell! Most men are visual and that is where porn comes in. I agree, it sucks to think that he is visually fantasizing about these women, but it probably means nothing more to him than an aid to get rid of the built up tension. I always dream of a perfect world where temptations don't overcome us, but that isn't the world we live in. Some people have addictions, temptations, etc. they spend a lifetime trying to battle and we each have our own faults. To make a relationship work, you have to find some sort of happy balance and understand that some things are going to happen that you or him may not be fond of, but have to try to gain some sort of understanding from the others perspective. Everyone has their tolerance point and if this is simply something you cannot compromise on and something he cannot change, then calling it quits is your next option. Personally, I'd rather have my significant other masturbate to porn than trying engage in something physical with another woman. Although, it would be crossing the line if he was engaging in webcam chats and something a bit more personal.

[BlondeFairy]

Since he has agreed that he thinks watching porn is cheating then he did, indeed cheat. Maybe you guys shoould take another break. You may be happier this time without him. Im sorry you are going through this. Good luck!

[salukigirl]

I would not go so far as to say this is cheating. I think a lot of times girls forget that guys are just that.....guys. We have those urges, too and it's silly if you think you don't. Most of these things probably stem from your own insecurity. And most likely he has always looked at it but didn't want to hurt your feelings. He was probably trying to spare you.

I think that, if you don't deal with these feelings of insecurity, you will not ever be happy in a relationship. You need to realize that he is with YOU. If he wanted someone else, he'd go. He wants to be there but he is still human. He chooses to stay at home and masturbate to images rather than actually go out and cheat.

If you love him then this is something you have to work through. If all he is doing is looking at some porn I don't really see the big deal. But if he is looking at things that are terrible (i.e. child porn) then that is a different matter. I think that, instead of turning the blame over to him, I would take a deep look at why you feel so scared and threatened by things that aren't real.