[lexie86]

At what point can you no longer justify a relationship/ marriage? There is this saying that sometimes love is not enough, how many of you believe this?

For example, i have witnssed a couple risk there children lives by driving dangerously because they were argueing, the husband in question had cheated twice, once an emotional affair over the internet and the other emotional and physical. Lied a number of times, as did she telling him that they had money in the savings when in actual fact she spent it all. And a whole bunch of other incidences, but because she and he want the relationship to work they are willing to put up with anything.

I have stayed and gone back to someone, who lied to me, gave me thirty minutes of his time to break up with me, dumped me by giving me flowers, ignored me for weeks after i asked for his help , dumped me over the phone, while i tried to end my life he was having sex with someone else, and yet i still wanted and loved him, and that is just a small list of what he did to me! (the whole story is alot more complicated), and there is a amss of other incidences.

At what point do we draw the line and move on even though we still love the person?
For you guys out there what situation would make you leave even though you still loved the person, when is enough enough?

Why cant people realise that just because there is love there that the relationship is unhealthy?

[Perna]

What you describe is not love to me. Love is more action than just feeling. Talk and feelings are free but action is not. It's like being an overweight couch potato and deciding you are healthy.

Your phrase, "but because she and he want the relationship to work they are willing to put up with anything" tells the story. There's no "work" there, on either person's part.

[di meliora]

Hello, lexie86. An important question is why someone remains in a relationship he/she believes is unhealthy?

[lexie86]

Originally Posted by Elan Vital

Hello, lexie86. An important question is why someone remains in a relationship he/she believes is unhealthy?

I guess perhaps that dont see the relationship as unhealthy, and still believe that because there is love there the relationship should be fixable! I guess its like flogging away at a dead relationship, no matter what happens they dont know when to simply give up/walk away.

Perhaps the fact that they dont see the relationship as unhealthy, may indicate that is all they have ever known. Though they were at one stage madly in love and the relationship was exactly what they both wanted, they just want it back i guess. But unfortnately you cant undo the past, and sometimes we cant undo the pain we have caused to otehrs and vice versa.

[tohelpafriend]

when enough became enough, I realized in a romantic, "starting" (to be) relationship, that the person was lying and also had DID. I fought to be heard, to understand, to keep it alive because it seemed so possible, yet it was hurtful and I finally had to stop thinking with my heart and let reason decide that what some people do as per unacceptable behavior, they will always do; although there is change, yes, it takes alot of work. Counselling can be a mediator if both parties are committed to it. One person can never feel used up or used, manipulated or controlled. Bonds are hard to break, because we've invested in them and they have met some needs. I am determined not to repeat my mistakes.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by lexie86

At what point can you no longer justify a relationship/ marriage? There is this saying that sometimes love is not enough, how many of you believe this?

For example, i have witnssed a couple risk there children lives by driving dangerously because they were argueing, the husband in question had cheated twice, once an emotional affair over the internet and the other emotional and physical. Lied a number of times, as did she telling him that they had money in the savings when in actual fact she spent it all. And a whole bunch of other incidences, but because she and he want the relationship to work they are willing to put up with anything.

I have stayed and gone back to someone, who lied to me, gave me thirty minutes of his time to break up with me, dumped me by giving me flowers, ignored me for weeks after i asked for his help , dumped me over the phone, while i tried to end my life he was having sex with someone else, and yet i still wanted and loved him, and that is just a small list of what he did to me! (the whole story is alot more complicated), and there is a amss of other incidences.

At what point do we draw the line and move on even though we still love the person?
For you guys out there what situation would make you leave even though you still loved the person, when is enough enough?

Why cant people realise that just because there is love there that the relationship is unhealthy?

the questions you are asking are what is called here as being self interpretive.

Everyone has their own levels of what they can handle what they cant, what they consider to be love and when enough is enough in what they consider to be a bad relationship / marriage.

every culture also has their own standards for love, good and bad relationships. example what the Amish consider to be love and when its the right time to leave or stay in a relationship is different than say the general american culture.

every religion also has their own standards and views on love relationships and marriage and all issues that are part of being in love, relationships and marriage. example catholics believe one thing about these issues, Mormans another, jahovah wiotness ... they all have their own standards and views.

plus as human being we all have our over personal views on these issues. each person has their own personal views on whether they are in a bad relationship /marriage or not and whether they want to stay or go.

my opinion is that it isnt about whether a person knows the relationship / marriage is bad or not, most if not all people in failing, abusive or bad relationships know whether its bad. (otherwise they wouldnt hide the bruises, the affairs, the fights from the neighbors, from their children and family and friends.....) I believe its just a matter of a personal choice based on their culture, religions and their own tolerance levels and their own personal views.

the only one that can tell you when enough is enough and why someone stays goes back to or leaves their loves , relationships and marriages is the persons in the situation. and each situation is different.