[Fuertelover]

Last year both my daughter & my DIL started trying for a baby, both were 37 & my DIL already had two girls by a previous marriage, aged 14 & 15. In May this year our DIL told us she was pregnant, whilst we were on holiday, so it was on Skype & my son & her just held up a scan of the baby. We were thrilled to bits, as i thought I was never going to be a Grandma ! She phoned our daughter to tell her thinking she would be happy for them, but she wasn't & my son tried to phone her & she wouldn't answer the phone. We understood that she was v upset because she herself wasn't pregnant, but it has lasted, she said she didn't want us to mention them or the baby & she wouldn't see them. A couple of months ago she phoned my DIL, but she (DIL) was too upset to talk, as she has been since the beginning with the way my daughter has treated them. D then came around here & I suggested that maybe talking to DIL face to face might help, so very bravely she went round there. She tried to hug DIL, but never once apologised to her for treating them so badly, so once again there was no reconciliation.

I get very upset because this should be such a happy time, but all this ill feeling has spoilt it. We could have understood if she had taken a few weeks to get over it, as understandably she wished it was her !

I have looked forward to grandchildren for years & just feel I want this to be back to normal again, I don't know what will happen in the next two weeks when the baby should arrive. But just feel our daughter has ruined it, although I feel very sorry for her & wish she could get pregnant.

[OneDown]

Have they had conflicts in the past? It sounds like there is a lot of resentment there.

[Leed]

I understand why your daughter feels upset, but she was very cruel to your DIL and she certainly owes her an apology!!!

If she is having problems or can't get pregnant, why not look into adoption? I know that everyone wants "their own" but an adopted baby WILL be her own.

Perhaps you could have a "sit-down" talk with your daughter, and explain to her that her actions have caused ill feelings -- but that you understand her disappointment. She just shouldn't take it out on everyone else, especially DIL who obviously doesn't want the family torn apart by this. It's no one's fault that daughter isn't pregnant -- so she shouldn't take it out on DIL.

I'm sorry this has happened -- especially this time of year. God bless & prayers for a healthy baby! Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

I think the two of them need to work it out without everyone else giving their own opinions. Your daughter can feel hurt but I am a little worried about the whole "contest" thing that could be coming from you. You should not express sorrow for your daughter that she is not pregnant, there is nothing wrong with your daughter having/not having a baby! It is not bad to not have children. You may want all the grandchildren you want but putting pressure on a child to have grandchildren for you is not helping. It's not a school grade that can be made through hard study!

[Sanguinaire]

pretend nothing happened

[Fuertelover]

Originally Posted by Sanguinaire

pretend nothing happened

I am trying to do that, but it is difficult! The baby is due any day now &because it is a big thing in our lives at the moment, don't feel I can talk to my daughter, as she is unwilling to mention either her brother or the baby. I am hoping that after she is born, maybe things can get back to being reasonably normal. I have sat down & talked to her, but when she went round to DIL's she didn't apologise , so DIL was still very upset! Daughter doesn't want to discuss anything to do with alternatives.
They both had a good relationship with each other & used to discuss the fact they were both trying. Daughter just says that she wanted to be first for once, after being the second child & grandchild, but I am afraid that is life!!
Hoping for less stormy seas after this week.