[beauflow]

I have had many thoughts to day-- and right now I just had one that I just need to express due to I do not get humans fully (I am human I know, I do not get me fully so I fit in the category )

Any ways - Early I was talking to a Co worker about our supervisor- and that how if she is upset with us (an individual or group) she will "throw us under the bus" and say all the little things we have every done wrong and so one and complain about them and for days or weeks (or even months) be upset with us and add more and more to the fire for her to use- nit pick and stuff

This stuff triggers me- it is what my mother use to do so yeah some times i feel like punching my supervisor in the face but I keep calm....
Then more triggers me when my supervisor does not praise me but another that does less (if she praised someone that did more i would understand but someone that did less!!) or fake promises like a raise..... Any ways back on the subject of throwing others under a bus

But what I don't get is that my coworker started to complain how "she throws us under the bus"
and then he brought up an Ex-Employee---- After thinking back on some things I was like wait a tick- that ex-employee that we sobbed about has thrown me under the bus!!

Then I was like I am sure this co-worker i was talking to has done similar actions--Actually I can think of one right now that did not involve me but another co-worker to which this coworker I was talking to threw him under the bus with a lie ----- then I started to think about me--- have I thrown some one under the bus-- I know in the past with a few -- it may have seem like it-- I have a nack with if a person is not telling the truth and making me look bad or where I get in trouble- yeah I will call you out on it and use facts to save my butt (sorry it is something I learned as a child and in reality if I am being honest with facts not fabrications- it is ok)-- but Is that throwing some one under the bus? I am sure some see it as that way--- this ex-coworker that we spoke of got really upset when I pointed out some thing that she lied about which put me in jeopardy of being in trouble....

That stuff too is triggering to me- it reminds me of my siblings and I sadly.

I don't play well with others some times... I mostly try to be a lone and sit quietly- it is not till some one lights my fuse with fabrications, accusations or lies, that I get out right loud and explode...

sigh0- Just thoughts right now-

Are all places of work like this-- I have to keep asking that- I know that i have some things "wrong with me" as far as dx's goes but these "normal" people see SOME Of the things that I see----- or I think they are "normal" LOL

[Fresia]

I can relate to what your supervisor does through many interactions between family, coworkers, and supervisors. It sounds like:

"Gunnysacking"
Filed under: English, Colloquial
Part of speech: n.
Quotation: Gunnysacking is a term for storing up hurt feelings, anger, affronts and unresolved conflicts, and, when the weight of the psychological gunnysack becomes too heavy to bear, unloading it, often to an inappropriate degree in an inappropriate context.
From: The Double-Tongued Dictionary at www.doubletongued.org

It all builds up and then when one thing happens, all the anger and resentment from the past grievances come out too and making the current situation much more explosive than it should be. Or then use this information against you in some fashion even though they are personal grievances/feelings and not facts. It is important to learn to address things when they happen than to let them fester. It is a good tool to have.

Conflict resolution is a helpful set of tools for the workforce and in personal relationships:
http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_81.htm

It is not easy when others do this, but it is possible to manage and also recognize when doing this ourselves. Perhaps this might help.

[roads]

Originally Posted by beauflow

Are all places of work like this-- I have to keep asking that- I know that i have some things "wrong with me" as far as dx's goes but these "normal" people see SOME Of the things that I see----- or I think they are "normal" LOL

You think they are "normal" ... I work in a library, which ought to be fairly stress-free. Books & stuff, everything's free--should be great.

Of the 14 people I work with closely, I'd say 2 are probably "normal" or at least very high functioning. People are thrown under buses all the time. My boss got so furious at me once she was trembling as she tried to get the words out--if she had thrown things or hit me, I wouldn't have been surprised--& I'm still not sure what I did that merited that degree of near-rage.

I won't even get into the patrons, except to say one tried to get me fired to avoid paying a $20 fine. Fired! Yup.

As for your question about is calling someone out who's lied about you throwing them under the bus.... I don't think so. Facts are facts & lies are lies. Setting the record straight about yourself isn't sabotaging someone else, it's merely stating the facts.

It's not a very nice world IRL a lot of the time. Sure glad I can come to PC & hang out with folks like you.

(((beauflow)))

thanks for your post. i have also been the subject of office abuse. at first, i thought it was my superior trying to give me a message to work more efficiently. but, it wasn't. the message was that i was no longer wanted as an employee because they had decided to change the job description. i worked harder and harder and received more and more negative feedback. i became stressed out and eventually yelled at my boss about being mistreated and was fired.

all i can say is that, in the future, i will take a hint. if you don't want me then i will immediately start looking for another job. life is too short to work for mean bosses. managers who resort to meanness are displaying sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies and some seem to even enjoy being mean. run away from these people as quickly as possible for one's owm good. for years now, i have suffered from complex PTSD because of people like that. don't erroneously think you can salvage the job by accepting mistreatment. just get out as fast as you can.

[Perna]

It sounds like this work situation is not the greatest for you :-) I would find another situation where I felt the people either were more genuine or at least were not under-the-bus types?

One thing I have learned is that other people cannot hurt us if we know who we are and are genuine. Someone else calling me a liar does not make me a liar. Someone else saying I did or said X, Y, or Z does not mean I did or said that. If I work in a place where other people do not see that I am honest and take another person's word about my behavior rather than looking at my behavior, I do not want to work there!

A nit-picky boss would be just a lot of noise over my head. If it was uncomfortable to work there because of my past experiences and/or I had not learned to be "myself" yet and handle it, then I would move on to somewhere else, would make a different plan for my work life, start working on doing something else, somewhere else. Set a date to get out of there and make a plan to follow to get elsewhere.

[beauflow]

Fresia you explained that so greatly

And I must admit-- At times I can allow myself to get into such a thing (bringing up past issues with a current problem), but that is usually home-- not work (i try best to distant myself with work), and at home I counter think and try to remember the temp resolution we had at that time even I was not fully satisfied with it... But I listen to the other party.

RoadRunner- that is ludicrous $20- geez..... I know not all the people I work with are persay the "normal-ist" but IDK some days....

Unhappyguy and Perna you guys make a good points-
Several times i wonder if my supervisor wants me to leave.. get rid of me in some form-- but I continuously get told- That is not the case--- It is just she is the way she is--- and I am one of the few that "cant let the stuff go" go as easy as others.

and i have been told for a few years now even by other employees- I don't belong in this work place-- I have not given up, I have not stopped doing with how I do my stuff- get it done... I have been told by many basically i could do better with how serious i take procedures and such---

And I understand that if that is what someone says- does not mean I did-- But at times the person that says things is taken more than the truth-- which is the sad fact with life and humans I guess at times...

Thank you all --
Ya know the other day when I could not sleep and was waiting to got to work, I had some pretty psychotic thoughts ( i tend to have self harming thoughts but to a little extreme as in doing it front of my supervisor or a group of managers) but i was having these thoughts and said to myself " Self I am tired of this- being so mad, enraged at times, having thoughts of such due to work - the people at work!" --- I am really thinking about going back to school this coming new year even though I have a lot of things going on with finances right now.. and right now I am thinking about knitting some things and trying to sell them as well-- (I am not sure on this but I get told by some that I make cool stuff so I am finally going to try it out-- if i do not succeed that is ok- I like to knit to take time away some days-- and if they don't sell I am sure there are some family or friends that would appreciate the items, and I already have the starting so I am not spending much on this if I do spend anything).

IDK I am looking more at the community college near me-- I just don't know what todo and I know for 3 years now I have said I will go over- fear of failing is a big thing of not going over and stress... but I am at some days about to break- this year at my job, It has been worse--- it is like an eye opening thing--- I don't belong here, this is not a good fit, and I need to move on... SO I think I will set up an appt with a counselor/aid person at this community college to get started-- perhaps they can help with where I could go-- maybe I should ask my T what she thinks I would do in cuz I am utterly lost on where to go-- I feel like I am still 18, IDK what to do, where to go--

All I know is right now with this job- it is not going well.... has not been since I started LOL which should had been a big red flag but I have stayed- Finishing my 4th year.... omg.. how sad

[Perna]

Originally Posted by beauflow

IDK I am looking more at the community college near me-- I just don't know what todo and I know for 3 years now I have said I will go over

Whether you "fail" or not is self-defined. What else are you doing with your time besides trying something you would enjoy? If you want to go to school, do so! It is like people who do not write because they are afraid they won't be any good; that's not why one writes; one writes because one wants to write. If one wants to study X subject or get Y job that requires X subject, then one focuses on the want and moving toward it and the other stuff falls in place.

If you were going to school, you could concentrate on your school work (instead of worrying so much about the drama at work) and you would not notice the stuff going on around you at work so much. Do your own thing, always! Make a plan for yourself and what other people are doing doesn't apply because they're not part of your plan.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by beauflow

I do not get humans fully (I am human I know, I do not get me fully so I fit in the category )

I know exactly what you mean. Humans are the bane of my existence.

Screw you, humans! I'm going back to my own planet.