Help! I need advice.

Okay, I apologize in advance, as I'm sure this will be a long post.

My in-laws are driving me mad. Seriously.

My husband and I married 6 months ago. We are both 21. At the time, my relationship with my in-laws was good, maybe even great. I really looked forward to being a part of their family. My husband is the 4th of 8 children, the oldest being 29 and the youngest is 7. It wasn't until we had been married a couple months that problems really started. We bought a house in a town 9 hours away from where they lived, and 12 hours away from my family. My parents are very hands off, and we only see them once a year, maybe twice. My husband has actually only met my parents 3 times, not by our choice but by theirs. His parents are very involved. They decided to move to the town that we live in, and they bought a house here. They still haven't sold their old house, and my FiL asked me to homeschool the 7 year old while my MiL worked on selling the house. That was in August. She had supposedly been homeschooling him prior. (She has a masters in education and "homeschooled" all of her kids, with the exception of my husband and a few of the older kids) When he came to my house, he knew nothing. Couldn't read, didn't even know lower case letters, had no clue what addition, subtraction is, etc. That frustrated me but now he is reading and can do complicated addition and subtraction problems, through a TON of hard work. The house is still not on the market, and they can't afford both houses so they're putting one of their mortgages on credit cards each month. They estimate that they're already in $200,000 worth debt. So then my MiL goes out and buys a brand new Camarro for my FiL. (Who didn't need a new car, and can't even drive all of his kids in his new one, they don't all fit.) She visits here and wants me to come over to the house EVERYDAY so she can teach me to "cook". One day we put a frozen lasagna in the oven. Seriously. Like I don't have enough to do. My husband told me to stand up to her because she won't take him seriously when he tells her I'm busy, so I do, nicely. I just told her I wanted to get some errands run and Schon needed to work on school so we were going to stay at my house today. And you know what she said? "Well, I might as well just drive back down south today all by myself..." Ugh. I was so fed up that my husband and I told them we weren't spending Thanksgiving with them and they freaked. Now, for the past two days, when I've gotten up early waiting for the 7 year old to come, no one brings him. I've had to go get him after waiting. Yesterday my FiL told me that they had decided to give me a break and let me sleep in, but NO ONE TOLD ME. I'm so frustrated and they don't get it, even when I calmly and politely explain that I'm used to having more hands off parents and I'm not used to spending so much time with family, and also that if they decide not to bring the 7 year old over I would like a heads up so that I'm not waiting for him. I don't know how else to handle it, and it's stressful for my husband and I because we love them but they're doing everything the opposite way of how we see things needing to be done. It wouldn't be a big deal if they were living a life seperate from ours, but they're so integrated into our life that I feel like all of their decisions impact all of mine. I just don't know what to do. Help! I know I can't change them, but I need to change my attitude somehow and I don't know how to do it.

You may not be able to change them but you can start to make serious boundries so you protect your sanity. Need to find what you need and what you can handle and then set firm boundries. They will not be happy at first but will get used to it. You must stand firm though so before you make these rules/boundries you must consider them and whether you can stick to them without question.

It will be hard but right now thats the solution. You might want then to have a family meeting maybe after a dinner and then talk to them about it. Probably thats the perfect thing to start the New Year with...let it rest thru the holidays and this also gives you a chance with hubby to work on boundries you want enforced.

Good luck and blessings;

clearly boundaries have been overstepped to the point where your being taken advantage of.
if i were you i would have a talk with the ils with your hubby present and tell them your not there doormat.
keep us posted (((hugs)))