how to change a insecure relationship to a secure one

Hello,
The problem most face with relationships is what is called domestic temper.To simplfly it means the right to being right.This course always brings confrontaion and arguments.
The solution to domestic temper is to take the stand of treating close ones as you would say your boss.A strong incentive controls tempermental acts.
Domestic life would be serene if it not for the issues of right or wrong.
We have been married for forty years now and yes we still have some temper,but now it is recognized and held down to a tolerable level.
there is a book by Dr.Abraham Low,peace over power in the family.This is a must for families today who suffer from domestic temper.
The divorce evil would be mostly eliminated if society dealth with domestic temper firmly

I believe what you are talking about is a symptom of a deeper, underlying problem. The need to be right (one up) or a high conflict, controlling nature etc... is the outward behavioral manifestation of a person who never developed healthy coping strategies to certain powerful stressors early in life. Abuse, trauma, abandonment etc... in childhood will have a unique damaging effect and will elicit a different self-preserving response for each child depending on their own genetic mental makeup. How they carry this into their adult lives will determine their level of success regarding interpersonal relationships. Unfortunately, there is no easy way for society to "deal" with this problem other than to educate people so they can better avoid or insulate themselves from its toxicity. Personality disordered people are not motivated by a desire for peace. They thrive on manipulation, conflict, chaos, idealization and devaluation. Their "temper" is merely one of the many poison arrows in their quiver.

Italians have an expression for this, they say people want to win (an argument) by force, strongly implying even though they know they're wrong. I figured out after many years in therapy that my mother didn't care so much about being right, as she cared about winning. If I switched sides and agreed with her, then she would switch to the OTHER side, just so she could still get the thrill of a win. My dad ALWAYS gave in, as he put it, "because someone has to keep peace in the family". But mostly he ran the household (cooked, cleaned, did the shopping, gardening, paid the bills) so it's not like there were arguments over stuff, mostly just about my brother, I think. *I* am the perfect wife, I just can't find the perfect husband to match me!