what is wrong with me.

this story is extremely pathetic, but oh well. basically, last year i lost a guy i loved. i had liked him for a year and a half at the time (almost 3 years now) we never even went out...which makes it even more pathetic. a few weeks before that happened, i went out with someone, and got played...i was with him for a week. so after i guess i just assumed everything would be fine, and things would still be okay with me and the other guy. 3 weeks later, the other guy got a girlfriend, and it took me a week to find out. over a year later, theyre still together. since then, ive had so many problems. im depressed all the time, except for when i like a guy and i think he likes me. pathetic, i know, but i cant find a way to change it. but anyways, last year, it got to the point where i was getting suicidal. but then, out of nowhere, i just had no emotions anymore. i talked to the guy every day, (i still do) and whenever he talked about his girlfriend, i felt nothing. eventually, that feeling took over everything. its extremely hard for me to express true emotions towards anything. whenever i give what seems to be an emotional response to something, its fake. nothing even seems to matter anymore. i go through school every day like a zombie, just drifting through the day. and i hate being home...so when i am, i stay in my room all afternoon. but at the same time, i dont want to leave my house...i dont want contact with anyone really. if i didnt hate being at home so much i would want to switch to homeschool. another thing, i also barely remember any of last year. maybe thats just my brains way of covering up all the pain, but i didnt tell it to do that. i dont ever tell myself to do anything like this anymore, it just happens. its like my emotions, conscious, and unconscious are all separated from my brain and each other, and theyve developed minds of their own that i have no control over. i also get anxiety about freaking everything. ive developed ways to not think about things i know will make me anxious, but again, i didnt tell myself to do that. hmm, well i guess if i dont think about it its not really an issue anymore...i dont know. something else, i literally have no motivation to sleep. its midnight right now, i have to get up for shool in 5 1/2 hours, and im still not done with my homework. i would think sleeping would be all i want to do, but not really...i just want to know whats wrong with me and whats going on in my head. im confused = biggest understatement of all time.

I really think you should seek help (can't sleep/drift threw the day) sound like you are depressed and don't know it. But one thing i can say is don't look for happiness through a person because you will always be let down...Look for happiness from within. When you are happy with the person you are then it's easy to share emotions with others. That is something i have been getting over myself (looking for happiness threw a person). I am loving myself now and working on me so i can be a better person. I think that is alot of people issue looking for happiness through others and not yourself...I hope this helps out alot...