[Joannof3]

I have been dating someone on and off for 4 yrs..I think something is going on between him and one of his family members..she lives with her parents and he lives practically in the backyard...neither married or have kids but she is in her late 30's and him almost 40...he never stays the night with me ..I hate feeling this way and I have no proof..when I asked him about it ,..woooo he got very very upset..they are very close and he says im jealous but I would call it insecure ...he tells me he loves me but even if its 2 am he will up and leave and go home ..do you think its just me ?should I worry? he gets very upset that I dont trust him but I dont feel he has given me reasons to trust him ...if he loved me then why am I here and he is there? thanks ..one more thing ...we are broke up right now and Im having a real hard time dealing with it . if someone could help me learn to get over him ...it would be greatly apprieciate...thanks again

[rebecca8]

whenever a guy becomes very very upset that you don't trust him, i think there may be a really good reason why. what do you mean by "something is going on" with him and his family member?
it sounds like he's trying to turn it around, and make you seem like you have the problem......what's the word......deflecting? but, i don't know the whole story. you seem to be trying to listen to your intuition, but are afraid. i'm starting to think that's the worst fear to have.
about 2 years ago, i was involved with a guy who said to me, "It really upsets me that you don't trust me." As soon as I heard that, a little bing!! went off in my head. Yet, I still cried over him every night for about 3 months. A year went by, and it seemed like a fog had lifted. I'll tell you what I did to get over him. I wanted to call him so badly for the longest time, and actually did a few times before I got the hang of the little game I made for myself. I started out by trying to go a week without calling....then 2...3... a month...finally never again. In the mean time, I cried to sleep ALOT. I also wrote him letters, but never sent them. Just to get the thoughts out of my head. Music is a great healer too. Some people even use the ex as an initial motivation to better themselves. Embarrassing as this is to say, I thought, oh, I'll get in shape, change my hair, blah, blah, blah...then he'll love me. But, that only got me started on sort of a self transformation. Now, I want something even better. It's like taking yourself off the market, and getting all "souped" up for when the BEST one comes along. It's kinda fun now. So, that's another idea. If I think of any more, I'll let you know. Wishing you some restful nights. Take care.

[Joannof3]

thank you so much Rebecca8 for your response.You hit the nail right on the head about him blaming me ..he always tells me that we are doing good untill I start bringing in all my problems.he tells me if he wants to stay allnight he will and if he doesn't he won't..thats when I decided that I diserve so much more ..We get along so good and its sad that he cant just tell me the truth..I have wasted so much of my life ..I'm afraid that he is just using me because he knows that what he is doing at home isn't right and I am like a decoy to make others think it's not happening..If he doesnt tell me the truth as to why he can't stay then why should I trust him? he tells me " I listen to everyone else except him" I know the answer and I'm trying so hard to just realize that he didn't respect me enough or love me enough..thank you so much you were very helpful ..have a great day! the things I have seen to make me feel the way I do is something I would tell you in private message but not on here ..I'm right and I know it ..he is a loser lol