[Silent_tsol]

Ok so things have been going well with the bf and I. Every so often I'll think about something he did and smile a little because it's exactly what I asked for.

But each time I do this I pull back.

Like yesterday I was having a health issue (nothing serious) and usually when it comes up, although I know he's concerned about me, his comment usually reflects how it affects him. But he called ME to check how I was doing, offer suggestions and sympathies. There wasn't one mention of the external factor. So that's great right?

But my reaction is to grab an invisibility cloak and flee the country. How do I stop being afraid that bad things always follow positive growth?

Just needed to get that out of my head. Maybe I can come back and realize I'm driving myself crazy for no reason

[beauflow]

Silent Tsol-- perhaps the whole running away thing after he does something so nice and caring, is the thing of getting close, and losing him in the end

I can do this with my boyfriend's mom that I have noted conciously.. She is nice, she hugs me bye, she says it has been a pleasure seeing me and to come back-- and I poke her with a stick and still stay distant.
My thing is that I don't want to get close, for fear of having to lose someone again- and to lose a mom figure that is a good person- that would just hurt

The thing is -- my fear and poking the stick is actually making that a reality in ways--- I hope ten years from now I am still now doing this to her-.. It is ok to let people get close I keep telling me It is very hard but it is-- and I guess the idea of what happens happens-- is another thing- we can not predict the future

I am not sure if this relates to you but hugs to you-- I am sorry you are having a difficult time

Also when my boyfriend gets too -- well I guess caring I get suspicious as in- what did he do, what does he want and so on-- I realize that this is me and my cycle with my past and family--- my boyfriend is his own individual- just due to I had many hurt me in the past that should had been close and not, does not mean that this person that I observed for years and finally got together with, will do the same

Best wishes- I do wish you well and a huge hug to you!

Stay grounded

[shezbut]

(((Silent Tsol)))

As my T puts it, the behavior that was once necessary to protect you and entirely appropriate in that time, isn't working for you anymore. But, it's an engraved behavior in your psyche. It takes time and a lot of practice ~ as well as a healthy behavior to replace it with. That takes patience and work.

As time goes on, you'll probably continue to experience this same scenario. Be mindful that your emotional reaction is normal. The experience should ease with time and practice. Best wishes sent to you!