Can a cheater change. . .

I found out revently that my boyfriend of two years cheated on me several months ago. by cheated, i mean he slept with someone else. I Know for a fact that it did only happen once, and that they stopped talking after. He also is in therapy for it, and because he may have a sex addiction. Recently I moved to my hometown and he also moved without me asking because he wants to work on our problems. Weve never fought about anything and had a healthy relaitonship, or at least i thought.
Hes doing all of these things and says hed never do it again, but i know guys say things like that.\

So I just wanna know if cheaters can change, if its worth my time to try to patch things. How can I stop blaming myself, and stop being so sad. What do I do? Ive never felt this low. . .

Has he been open with you regarding the circumstances of the situation? I mean, was it a drunken night out, or was it a friendship with another woman that turned into something else? I'd say that his moving to your hometown and getting himself into therepay is a decent sign that he wants to work on your relationship. Why do you or he think he has a sex addiction? Because of the affair or because of something else (i.e., porn)?

You're quite young. I wouldn't worry too much about your situation. If he initiated the therapy (and the apologies), that's a good sign. But it's not necessarily a bad sign if it came from you. He's agreed to therapy and it sounds like he's genuine in his expressed desire to be with you.
I would be highly sceptical of the "sex addict" label and the value of therapy at his age. Especially at 20, the sexual drive is as powerful as it will ever be for a man. If he were 40 say and you'd been married 15 yrs then you'd have more to worry about. So, the short answer is, in your case, once a cheater doesn't have to mean always a cheater. Talk it through with him and in future, don't let problems fester because things that don't get discussed can be the pebble in the shoe of a relationship. Good luck, don't sweat it.

Om sorry you have to deal with this. It does seem like he's taking positive steps to avoiding this in the future. That said, it's a long, hard road ahead. I found out about my bf cheating last year and we still have ups and downs. Be sure that he's ready to be in it for the long haul.

You may want to consider couples counselling even just for the short term. Strong communication skills will help with things infinitely.

It sounds like you could use some counselling of your own to get to know yourself better and work on your self-esteem? What others do is never our fault, their actions are the result of their own choices. It is sad when our trust is betrayed, but if you are hopeful of working things out, if that is what you want, then you should be feeling energized a bit about that positive opportunity?

Oh I completely missed what Perna quoted above. I absolutely agree. One of the worst things that came up when I was in your position was how isolating it is. There's a whole slew of people just waiting to tell you your an idiot for even considering continuing the relationship. I promise I was one of those people too, but you never really know how you'll react to something until you find yourself face to face with it. I told one friend who I knew wouldn't judge my choice and she was stunned. Not that I wasn't but she really couldn't find anything to say.

And self esteem, a year and 4 months after his cheating and I still haven't rebuilt it. I still question, as recently as yesterday, the stability of our relationship. And it's not for lack of effort on his part, but he's still there to reassure me.

I saw a counsellor for the first time in my life. I just felt like I couldn't go on. And even having someone to talk to and time to focus on me helped considerably. That's something else I should have said. Give yourself time to rebuild yourself -dont jump straight into working on the relationship. Be gentle with yourself