[lost&found]

My neighbour(age 26) admitted that he likes me through a text msg the other night, although I(25 years old) have never verbaly or physically showed him that I like him too, but i am very shy around him. He asked me whether I am seeing anyone and I asked him the same question he said he wasnt, I said that I wasnt either. He told me that the only thing that is worrying him is the fact that we are neighbours and he doesnt want to make things awkward between the two families (His and mine) if things do not work out between the two of us. He said he will call back to discuss things but he never did. He saw me the other day waiting for the bus offered me a lift as he usually does (sometimes I accept and other times I dont) but this time I did not accept his offer because he didnt call back. On Christmas day, I send a forward msg to all my contacts wishing them a Merry Christmas, he replied back saying: " How nice. The best message I have received so far. Same to you sweetheart." I didnt reply back. On that same day in the afternoon I was going out, and I saw him with another girl infront of his house that I had seen him with a week before. As soon as he saw me he looked pale and as if someone had showered him with hot water. I guess he wasnt expecting to see me. Later on his mother comes knocking on our door to give us some Christmas sweets. She was acting awkward and nervous and she told us she cant stay for long coz she is tired and they have "friends" over. Which made me wonder, if you are tired and you have people over at your house why go through the effort of coming over to give us sweets when clearly you can come any other day. I mean we only live next door and it all seemed a little bit too fishy for me. Plus, why are you telling us you have people over when we didnt ask you. It also seemed to me that she was trying to sus my reaction out and to justify what I had seen earlier. We both come from the same culture and we both are family oriented people. In my culture marriage is a very important part of our lives. He had told me before that he built the house they are living in now ( next door to my house) because he wants his kids to live in a friendly neighbour hood. So he clearly is thinking ahead, he gets nervous when he is around me... Im a good looking girl and he is a handsome guy. But, who is this girl I see him with? Why does he send me flirty msgs back? Why does he only offer me lifts? why doesnt he call or initiate contact besides asking me for lifts? And, how could I find out about this girl without making it obvious that I care about knowing or that would not make me feel stupid or that I like him. I do not want to show him all these feelings and emotions because if I do and his reaction was blunt or arrogant I dont want to get my feelings hurt. I'm a sensitive girl and I dont want to feel like im clingy or want to know who that girl is especially since he didnt identify what I mean to him yet.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by lost&found

But, who is this girl I see him with? Why does he send me flirty msgs back? Why does he only offer me lifts? why doesnt he call or initiate contact besides asking me for lifts? And, how could I find out about this girl without making it obvious that I care about knowing or that would not make me feel stupid or that I like him. I do not want to show him all these feelings and emotions because if I do and his reaction was blunt or arrogant I dont want to get my feelings hurt. I'm a sensitive girl and I dont want to feel like im clingy or want to know who that girl is especially since he didnt identify what I mean to him yet.

Ask him, anyway.

If his reaction seems "blunt or arrogant" maybe it is because he is nervous too. Maybe.

[Severijn]

Some guys have a hard time initiating a date/contact. Often when they are a little nervous and really like someone.

If you really like him, you should ask him to go out sometime. Some guys are nervous in the beginning, but are great mates when the whole beginning courtship is over.

I'd give it a chance and see how it goes. One or two meetups can't hurt family relations I would think.

That other girl is probably just some friend. And he became pale probably because he thought that you now think he is going out with someone else. That probably bothers him, because he likes you and not that girl.

[lost&found]

So why hasn't he initiated contact yet. If a guy can ask a girl for a lift he surely can ask her for a cup of coffee ... it's just a different word. And shy??? why would he be shy he is a construction worker he talks to thousands of people during a day, all of a sudden some young girl next door who is too shy to even look at him is gonna make him shy and nervous. I mean it is obvious that I like him, I go quiet when he is around & i smile a lot :S And as for asking him out or asking him bluntly who that girl was I know I wouldnt do that, I just need to find a way to know who she was without looking too curious. I just cant find the right words to ask or a smart way to get him talking ... see I'm more nerous than he is... :S

[Irreplaceable]

This is how I would casually bring the other girl up:

First, make small talk...Then, I would say something like, "Oohhhh, so I saw your girl with you the other day"***lol & giggle***...Just make it seem like you're kinda poking fun at him...Bring it up casually...

I would hope he isn't stupid enough to ask you out and have a girlfriend that comes over.....

Edit: Men do not always initiate contact..You have no idea how many times I'be been out, where ever, and a guy will stare me down but not say anything to me or approach me...I don't know why they do this, but they do it...Believe it or not, men can be intimidated by women...I've had someone admit to me that they were intimidated by me which is why they didn't say much around me....And I was shocked because he is a very attractive guy...Men don't always have to be the ones doing the approaching...And they get intimidated just like we do...

Give him a chance...Him asking you for a ride could have been him initiating the opportunity to ask you out...If you are both shy, you two will never get anywhere because the other will always be scared to say something...Step out of your shell...If he has showed interest in you, and you are interested in him, girl you better go get him...LOL...I used to be shy...And let me tell you, I got tired of saying "What if" when he came to guys...Because I was always scared to approach them..The worst that they can do is reject you...9 times outta ten a man will not reject you if he is single and already expressed interest in you...Private message me if I can help further...

[unaluna]

It is awkward. I guess he was trying to find out if you liked him, but maybe he feels he received a negative reaction, and that it was not a good idea to ask his parents to approach your parents, because he felt you were not interested? But then when they saw your reaction to the other girl, they realized maybe you did have positive feelings for him.

What I want to say next seems like it does not apply because of cultural differences, but I really think it crosses all cultures. Some years ago I was watching the TV show The Bachelor, and one of the girls was very open about her feelings, and the other was not. The boy chose the girl who was open (although I don't think it was the final episode). I was shocked myself at how open she was, but really she wasn't saying anything wild or weird, just being honest and truthful. Which is not how MY family is, but I have found out that my aunts and uncles and cousins are different from how things were in my house.

So there is more to marriage than looks, believe me! Think more about what kind of person would suit you.

[Lyzzyy]

You should just take a chance and ask him directly you cannot read his mind.