[Gekkou]

I'm about to get married in 5 months, and I feel like I am sabotaging my relationship with the best guy I could ever hope to know. He's been my best friend for years, but he's completely clueless when it comes to helping me during this tough time (the depression, not the wedding). I feel like I intentionally push him away at times and then I'm upset when he isn't around to help me put myself back together. I need to find a happy medium so that I can save my relationship.

[Callmebj]

I'm sorry you are having a problem with your SO and if you have known him for a long time; he should know your moods...and how to react or not act with your depression.
All of us want our own space at times, and hopefully it's not just when we are depressed.

Do speak to him about this and let him know your feelings. Men are sometimes really
wanting to fix things for their women...and can wear you out trying. Maybe he only needs to listen. If that is your expectation, let him know. And of course, maybe he
needs some emotional help from you now and then too.

[beauflow]

Geekkou-- HUGS--

I have only been together with my boyfriend for 3 years this coming feb, BUT I do find TALKING TO him with A LOT that is bothering me, even the dark times if I CAN -- (I WRITE Him letters as well and then he reads them to me, and we talk after words he had read the letter with me in the room- IT IS Very hard but it is communicating- just saying - Writing is easier for me at times than talking). BUT I get my emotions out, I tell him what is up- What is bothering me- What MAY have been misunderstood by me or him- AND I always end my letters with a some what solution possibility and that I LOVE HIM and that I want to be better and that with some things I do need his help or acknowledgement on things--

I am sorry that is long- BUT talking-- I can tend to "sabotage" if I stay quiet by doing things that I DONT even Realize till he brings up that I am being distant or trying to pick fights about stuff with how I am talking and acting. YEAH this has started some fights (very few but still it is due to I am so in my head) but when I cool down, realize that he maybe right and re-look at me; I sit down and talk with him about my emotions and how i feel-- He cares, he loves me, and he finds my side as well with things a lot.

SOME Times PEOPLE that are CLOSE have no CLUE what is going on in OUR HEADS_ This EVEN with some that KNOW us very WELL.... But They are not mind readers.

If there are little things (LIKE When I get down with the blues (i don;t like to say depressed I am sorry) but a clean apt is a little helpful) Through the years , I have complained enough about it and talked to him-- he tends to see IF he can when down, and he will start to make an extra effort I have noticed-- I am not sure if this intentional or a nature of him picking up things and trying to make a little happiness in me to make me feel better... idk. but it helps a little - It is not another thing for me to complain about

Ugh- I am sorry I wrote so much- I hope you can understand what I am saying and can maybe relate to something in there to help out

Either way-- I WISH YOU THE BEST AND CONGRADS!!!

Communication in a relationship is really a big thing to be great (ANY relationship I see that as )

[Confusedinomicon]

Something I have learned in my relationship with my boyfriend is that he is NOT my psychologist, therapist, or psychiatrist. I can attempt to have him understand the woes I am going through, but since he doesn't experience it himself it is very hard for him to deal with. It doesn't mean you stop communicating with them -- it just means that you can't expect them to solve all your problems. When you're in a long term relationship it is easy to forget that boundary. You expect them to know everything about you and you expect them to know the answers. It's natural.

That is when you have to pull back and reevaluate yourself. You have to make that distinction of what they can actually help you with and what they cannot help you with. Then you need to find a way to effectively communicate your feelings without 'blowing up.' The aim is to be non-confrontational and to create an atmosphere that is comfortable for both parties. You want him to understand, but you should not expect him to fully grasp the pain you are in. It is hard if you don't experience it yourself. (And even then it can vary because there are multiple variables in how people react to different situations)

I hope I helped a little. )