Should I really be mad?

this is very specific, by the way; (PS; I am SO sorry for horrible spelling)

So my boyfriend says things like "oh i would so do *name hot famous person* if given the chance", or sometimes it's "two hot asian chicks" and so on... and it's all very specific "impossible" fantasties. And like, I have those too but i would NEVER cheat on him- but he's made it clear that if his 'impossible' fantasty could come true he WOULD cheat. Even when I ask "oh what, even if we're still dating?" he'll say yes.

And like, I get mad. him saying he would 'do' Gwen Stefani or whatever is fine- but he makes it clear that he would CHEAT on me with her. and he says I am not allowed to get mad because "it will never happen." Just now, he said he would do two hot asians if they asked him too (like in this very specific, 'hot', way), and he got mad because I got mad that he would cheat on me. "it'd never happen" and i ask him "what IF it does?" but he doesnt answer and i get madder. he says im not allowed to be mad and wants me to drop it.. he says i don't understand what "hypothetically" means... But i say i don't care if it's a hypothetical situation, i'm still mad that IF it happened, he'd gladly cheat. Mainly because he HAS cheated on me, it was ages ago, but still. (stop bringing it up, he says)

now... The question is, should I be mad? is he right? should I just drop it?

I think you should drop him. Seriously. Find a decent man who respects you.

It seems to be common enough even after marriage - the celebrity "exception" cheat. It isn't actually serious because it is so improbable that both partners agree it can't actually happen anyway. On the other hand, you let him know that you don't like that kind of game ... right? ... and he keeps doing it anyway. You don't need a reason. He should stop doing it because you asked him to stop doing it.

IF he cares about your feelings, he needs to stop. My boyfriend and I are very comfortable in talking about what we find attractive in someone else but we know when to draw the line. Beside your boyfriend should be saying, "The one person I want to do the most is you." If he loves you enough he shouldnt be constantly thinking about other women...if this issue persists you might really need to think about why exactly you're still with him and if this issue is going to hinder moving forward in your relationship with him. You have every right to feel what you are feeling and he should respect it. If not then I think that is a red flag.

See, I don't think he means to hurt me. I think that since we've been together for awhile he expects me to know that he loves me and all, and he doesn't understand that this makes me feel bad. He's also not the kind of person to say things like "the one person i want to do most is you," but i'm not sure how to tell him that i wish he would say sweet things to me and say less things about celeb chicks.

yea, i think you are angry for a good reason, because that kind of talk *hurts*. he sounds like an immature idiot, there are many nicer men out there.

He has cheated on you in the past; and does not want you to bring it up...manipulation of a hurtful situation that the two of you should have talked out.

He's also getting a kick out of making you jealous about "hot other chicks". Dump this guy, he will always find your weak spots and manipulate you with them. Hypothetically does not mean squat, he's intentionally aggravating you...don't let him have that kind of power.

I see two things here; you can't know what you would do in a hypothetical situation; I can't tell you how many times in my life (I'm 61) I use to say, "I would never do. . ." and then, when the situation came around, it was nothing like I imagined it when I say I would not, and I did it. The other thing is the oxymoron of "if his impossible fantasy could come true. . ." Since it is impossible, it cannot come true and, again, is about some situation neither of you have ever been in before, have ever had to realistically consider.

Hello Halcali, wow, I am going to come across as a real sleeze jerk. but hey.
I have always been so terribly afraid of judgment of people. now , right now.
I couldn't care.
> I had this girl. in Dec we dated, by February after valentines I asked if
we could 'take a break''.. because i was getting too entangled with her. I
needed to find out how I really felt.
Two days later I came back on both knees beggin her to take me back. I
knew then I explained, that I could not stop loving her.
Having had a very bad history with jealous woman long before, I did
put this girlfriend to some tests.
here is where our readers are going to feel I am a scumbag.
I found the ear ring of a former friend (very casual) and left it on
my car seat. my girlfriend on getting in saw this, and I explained it away
as I had been cleaning out some old boxes and it had fallen out, and
explained who it had belonged to.
I months after this went on a double date with girlfriend (M.S.)
and my friend's date C.J. was sitting on the floor talking her short shorts
revealing her legs, which I was glancing at often, more than appropriate but
not so much that C.J. noticed.).
When we got home to my girlfriend's house (M.S.) I explained that
she being 30 and C.J. being younger, I was so amazed and pleased
that M.S . had such varicose vein free legs and in general great legs
compared to C.J. whom some girlfriends might feel jealous of.
She, M.S. was accepting, she fought with me once, over my buying a
large drink and splitting it,at the cinema. but in all other factors she
showed control of her jealousy, or any jealousy.
She showed perfectly that she loved me, and I was even called
arrogant by friends for my confidence that M.S. loved me.
She showed no jealousy in all our years together. but is it right for a woman
to never show discomfort or jealousy in a relationship>???<
If a woman does not, then she has something wrong with her. some
actions by a mate/spouse are too suspicious, too much begging the
question, or too offensive not to get him thoroughly kicked to the
curb regardless of how well all other parts of the relationship/or marriage is
on the JAKE.

My actions, were a bit off 'grid' but really most women I have dated
get bent if I am friendly with a waitress, actress (happens often), or
chat up a new social-network contact.
There is a fine, <very fine line> between being social vs and being flirty and
hitting on a person.
Where this line is, perhaps is something I draw in very flirty zone, but
I know there are some 'places' a conversation should not go,
like affirming that I did cheat "when I didn't" or that I would absolutely" when
I on the other hand claim to be totally devoted to my partner.
The boyfriend I think either never passed the border in his going through
puberty, from the mindset of 'love feels good to have for women and I could
love them all" over to a non-polygamous land of ' if you really love someone,
you should be willing to make that >Seventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery... commitment".

I have and will continue to struggle with 'MY" women being too jealous
over my extreme shyness taking its occasional vacation and the real
strong social me coming out for a perhaps slightly flirty 'SEEMING" discussion
with men and women.
I will always be that way, I like art, music, and theater. and these people
are MY people.
But i will not tell my mate, if I meet Carmen Electra, I get a hall pass..
pass, okay!.
That, even by my flirty standards is ... er creepy.


OH, no, you should not be mad...
you should be making plans to change the relationship.
(If something makes you upset and miserable, it isn't worth it;
be happy.)

Thanks for your patience.

Sandee.

This is just SO Ross and Rachel! What makes him think Gwen Stefani would "do" him?! I think he's looking for an excuse to cheat again, or testing you to see if you would cheat - if you have a similar list, so he can get mad at you. In which case I would say, get lost.

AH HA HA,

just what I was thinking the whole time I typed. you funny.

S

Given his history of cheating before, these comments are inconsiderate for sure, even if he hasn't cheated. I suppose these hypothetical fantasies are very common but most people wouldn't think of telling their partner. It would be in their fantasies and stay there. Maybe he been watching too many videos. I would ask him -what makes you so desirable that a famous person or 2 oriental women would want him. Another thing - what's the deal with the oriental women - oh yes I forgot ...porn videos lol (dripping with sarcasm).

I think you should drop him like a hot potato out of oven and tell him to look for that famous person, who'll never want him. Let him live in his fantasy world, so all he'll be able to do is play with himself. Yes your feelings are justified.

Thank you, sandworm! (from Dune?) I always enjoy reading your thoughtful and unabashed responses and accounts of your adventures also! But I am afraid I would fail some of your tests!

Hell Yes You Should Be Mad ... !!!

He's being totally disrespectful to you and your relationship!

The only thing you should be dropping is him if he doesn't straighten up and fly right!

Hope you have more respect for yourself than to continue to put up with this type of behavior from him ... or anybody else for that matter!!!