She's gone and I'm lost

I'm dying here ...

I woke up this morning feeling worse than I have in a very long time. Apparently, she returned a hoodie that I gave her as a gift to my brother. He never told me and I found it when I was cleaning out my parents' house. My mother said he gave it to her because he wasn't sure what to do with it and didn't want to talk to me. He talked with her to some extent and said a lot of things that gave me hope, yet shot me down completely. I had been trying to get in contact with her for some time, yet, upon hearing nothing back from her, gave up. He told me, however, that she was still up in the air about getting in contact with me.

So this morning, I sent her a text saying simply that I missed her as my best friend, I wonder if she's doing okay and wanted to talk to her. I get a response back quickly saying "Who is this?" That means she's deleted my number. So I just told her it was me and that I would like to talk to her. A few minutes later, I get a call from an unknown number on my phone and it's her father. He said he blocked my number and doesn't know how I was able to text her, but he wants me to leave her alone before things get ugly. She's a grown woman and she gets her father to stick up for her?!

That killed me and I had an constant sobbing and panic attack that lasted a half hour. Enough that I thought I was going to kill myself. Just to end it. Just to end this constant pain. I'm still not sure why I didn't. I want to end it all so badly.

I think you need to stop doing things that make you think of her.

I really think you need to see a therapist. Normally I do not suggest this, but your attachment is a little extreme. If you need help finding a therapist, or finding programs you can qualify for, post here. We'll help you find something. However ruminating constantly on her is really detrimental to your health. You're worrying about something that is in the past and its time to live in the present again.

Are you taking any medications? Are you seeing a therapist? What are you doing for hobbies? What are you doing for fun? Are you ever leaving your house?

The chat here is filled with people who are compassionate. Click on the "Chat" button and then hit the door icon after it loads. Then pick a room with people in it. Maybe they can help you take your mind off of her. (Sometimes I am in there too!)

I have been through the exact same thing. This past November my ex of four years replaced me with someone else that she had just met online, and they are still together. I wanted to die, spent days in bed without wanting to get out, go to work, or do anything. I was extremely depressed and felt like I have never felt before in my life. I started getting panic attacks and anxiety attacks, it was horrible! However, I learned that in order to get better, I had to want to help myself because no one was going to do it for me.

The best advice that I can give you is that you need to think that she is already living her life somewhere else and you feeling the way you feel is not going to make her come back. You only have two options, you either do anything possible to try to get better, or continue to live the miserable life that you have been living these past few months. It is your choice. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! yes, it is good to let your tears out once in a while, but you cannot live life like this. Every day is a gift and you cannot waste a day thinking about a lost love. Try to look for a job, work out, read self-help books, go out with your friends, do whatever it takes to get yourself out of the hole you are in. Whenever the thought of her starts to poison you, use your imagination and picture yourself pushing her out of your heart. Remember that she is already living her life happily without you and in the mean time you are just there, wasting your time thinking about what could be or what could have been and feeling miserable. You do not want to live like that forever, do you? Show yourself that you can do the same, that you can get over her and start a new life with a new job, new aspirations, new friends, new YOU! Remember that you are the only one who can help yourself, and you feeling depressed and wasting your time is only going to make you miss out on everything that is out there.

Live one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Take control over your life and show yourself that you are much stronger than this. Count your blessings instead of your misfortunes. Good luck...

I'm on anti-depressants and I'm not sure they're doing much help. I tend to be a little okay when I'm distracted, but when I'm alone, it's horrible. I can't see a therapist because I'm unemployed. Paying for medication is hard enough for me as it is. I've gone to a couple therapists and I didn't feel any better talking to them. One of them made me feel worse. I spend most of my days inside watching movies and reading, just doing anything I can to be distracted. I rarely leave my house since I don't really have a lot of friends and gas is so expensive and I have nowhere to go.

You are dealing with anger. Acceptance will come.

anti-depressants can relieve the depression, but they will not make you feel better about this break up and this is more of a mental thing in yourself. You have to get to a point where you accept that this has happened and you need to move on in your life. Remember we cannot live in the past.

Therapy doesn't automatically work either, it takes a few sessions before you may see any progress for some, and others need long term.

Are you capable of working? Maybe applying for a part time job could help because you'll stay out of the house. If you can't work, you should look into state medicare to get psychiatric services for your depression.