[shelterdog71]

I'm a 40 year old single woman with virtually no friends. I have a lifelong best friend but she's a busy single mom and can barely pay her bills, much less go out on the weekends. The few other friends I have are married with kids and live hours away. I have a handful of friends from my old job that I email/Facebook but we rarely get together because they too, are all married with kids. It just really sucks when you sit home night after night and have nobody to call or go out with.

Prime example. I just found out there is going to be a small event at a store by my house where they will have food trucks and beer and music. It sounds great and I would love to go, but have absolutely NOBODY to go with. I certainly don't want to go to a big social event alone... I would never do that in a million years. I have some social anxiety to begin with so going to something like this alone is absolutely out of the question. It really bothers me to think that I have nobody to even go grab some food with... go shopping with... go for a walk with... just simple little things.

I tried joining an aerobics class at the park last year hoping to meet some
friends. Nope. These women looked at me like I was Satan Herself and wouldn't even give me the time of day. I don't get it. I'm friendly and outgoing but nobody will talk to me. I think most women think that I'm gay and trying to hit on them and that's why they avoid me.

And men? Forget meeting men. I think instead of pheromones I emit some sort of Man-Repelling scent that causes them to run screaming in the opposite direction. Men think of me as their "buddy" or "one of the guys" and would rather chop off their own penis than be with me in a relationship.

I'm clean, attractive, intelligent, have a great personality, a good job, own a home, etc. Yet people are so repelled by me and I will never understand it. I try so hard to be nice, helpful, friendly to everyone... and just continually get it stuck up my keester.

I've never had alot of friends. I remember being in first grade and the kids not wanting to play with me. I struggled with lonliness until I was in high school and made a few very close lasting relationships... but again, those girlfriends are now grown women with husbands and kids and have all moved very far away.

Sigh... Thanks for listening.

[mgran]

I'm really sorry that you having to go through this. I empathise with the experience of being friendless from a young age, it seems to leave its mark. None of my "old" friends have stuck with me... friends from uni stopped talking to me after graduation. Never made friends at work. Friends from charities I volunteered at stopped talking to me after my husband died. I've formed some tentative "friendships" in the village I currently live in, but I know for a fact that none of them will be talking to me in a couple of years time. Being able to say "hello" to someone in a shop doesn't mean friendship.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but all I can say is that I hear you, and I really hope things get better for you soon. All anyone really needs is one good friend. Please God one will come along for you.

[likewater]

(((Shelterdog))) i remember sitting alone at lunch table. Have gone to movies alone etc. Just continue doing what you love to do and
Be natural , you will meet others like yourself. May your broken heart heal.

All i can say is keep trying - friendships don't happen overnight and in these times there even harder to keep going (people having to get second jobs/work longer hours and then come home to kids and a partner who also need their undivided attention). Its tough but it is doable. Are there any other classes/groups you can join? Even if you don't go with the intention of making friends, just chatting to new people can build your confidence and help you to relax more in the company of strangers. If you find your hitting a brick wall i would try occupying your attentions with a challenge - try learning a new language or an instrument even, not only will you be improving yourself but you'll be using your time constructively and hopefully distracting yourself from any overwhelming feelings of loneliness. Either this or you could try being a little more vocal per se on facebook. It may seem superficial or even futile you do have the power to make more of your current contacts you just have to keep at it. Good luck.

[shelterdog71]

The best part is I live in Chicago... a massive city with millions of people... and I can't make a single friend! I struggle to pay a mortgage on my own so I don't have a ton of money to spend on taking classes or things like that. I'm always checking for free or low-cost things to do through the park district or library, but again, many things you just don't want to do alone. I usually just walk my dogs and spend most of my time with them. There aren't even any dog parks around where I could take them to meet people, other dog lovers like me.

I've tried online dating and after a few really bad experiences have given up on that. I'm on Facebook WAY too much but have joined some groups and started talking to a few people. But they have their own families and problems and we certainly aren't going to be BFF's. Plus most of them live out of state.

So let's face it... what happens when I get old?

That is my main concern and the thing that freaks my mother out the most. What happens when I get old and have no one to help me? What if I get sick and end up in the hospital? What if I have major surgery and can't walk? I could go on thinking about the 'what if's'... I'm terrified about dying alone someday. Right now all I have is my parents and we are very close but they are getting older and have health issues and I know they won't be here forever. Then what? I have my best friend who I know will be there no questions asked, but what if something happens to her? It overwhelms me and terrifies me to think that there may be a day that I'm dying in the hospital completely ALONE. You always see those poor people in nursing homes who have nobody visiting them and you feel so bad... that's how I'm going to end up.

[Lyzzyy]

There is this website called meetup.com, I am not sure if you have heard of it. I broke up with my ex not too long ago and found myself alone and with no friends... I was looking to meet people and came across that website. They post different events that are going on around the area depending on your interests. Most people on there are looking for the same thing... friends. They have art groups, game nights, events for singles, you name it. You should try it, maybe you'll end up making friends there

[stieg]

Sadly single people will always be material for difamantion. Why all the hate?

[seeker1950]

Shelterdog, hunnybunny!
I'm single/divorced, and I have absolutely NO problem going to events or a restaurant alone. I DO have friends, and they tell me they would NEVER go to a restaurant alone. WHY!? I wonder. I actually enjoy going out to dinner alone if I'm inclined to do so. Nothing wrong with this whatsoever.
I gave up trying to meet men, and it is a very liberating feeling, once you accept it. In fact, once you do so, you may find great peace, as I have, but if you are still desirous of meeting someone, it is more likely you will do so when you are NOT looking!

[lido78]

Shelterdog...I'm with Seeker on this one. It can be very liberating to go to a restaurant alone...not necessarily to sit at a table, but try the bar when there's an exciting sporting event on. Order a burger and a beer and just enjoy your time...bartenders are usually chatty and the game itself can provide a good conversation starter with others sitting near you. Or, try a coffee shop...not necessarily one where everyone is tapping away on a laptop, but the old fashioned kind where people meet up to have conversations...just bring a book or a newspaper...be willing to offer up a seat at your table if you see someone looking for a place to sit...they'll be grateful! Since you're in Chicago, try La Colombe on West Randoph Street...they have one in Philadelphia and I've met TONS of people this way...(and I'm 43)...

By the way, the art of conversation can take a bit of work if you don't have it naturally...but, I think the key is just to be open...not open to any crazy wackadoo that wants to talk to you...but to different types of people...

[needfixing]

is there a coffe shop by you that you go to a lot?
if so, the person that makes your coffee wouldn't be a bad idea to ask him/her to go the event.
i became friends with the cashier at my local shop. it turns out we had a lot in common, and we know the same people.

[pinkrosepetal01]

there are some great suggestions here. i too suffer with much of what you mention here. i have had to learn to be comfortable with my own company. i was told i come across too full on so i have become more layed back. theres nothing wrong with going somewhere by yourself. i would love to be your facebook friend if you are willing. sorry about the fractured way i have written this.xxx

[Perna]

Do you work now? I would see about inexpensive county continuing ed/recreation center courses, community college, etc., take a photography or arts sort of course, cooking maybe? Could you maybe look for a roommate to live in your house with you, share the house costs and become friendly with? I lucked out and made a good friend by joining the Friends of the Library for the branch near me in Washington, DC.

I'd maybe make a plan, think about selling your house in 4-5 years when real estate is recovered a bit for a smaller, less expensive condo sort of place in a more "dense" community with pool/gym and other features like that where people might gather? It is getting harder now, with the Internet, to meet people in person I think. I would get out a bit more, might even go to the store event for a bit, not to "meet" anyone but just to get use to going out on your own a bit more; harder to meet people if you don't go out much and allowing the social anxiety to get a hold/grow, even if just by habit, is not a good idea?

I was worried about the old/alone/sick thing and now make sure I go to a doctor often enough so he "knows" me a bit and have taken charge of my health and am actively working on my fears for the future, so I am more prepared?

I belong to an online group that has in-person possibilities too?

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/g...al.asp?gid=449