[Justme_55]

Knowing you blew it, feeling like your heart turned to ice and the other person cracked it in half with one kick of humiliation. Feeling like the idiot when your just hurting. Knowing how badly you messed up and there's no fixing any of it; wanting to be understood and each time you try to explain any of it; it comes out like burnt ash. Im so lost and I created this disaster.
I want to fade into oblivion.

[shezbut]

(((justme55)))

Sorry that you are in such pain. Your post sounds as though you get some pleasure out of writing. You write very well, btw.

I used to write very dark poems when I was around 20, to relieve some of the misery. It helped a little bit. While I honestly felt what I wrote, it did chop the edge of the needle. The pain became less sharp and less suffocating. I didn't like it ~ but I could breathe. Know what I mean?

You may want to look into relieving some of that pain through music, drawing, coloring, physical exercise, cleaning, cooking, and writing. After you write about your self-hate and resentment for a while, take a little break. Listen to music and dance; clean or cook like crazy; take a long fast walk; etc.

Gentle hugs sent your way....