[formetosee]

i finally did it. i broke up with my bf of 3 yrs. we were having a ton of sex issues. he had erectile dysfunction for the past 2 1/2 yrs. although things in that dept were somewhat better after he went to see a sex therapist and they put him on all sorts of drugs, there was still apart of him that didn't seem normal to me. it truly traumatized me. ever since the problem started, he wouldn't always initiate sex or even appear to "want" me, judging his behavior and body language. i guess a girl just knows when she is not wanted. normally, i would still have to beg and cry for sex and he would just tell me that he was too busy studying and that he needed to be left alone. he would tell me that i was sabotaging his career and his life. but whenever he wanted to have sex, which was rare or not often (about twice a week maybe), suddenly i was suppose to put all my anger aside and be ready, willing and able. i don't think so. for so long i felt unwanted in the relationship, and i mean emotionally and intimately. sure he would buy me things to show that he cared, but that doesn't help fill the empty void that i felt for so long inside. i was becoming extremely depressed all the time. in fact, he admitted that he was depressed and started taking zoloft too. he never really wanted to go out and just have fun. i normally had to force him to go with me anywhere. he just wasn't living life and he was starting to drag me down into depression with him. i don't know how i feel right now. i don't know if i made the right choice. but i had to give it a try. i just had to break out of my shell and my comfort zone. i had to live and be free. i felt trapped for so long. only God knows what the future holds for me now. i leave it in his hands. i'm too shocked and saddened by how things turned out. i don't know what to think. i just want to be happy and i wasn't when i was with him.

Took some courage to do what you did, formetosee. Good luck.

[Pomegranate]

Sounds like you did the right thing for you. Trust your gut instinct, especially when it comes to sex. I hope your future is more fun.

[marjan]

You did absolutely a right thing....don't even hesitate....and never get back to that relationship.....you don't have to cry to get sex....usually is opposite...you got to cry to not get sex....go find a guy who doesn't have these kind of problems....
M

[kinda_depressed]

Hi,
it sounds like you did the right thing for you, based on not only the sex but on the other problems you mentioned. However, I think (for me lately, at least) that him wanting sex "only" twice a week is not a super low number of times. The old average for married couples is once per week. Yes, as a younger person, and with some men, I had sex every day, or more than once, but that actually got old for me. There is more to life than sex. So what did the sex signify for you, I wonder (or more importantly, his desire to focus on work instead of having sex)?

My situation has been even more dismal than yours, and yet I can't let go of wanting the relationship. There's a connection there that gives me some grounding, an anchor. Or maybe we're just both desperate... We have been off and on for over 2 years, and only this week (after being "off" for the week before Valentine's Day, and him really feeling that loss) is he willing to talk about being in a 'real' relationship. as he said, about the next time we get together: "we're going to try and make this thing work, right?" I can't get at his intimacy problems - don't know what they are... but clearly I have them too, or I would have let go a lot sooner.

As for sex, he is a low libido person, but I have (kinda) adjusted to this. I sometimes initiate (and he sometimes responds to that), but I also truly cherish just the sleeping together, and caressing and holding each other. He's actually very good at that. Or he will initiate sex, and even if he isn't sexually aroused, sometimes we have non-intercourse sex. But, especially with the frequent times apart, we sleep together and have sex maybe once a week.. although sometimes it's several times in that one night..

And, there are other intimacy issues - he never buys me gifts for holidays or special occasions; rarely kisses me on the lips (tho this is getting better); cycles through affectionate and pushing away periods; has few people he considers friends, even though he knows a lot of people; has issues with his parents (but doesn't admit any abuse).

Maybe I'm settling for too little, but it sounded to me like you might have worked things out if you could have both communicated and compromised more. Or maybe not...

[StrongerMan]

zoloft will decrease libido.