[Elana05]

I feel so angry at my dad right now. I have had a tough time in the job market and decided to apply to a very good grad program. The application has taken me forever, especially since I have been doing it while trying to lift myself out of depression and trying new meds at the same time. I know the program would really help my career. A while back I spoke with him (along with my therapist) and he said, "I would love to pay for school for you." I said, "Dad, are you sure? it's expensive, I can get loans, we should talk about it" and he actually became terse and said "DON"T worry about the money." So I haven't been. And I admit that has been a weight off of my shoulders. Today I speak to him on the phone and he's like, "How are you going to pay for this? The money is going to be a problem. Do you want to see what my bank account looks like?"
Argh. I just feel so frustrated with him. I mean, I know it's not cheap. But that's why I was planning on looking at loans. But he was like, "don't worry about it." Now he doesn't remember that. He has been like this my whole life - first on one end of the spectrum, then on the other. I never know what to expect. I feel so angry and frustrated. Why did I even believe him?

[shezbut]

argh! That is frustrating! My mom has a similar bad habit.

The hard thing was getting myself out of the habit of believing & depending upon her in the first place. While it sure would be nice to get help, I can't depend on it ~ so I don't plan on any help to begin with now. It has helped me a lot to get out of this habit of dependence.

I'd recommend that you do the same. Work these things by yourself ~ pointless to continue the cycle of dependence and resentment. My mom didn't enjoy me letting go of the cycle, but it's a lot less tumultuous now. Best wishes to you!

[Babylove]

I am with Shez on this one. I used to have similar run ins with my parents (and cousins and aunts for that matter). It's like loaning out money or someone giving you advice. I accept the good with the bad (even when the bad far exceeds the good) . I used to loan out money and be disappointed when they didn't pay me back. Eventually, I realised I couldn't loan out money unless I was willing to accept never receiving it back... Ever. Similar goes with taking advice. I can take advice from someone but only if I'm completely willing to accept the consequences of that advice, good or bad. It taught me to be independent, and with that, a twinge of loneliness... Good with the bad Now I look at my parents and appreciate what we've been able to teach each other and I respect them for their part in making me what I am today.

I wish you the best.