[RioReport]

I know that almost everyone wants to make sure they never hurt the people they love, but it gets to a point where I'm bottling up years and years of things because I dont want to upset anyone.

For starters there's my father, who left was I was 16 (I'm 18 now) and was abusive in every way to my mother and emotionally abusive to me and my brother. In our house growing up you weren't allowed to feel what YOU felt, you had to work around my father's moods..Anyway my birthday is coming up and it's the same day as my dad's, he hasn't contacted me at all for a few months and I know he'll probably text me on the day, but I'm so angry that he just shows up on holidays etc..So there's a lot from my entire life that I want to say, I need to tell him what I think of him and his pathetic attempt at being a father. But I've always been the peace keeper, trying to calm everyone down. He's not exactly emotionally stable and I dont want to put myself or my family in danger. I also dont want him to hurt himself. But there is NO way I can word what needs to be said nicely..

The main reason I'm here is that my relationship with this man I've been with for two years is...strange. I've tried to break up with him a few times but he just always says if I change my mind he'll be there, so I cant get any closure and end up going back. Also from the last time I tried to break up with him in early January he says he doesn't trust me fully, which I can understand, but I can never get my point across because he dismisses anything I say and just talks about how HE feels and what HE wants. Just like my father.

I dont want to be trapped being scared all of my life and always trying to please people. I dont know how to stop it.

[lad007]

You need to figure out what you want in life, I know it is difficult as you are young, but you have to teach people how to treat you.
Your father is only human and is not perfect, he was abusive but you are an adult now, and it is your choice to see him, and under your terms. If you need to tell him how you feel you can write him a letter, and be done with it.
If you don't want a relationship with the man, break it off, if he dismisses what you say, that is not a good partner. So be done with it, if that's what you want. Draw a line in the sand, and say I am done, and stick to it, don't keep contact.
Put yourself first, if they aren't meeting your needs, don't pursue it.

[shezbut]

((RioReport))

Well, you do have options.

There is a middle of the road option, which I didn't see in your post. You could be polite with your father, but don't go out of your way to please him. For instance, you don't have to buy him a card or gift. You don't have to be affectionate either. No hugs are okay. It may feel uncomfortable, but it's a lot more uncomfortable to fake affection and interest.

The second reason of your post is a tough one for me to give advice on. Personally, I have too much experience in living to please the man I'm with. I have had a few times in my life in which I broke it off and stayed away completely (and didn't jump to another man), but that's incredibly rare for me. I can certainly understand the emotions that you're referring to on this issue.

It takes strength, determination, and distractions to successfully get out of the relationship. It can feel very scary and surreal to be without your bf at times, in my experience, but we have to push ourselves to stay away and gain some sense of personal strength. Giving into our impulse to not be alone only damages our self-esteem even more. Especially when the one we're with knows how low we are! That's where your man is, pushing your self-worth even lower. Not good

Be strong. You CAN do it. Throw yourself into your job, school, or sports 100%. Put all of your focus there, and you can refer back to it during weak or lonely times. It will get easier as time passes. Then stay away from sexual relationships until you have a solid sense of who you are, what you like, dislike, etc. Get a solid sense of self-acceptance before any other romance or sex.

Very best wishes to you!!