How often should wife call when she is out of town?

Mike_J · Mar 26, 2012, 08:59 AM

It’s spring break for my 12 year old daughter so my wife and her are out of town, they get back today. Just wondering how often do you think it’s appropriate for her to call me to let me know she is ok, and to just say hi, and possibly (though doubtfully) I love you. In the name of full disclosure I have to confess to always being a bit stressed when they are gone, and she knows this, and she also knows that her not calling just sends my anxiety through the roof. It’s difficult for me to call her, where she is staying they have really bad cell phone coverage, and she is running all over the place doing things, and I’m basically sitting at home, and going to work, so I’m very easy to get in touch with. For a 10 day trip, she only called 3 times and even then only after I had texted her earlier in the day each time and asked her to call me.

So do you guys think I’m a bit out of line to be somewhat miffed by her behavior?

Thanks

Towanda · Mar 26, 2012, 09:37 AM

I don't think you are out of line by being miffed at all. My husband travels a lot and we have always stayed in touch with daily phone calls - that's the rule and always has been for 34 years of marriage. To me that's being considerate of your partner's feelings - also keeping that connection alive.
I would be miffed if he only called every 3-4 days. And we're not clingy or super dependent on each other either. We have a strong, loving relationship, and we're also two separate individuals with our own lives at the same time.
In my opinion, you have a right to be a little upset.

Switch · Mar 26, 2012, 10:13 AM

I agree, which is weird for me because I'm notoriously bad at staying in touch with people. I forget to call people all the time. But what stuck out to me the most is that she knows you get anxious when she's gone, and I think that she should make a huge effort to call. You are definitely aloud to be miffed, and I'm sorry you had to stress while they were gone.

Maybe make a rule with her to call you every night, to tell you their back in the hotel or something safely. Would that work?

gma45 · Mar 26, 2012, 10:46 AM

I agree, I think at least one time a day in evening so you know she is ok. Just out of respect.

Mar 26, 2012, 11:58 AM

I agree too, a call at least in the evening to let you know they are ok, doesn't seem like a big deal. It's no fun worrying about your loved ones while they are away. Hopefully you can both agree to this and any future trips could be more enjoyable for you both.

Mike_J · Mar 26, 2012, 01:41 PM

"Rules" about calling or anything else only help if people follow them. There is a HUGE double standard in our relationship. I’m expected to follow the rules, keep my word, not break promises, be concerned about her feelings, and no excuse is ever good enough, but unfortunately things don’t work the other way around.

Perna · Mar 26, 2012, 01:50 PM

When my husband would go out of town, he'd call me every evening and we'd share our individual day, kind of like when we are together. . .

Switch · Mar 26, 2012, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mike_J

"Rules" about calling or anything else only help if people follow them. There is a HUGE double standard in our relationship. I’m expected to follow the rules, keep my word, not break promises, be concerned about her feelings, and no excuse is ever good enough, but unfortunately things don’t work the other way around.

Have you talked to her about this? It's really important to have a lot of open communication in a relationship (as I've found out the hard way) and you need to tell her that you think there's a double standard. Ask her if she can do this for you, and try and hold her too it. I think she should be supportive of you, and if it gives you anxiety she should help to reduce that. And that's not asking her to throw her life away and sit with you every hour of the day. This is a really small thing to ask her to do, that means a lot to you. Plus, it will strengthen your relationship with each other.

And this is coming from someone who hates calling people, and forgets to all the time.

good luck, And you have my support for this.

dailyhealing · Mar 26, 2012, 06:55 PM

I would have to agree with Switch, especially about the communication piece. It seems like this issue is not so much about her calling you as it is about communicating with each other. I think in relationships you often make compromises to help the other person feel cared for. I, too, would strongly encourage you to share with her something similar to what you posted here. Good luck to you!

KeepGoing8 · Mar 26, 2012, 11:02 PM

I feel your pain Mr._J. I have DEFINITELY been in your place, but I just wanted to say that I've been in your wife's place too....I think....where you're so overstimulated and overwhelmed by being in a new place, on "vacation" with a younger person, or more, who seem to have all the energy in the world and require all FUN all the time on vacation...even a quick call to the man you love can feel like just that much more pressure on top of an already bursting stress balloon...and the guilt she may feel (I feel) when selfishly putting off that responsibility, and consequently causing you stress and pain....makes me even more hesitant to call! It's a messed up stress- response that only makes things worse...but, I don't know, I guess I'm just saying to give her a chance? And I definitely agree with these good folks...have a talk with her about all this. If I was her, I'd want to hear it : )

Irreplaceable · Mar 28, 2012, 10:04 AM

If I were out of town with my daughter and her dad was left home, I personally would call him everyday. That's just me. Most days we text a quick message throughout the day so I know for a fact if we were gone, I would call everyday. Texting can be so impersonal sometimes, I need to hear your voice....

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

How often should wife call when she is out of town?

My Support Forums