[KeepGoing8]

So, I am married to my wonderful husband who I met when we worked together in college. We've known each other 7 yrs and got married summer 2010. My husband is an amazing man...one of those you don't think really exist ( @ least here in the US). He is kind, gentle, loving, handsome, hardworking, a good son, good brother, and Good Husband.
I am a depressive, possible BP, BPD, ASPD, yadda, yadda, yadda "starving artist" currently recovering from a Paxil-kidney stone and Paxil withdrawal ( cuz wtf wants more kidney stones?!).
I love love love my husband...but am having trouble understanding some of his ideas about sex. He was raised by a hardcore Christian fundamentalist family and even though his own spiritual beliefs are non- Christian, Carlos Castaneda-style god= energy beliefs, he still carries a lot of shame and insecurity about sexuality.
Er, just the facts ma'am:
He has a 2- day rule where he feels that 2 days after sex his whole " flow" is thrown off. If he has a bad day, let's responsibilities slide, it's always because it's "Day 2."
Also, he says he "has to" smoke after sex. He smokes Molies (weed+tobacco bongrips) which are incredibly bad for you
Every time he has a Day 2 meltdown or starts smoking again, I feel awful and guilty. it seems having sex does only bad things for my husband
For a long time I felt the Day 2 thing was his way of labeling the shame, and perhaps regret? he feels after having sex...perhaps a throwback to the no-sex Christianity of his childhood?
But, I also recently read that many cultures consider semen to be a sort of "magic mojo juice" that gives men power and drive, and often men do experience a "draining" feeling after ejaculation...i.e. giving away the "magic mojo juice". Many athletes practice abstinence before competing as a way to focus their sexual energy towards athletic performance....hmmm.
In my Paxil withdrawal, my sex drive has come back with a VENGEANCE, and I want so badly to take care of these impulses with my husband...but it seems to only ruin his days
What should I do?
I just watched an episode of "Strange Sex" that dealt with "sexual anorexia" and I'm afraid my husband may be sliding in that direction: denying himself sex because at some point in his life, sex became associated with badness...
Ps. He's def. not gay or cheating: when it does happen, it's fantastic for both of us
Pps. Sorry if this is TMI or inappropriate...I'm just being honest old me

From or about? It's a very interesting post but I'm not sure what the question is or what exactly you want advice on
Is you husband open to discussion on this and the possibility of counseling/therapy?

Originally Posted by KeepGoing8

denying himself sex because at some point in his life, sex became associated with badness.

That would be my guess as to what is behind all this. It probably developed over time and he might not understand it himself.

Originally Posted by KeepGoing8

But, I also recently read that many cultures consider semen to be a sort of "magic mojo juice" that gives men power and drive, and often men do experience a "draining" feeling after ejaculation...i.e. giving away the "magic mojo juice". Many athletes practice abstinence before competing as a way to focus their sexual energy towards athletic performance....hmmm.

From what I understand, athletes abstaining before competition is based on untrue assumptions. Below is a nice little article with more information on that and 2 quotes from it.

Sex and Sports: Should Athletes Abstain Before Big Events?

Scientists say there is no physiological evidence to suggest that sex before competition is bad.

Some people believe the act of ejaculation draws testosterone, the hormone of both sexual desire and aggression, from the body.

"This is a really wrong idea," said Emmanuele A. Jannini of the University of L'Aquila in Italy. Jannini is a professor of endocrinology, the study of bodily secretions, and has studied effects of sex on athletic performance.

If your sex drive has recently increased a lot but having sex with your husband causes guilt, then I think a logical course of action would be to stimulate yourself more often and also try to work on his "issue". I'm not sure exactly how to do that but if you have a therapist that you trust, I would talk to them about it. If therapy is not an option then you may need to do more research in trying to figure this out. This thread is a good idea and hopefully you will find it helpful.

I do not claim to be an expert but I am not sure it's the sex that is the problem. I think the problem is what he smokes after sex. Smoking weed affects the brain and when it wears off, he is in "day 2." A sign of addiction is blaming the problem on something else, in this case, sex rather than what he is smoking. I don't think the draining of semen is the problem at all, it's the withdrawal of THC and nicotine from his brain. Here's a suggestion: ask him to try an experiment - have him smoke a bongrip without having sex before and see if he has a day 2 experience afterwards. if he does, then it's not the sex that's the problem. also, he should try having sex without the bongrip afterwards and see if a day 2 is experienced. Of course, these day 2 experiences could all be in his head and that is another situation entirely. i hope this helps. all the best to you!

[Scotty204]

He may have a low sex drive? Some people also feel "dirty" after sex which it sounds like he is experiencing