[KeepGoing8]

Recently coming off of nightmare-inducing Paxil, my sleep schedule has been all kindsa messed up and for the passed week or so I've been staying up til 2 or 3 am and sleeping til early afternoon.
Most of the night, after I've Finally finished obsessively biting my fingernails and tossing and turning the hours away; I have my Paxil nightmares of HungerGames- style we-humans-are-the-prey game scenarios until morning.
Then, between 8-9am when my husband wakes up, and 11am - 1pm when I finally wake up, I have graphic and repetitive sexual dreams ( sometimes nightmares, sometimes not) with men who are rarely my husband. It wasn't until quite recently in fact, that he's appeared in my dreams at all. Most of my dream "cast" is made up of people from my past: high school, old jobs, college...but no one from my current life.
My partners in my morning "sexy dreams" range from completely fabricated men, to teachers I've had, to women,...even my own father (those ones are rare but leave me feeling very disgusted, ashamed, and freaked out). I have had one or two sexy dreams starring me and my husband, and a couple where my factionalized man obviously represented him, but mostly it's a wide range of men (and sometimes women) that have little similarities to him.
I am 100% in love with my husband, and when he gives it to me, he definitely gives me all that I need...but I'm still living a promiscuous and tawdry dream- life that, other than the "dad dreams", I secretly really enjoy and get stimulation from.
One mind tells me, this is fine, I'm not actually acting out any of my dreams and I love and respect my husband so it's all good...but my other mind wonders, am I an unconscious cheater? And I worry...what if my dreams, which already build and inform my fantasies, start leaking into my waking sexuality, and in a moment of depressive, self-loathing weakness, will my unconscious promiscuity reach out into my waking life?
Where is the line drawn?
If dreaming about the bouncer @ the local nightclub is okay, is "innocently" flirting with him okay?
I've been with my husband for 7 years...and I'm starting to understand what the "7 year itch" really feels like. I say now I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband...but what is Cheating exactly?

[Sabrina]

I'm in a similar predicament. My dreams are not always or necessarily sexual but I dream more often of my ex husband than my husband. And the dreams are always that I actually want to be with my husband but it's the ex I get instead. These dreams are frequent even though I have not seen my ex husband in almost 15 years. I am always left feeling horrible about them. Almost as though I am being unfaithful to my husband whom I adore with my life and would never ever cheat on.
I wish my ex husband would leave my dreams alone. I hate the guilt I feel over something of which I have no control.

[Switch]

This sounds pretty normal, at least to me. I mean, I'm not married or anything, but it still makes a lot of sense to me. Cheating is more action based in my mind. You can't always control your thoughts or feelings, but you can control what you do. I would say this is normal and although I wouldn't tell him, I still wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't mean you don't love him, and it doesn't mean you're going to cheat on him. It just means your subconscience is explorative.

[SSaysRelapse]

The feelings do have the potential to be very devastating. I lightly compare it to thoughts during depression, where thoughts we do not want overwhelm or our mind. In our true feelings and thoughts, we do not want the pain, angst, and hurt. As already mentioned above, most of us have the ability to control what we do, and regardless of the severity of the negativity, as long as we can remind ourselves of what is true, you will have a way of catching yourself before it's ever too late. Please keep posting.

[Perna]

Presumably I would be at a nightclub with my husband so flirting with the bouncer or bartender or other male staff or acquaintances would not bother me or my husband as it would be seen as "fun" and not taken seriously by myself or my husband. I have never given my husband any reason to worry about my love nor has he given me any reason to worry about his; we're very much a couple, a partnership, a pair, a team. We're not in each other's pockets by any means but it doesn't occur to me to worry about him because I don't worry about myself (and believe him to be like me in that respect).

It is funny though, I dreamed last night about an old boyfriend I haven't thought about for many years (my husband and I have been married 22 years) and was on the phone with him and trying to get off but he wouldn't get the hint and I didn't want to be "rude". I think I was actually giving a party at the time, other people were there and everything but I kept talking to him when I really wanted to get off

[KeepGoing8]

Thanks for the input everyone! Crazy: last night I dreamed that I woke up and checked these poll results, and overnight a bunch of guys had voted and posted that "Yes" , that IS cheating and I'm just a nasty ho deep down inside...Jeesh!
Can I get some male input on the question?

[bowhunt72]

As for male input from a different perspective, I don't believe that your dreams are cheating in any way unless they stem from constant fantasizing while awake. I am speaking as the guilty party here. After I ended an affair 13 years ago, I still fantasized about the other woman even after we rebuilt our marriage and healed as much as was possible after what I had done. As our marriage has gone through some rough times of anger, bitterness, and resentment over the past few years, I found myself fantasizing about her even more. A few months ago, during a particularly bitter period, I sought out and reconnected with the other woman despite having not seen or heard from her in 13 years. A passionate affair ensued, with feelings even stronger than the first time. I moved out, we filed for divorce, and the other woman and I planned our lives and future together...until it all came crashing down. I now realize I was in a manic episode (my wife tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen) and made major life changing decisions far too quickly and with too little thought for the consequences. I'm now sitting in the wreckage trying to rebuild my life and marriage, with no guarantee I will ever get either back.

So the short version is dreams aren't cheating, you have no control over them. If they carry over into waking fantasies, watch out and be very careful of your impulses and actions.

but I'm still living a promiscuous and tawdry dream- life that, other than the "dad dreams", I secretly really enjoy and get stimulation from.
One mind tells me, this is fine, I'm not actually acting out any of my dreams and I love and respect my husband so it's all good...but my other mind wonders, am I an unconscious cheater? And I worry...what if my dreams, which already build and inform my fantasies, start leaking into my waking sexuality, and in a moment of depressive, self-loathing weakness, will my unconscious promiscuity reach out into my waking life?
Where is the line drawn?
If dreaming about the bouncer @ the local nightclub is okay, is "innocently" flirting with him okay?
I've been with my husband for 7 years...and I'm starting to understand what the "7 year itch" really feels like. I say now I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband...but what is Cheating exactly?

The "secretly enjoy and get stimulation from" is kinda maybe getting close to the line, and flirting with someone you dream/fantasize about might be playing with matches, but no fire yet
Are you cheating? By my standards/criteria you aren't, but my views aren't typical so that isn't exactly a gold stamp of approval.
If you say you will "NEVER EVER" cheat, that sounds reassuring enough.