[anjelmarie]

i havent been here in a long time and excuse my typing flaws but i just had carpal tunnel surgery yesterday and my hand is wrapped up and in pain. i have been dealing with a crazy situation its a long story and doesn't even sound true. believe me i have never seen a situation quite like this. i rent an apartment with my bf and our landlord his wife and preteen daughter lives upstairs. The daughter has serious mental health issues. I don't know exactly whats wrong but i can hear what goes on and they can hear everything that goes on in our place even more. there is no insulation. Its so long and im in pain and aggravated but the daughter follows me around and she has to always be right above me whereever i am in the house. Even the bathroom. She will stand there while i'm in there just quiet or sometimes she will tap or she'll bang loudly i guess it depends on her mood. She makes noise every morning directly over my side of bed loud banging or stomping or it sounds like she is dropping something heavy over and over. It can be 6:00 and when she is up she starts. Usually she starts lightly tapping or dropping it sounds like marbles but if i don't move around or react she gets louder and louder until she has like a tantrum. This is a daily ritual. She will eventually leave but she keeps coming back in and she will stand and listens quietly and she'll go and keep coming in like shes checking on something or she goes to where there is a squeaky part of floor and walk back and forth. I'm on disability thank god because i dont sleep well as it is and she does this daily. I do wear earplugs and i announced it and said thank god for these earplugs and i also put my headphones on over earplugs now every day when she hears me fiddle around to put my gear on thats when she has the tantrum. Pls dont ask how she knows its me and not my bf because i went thru that with my bf and therapist who just started beleiving me after over a year complaining. She knows my routine by now she knows where i sleep and her room is over ours. So i have peace until after school unless they dont send her or they end up getting her early. then soon as she gets in she starts the noise and the following. And dont let me turn the tv off and try to nap, she starts stomping and banging and hollering. So you ask what about her parents? This started i think because i told them about it once and they must have said something and from then on she started to do it more and concentrated on me. So shes just a brat? Yeah but now it seems to be an obsession. If she comes in and its quiet and im laying down and she doesn't hear me moving and can't determine where i am she flips out. I found this out once when i was in the kitchen sitting trying to hide and have peace and she went from room to room stamping and banging and raging like she was out of control. They took her out and came back later where she promptly found me on my bed i had the tv on and she parked herself over me and started happily tapping on the floor. I kid you not. So today i tried to show my bf how i am like her obsession now like she can't function it seems unless i'm around to bother like its a routine now. Plus she has conversations with it sounds to me like imaginary people. No one is up there talking back. There is a bunch of other odd behaviors and hyperactive symptoms too and shes always been hyper and noisy and rude but the talking to herself or others is new. My bf grew up in a family that had secrets so he thinks we should stay out of it. There is so much more going on like the mothers denial and dislike of me and they are from another country where culturally i dont think they deal well with mental illness so i think they are embarrassed and i think they may have refused to get her help because they keep her home alot and try to keep her quiet so i wont know. they listen to everything we say so worried about what we are thinking. I have talked loudly about them needing to get her help and that just made the mother mad. We dont speak . The father says hi like everything is normal.

[Open Eyes]

((((anjelmarie)))))

Wow, that is so strange, but I do believe you. Oh, and sorry about the carpal tunnel, but give it time the surgery should help elimate the pain, that can be annoying.

Can you go out with your bf and talk to him about finding a new place to rent? I think that this is not something you can solve and it is upsetting you too much. Maybe you can start looking for something that you can move to that is affordable?

In the meantime go shopping for a loud fan that can help to drown out the noise upstairs. I do that because my husband snores or I use it to help drown out noises if I want to take a nap and I just turn it away from me and the noise does help.

The other thing you could do is if the TV is in another room and you want to rest undisturbed, go put it on, close your door, put the fan on and rest. The girl upstairs will think you are watching TV. You can even put the fan on when you sleep at night, it may help to drown out the noise in the morning.

If the girls parents will not do anything to control the child then there isn't much you can do about that unless she is being abused.

You can find inexpensive fans at the Job lots that are located in the North East too. Or even Walmart may have them.

I believe you and it IS strange and should not be YOUR problem to solve. As I mentioned if you can find another rent somewhere else, then that would be a good solution too. Your mental health is worth it.

((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

[unaluna]

or a white noise machine. actually the girl might even enjoy playing with one. mine has jungle noises (birds, monkeys), train, ocean, fog horn, river, etc. but yeah move if you can; if you can't, help out; be a granny to the girl and her mother.

[anjelmarie]

I have tried to use the tv to get away to use the bathroom in peace. i have to creep quietly in my socks and hope my knee or something doesnt crack or i bump into something and i tiptoe in there and go quickly but she realizes it sometimes and comes in there. If she doesn't hear me making any kind of a sound she starts panicking and she runs around looking for me. As long as she hears me moving around on the bed or typing or whatever she is somewhat ok but if i'm quiet for too long she starts the banging and jumping and dropping things over my head. Then she'll walk around and stand quietly and listen to see if i move because they can hear everything as if i'm in the same room as them its weird and i hate it. They hear it if i'm chewing, reading they hear the pages when i turn them, i can't do anything after 10 pm because she will run to them and complain and they come in to listen for themselves and the mother will start fussing loudly like shes mad. They expect me to sit still and do nothing because it bothers her. Everything bothers her every little sound. The fan or the heater when i use them she jumps around and bangs on the floor because of the sound. The mother acts like i do things on purpose to set her off and then will complain to her husband and allow her to make even louder noise to get back at me. I'm doing normal everyday things but she acts like everything i do is to bother her daughter. Yesterday i purposely sat quietly when she came in because i wanted to show my bf how she acts if she can't figure out where i am because i am not making any sounds. She started to get agitated and was banging things and the mother and father knows that she loses it when she can't find me and they usually start panicking and take her out of the house to calm her down. I put my finger over my mouth to tell my bf to be quiet not to talk to me and i did not budge for at least 30 minutes and the mother was yelling at the husband and they were pacing back and forth and she was running around and making noise then she started with the talking and laughing to herself that she does and her parents came in the room and they started talking to her like they were upset with her and they went in the other room and was arguing while she continued to talk to herself between banging on the floor and pacing back and forth. usually she starts jumping around and banging and it gets really loud like a tantrum, she didn't get to that point because my bf started talking to me and that was the end of it. I went to the bathroom pissed because i wanted to make him see how bad the situation is and how it is all because of her obsession with me. Well she followed me to the bathroom and was making noise over my head and she continued her behavior of following me and making noise and they went to their room and everything went back to the way it usually is. Am i the crazy one because i see this as not being normal. Their life and hers revolves around me and i didn't ask for this and i dont want to be a part of it. Its crazy. Why doesn't anyone see that its not normal behavior? And the problem is i'm in the middle of it and she harrasses me and they let her and they get mad at me for trying to have a normal life of my own in private because it interferes with their daughters "problem". They are happy to continue letting her act in this way and they will continue to argue every day because they don't know what to do and they are worried about the school getting child services involved because they keep her home because she probably acts out there too. Everytime she has had a friend over they never come back because she doesnt know how to act. She runs around, hollering and jumping and the kid is probably wondering what the hell is wrong. A few weeks ago a girl spent the night and she was following me around as usual and i guess was trying to get the girl interested in doing it too. So the next morning she was making noise over my head and i said ok i'm putting my earplugs in and then i did plus i put the headphones on and tried to go back to sleep and she had a major tantrum/outburst and was jumping up and down, banging and acting crazy and the next thing i knew i heard the mother and the girl outside my window yelling at each other, well the mother was yelling at her and she ended up leaving. Then i heard the mother talking on the phone it sounded like she was trying to explain what happened to the girls parents. Then later she started arguing with the husband. everyday they argue and as soon as he comes in she starts yelling. the mother sounds like she is coming unglued by the situation. My point is they know the girl is not acting behaving rationally and needs help but they are embarrassed and worried about people knowing. They used to entertain all the time they dont anymore. She is getting worse and worse and shes older and they cant explain it. And they expect me to put up with the behavior and the noise and they also are embarrassed that we know whats going on. I know they are. Their culture thinks mental illness is a curse and i know they are at a loss what to do. Having depression myself it is hard for me to see her unraveling and not having friends and not having support because her parents are ashamed. She probably doesnt understand why she even is this way. I am compassionate but at same time i'm sick of being the scapegoat and i'm sick of not being able to have peace in my own apartment. I know you all mentioned using fans and moving but i am bothered by the fact that they are trying to deny a serious problem. Am i wrong here?

[anjelmarie]

I cannot get involved with the girl because the mother and i don't get along we had an argument once and plus too much has gone on and been said between our walls. She thinks i am criticizing her as a mother and she complains to me to her husband i know she does. She wants us gone so they dont have to worry about us knowing their secret and possibly telling someone. My therapist said if they are refusing to get her help and plus keeping her out of school that is neglect.

[Open Eyes]

((((angelmarie))))))

Wow, what a strange predicament you are in, I will give you that. That is like a scary movie theme of somekind. Steven King would do something with that. I don't blame you for struggling with this, I can't understand WHY your bf doesn't believe you. But I can relate to how well they can hear you because I can hear everything downstairs in my house when I am sleeping, hense the fan.

I think you should try to move out of this place myself. This is just too creepy in my opinon and truely not something you can solve. Oh, that would drive me nuts living like that, no, I can't blame you at all for being upset and no, you have no privacy, even in the bathroom.

Oh I feel for you and yes, you deserve some privacy and not having to worry about these strange people.

Have you asked your bf to move?

Open Eyes

[Tomjones]

This is harrasment.

I strongly suggest moving to somewhere else, and if they ask why tell them you're being harrassed by the landlord's daughter..

Either that or stick your "the world's most irritating noises" cd on full and repeat, then "forget" to turn it off when you go out for a long weekend

call child welfare anonymously on them.

if the child needs help & it is obvious she does then as an adult it you owe it to her to get her some. if her parents won't then someone needs to reach out & help the child.

look..the situation living there is going to come to a head & explode anyway. it doesn't sound as though it is a fairly tolerable situation to begin with..

what is more important to you? keeping everyone happy & making nice & ranting here..or seeing that a troubled child gets the help she needs?

your t called it right. it is neglect. it is a child. they matter more than your housing. or if the mother will hate you.

period. priorities.

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by stumpy

call child welfare anonymously on them.

if the child needs help & it is obvious she does then as an adult it you owe it to her to get her some. if her parents won't then someone needs to reach out & help the child.

look..the situation living there is going to come to a head & explode anyway. it doesn't sound as though it is a fairly tolerable situation to begin with..

what is more important to you? keeping everyone happy & making nice & ranting here..or seeing that a troubled child gets the help she needs?

your t called it right. it is neglect. it is a child. they matter more than your housing. or if the mother will hate you.

period. priorities.

I know your right and i feel guilty not reporting this but being that i'm living here in their house just makes it hard for me to do it. They will know its me who else knows and would complain? I've been hoping waiting and praying that the school would step up and demand they get her help. she has to be showing signs at school when she goes. Plus i dont know how the mother would react she is already acting unstable and paranoid and she has daily rages herself. I wanted to approach the father but he'd tell her or just smile and nod and tell me that i heard wrong nothing is wrong with her. I was going to leave literature but my bf balked at that idea because the'd know it was me. Plus it would be my word against theirs and if they went their for a visit they would see nothing wrong and she looks and acts fine for the most part. Thats the thing, i'm the common denominator that seems to bring out her obsessive strange behavior. If i moved i would definetley do something but it will take me months before can even begin to look. At any rate i am really miserable because it is a creepy situation. today i had the fan on and she went wild up there for an hour and even when she calmed down she kept dropping stuff every now and then. Shes up over me now. And her mother has become attached to her now so she follows the daughter and now i have them both over me all the time i can hear them both talking now. when i go back in the bedroom they will move to the girls room over mine. The mother is monitoring the situation i guess and worried i may talk about her i dont know whats wrong with her but instead of just stopping her from following me she just tags along. i'm going to tell my bf that i've had enough and we have to speed up moving and until then we need to talk to them about her behavior. they will deny it though and she'll just get worse. oh well thanks for allowing me to vent everyone i wont contonue to complain. i am interested if anyone has any ideas on what her problem is and why someone would act this way though. i've been spending alot of time and energy looking up stuff and she has symptoms of adhd, odd, aspergers and maybe bipolar. i'm angry about this because i don't need it as i am sickly and they have no consideration they act like she is the only thing that matters and even expects me to not do normal things because she doesn't like it. They are insane themselves. I also do not mean to offend anyone who may have any of these illnesses or traits i am not judging or saying anything demeaning about this girl i feel for her i'm just disgusted with havung to be in the middle of it and having to be harrassed on a daily basis.

[unaluna]

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14...ng-detachment/
this series of articles on detachment might be helpful.

i don't mean to be harsh but don't be so determined to diagnose this kid & her family if you are not willing to do nothing to help them. why so determined to give them a (her) a label? so you can say later on.."my old house had a neighbor kid that was a ------ or who had ----?

again i ask...spend that energy & do do something to help the child. not just you as a lay person pinning a label that may or may not be right or wrong. if she is indeed that ill then this kid needs help. if her parents don't see it...someone needs to drop a dime.

maybe it is something that can be easily worked thru with medication & therapy now...but later in life won't be so easily resolved..lack inaction may doom this kid. an issue in childhood will be so much less complex to work with...there are schools, programs etc. but not if there is no notification.

honestly so what if the mother dislikes you..isn't saving a child more important?

please. priorities.

[ladyjane4rent]

I have a few suggestions for this queer predicament.
1. Renters Laws, look them up for your state - every state has them no matter what culture or country you come from, if you are a renter then you must abide by them.
2. Noise control laws are also there, normally any noise after 10 or 1030pm can be phoned in.
3. They have no right to discriminate despite their predicament. If you are uncomfortable about this and you live in America please practice your right to voice your opinion to your landlord without and repercussions.
4. If after you politley try everything within your power and it gets worse but you can not move because of money or other obvious reason then Pro bono, baby.
5. This is life. They are people, just humans. You are a person, only human. Why can one human being not communicate with another without strings and politics and worrying about what that other human may say or think? I suggest cornering the mother when you go to pay rent and say what you gotta say. If she wants the money, she will listen. She may not respond at all, but you are still planting the seed in her head. If things get worse after that... threaten with the laws or pro bono you looked up. That stuff is more of a fall back than anything else.
Make a plan, follow through, and back yourself up. If you BF wont support you through it than screw him, you are a woman - grab your ovaries, march over there and demand silence!

[Open Eyes]

I understand you think that if you try to report this girl must be having issues the landlords will know it was you.

I was thinking that maybe one way to deal with it is you said the girl goes to school right? Well, maybe you could find a way to annonymously get in touch with the guidance councelor at the school and quietly ask her/him to observe the girl closer.
And you COULD call child services annonymously, I did that myself.

However if you contacted the school and they watch her more carefully, if something is presented to these parents it would be coming from the school and not you.

From what you discribe, it doesn't sound like these parents truely engage and parent this child at all. Do you ever hear the mother reading to her or taking time out to spend with this child? Well, children get lonely, thrive attention and if they don't get it they CAN do strange things to gain attention. It sounds to me like the girl is trying to seek attention by talking with friends that are not there and ofcourse you, someone who is responding to her somehow.

Open Eyes

[anjelmarie]

great i had just typed a huge post and when i tried to submit it it said it could not be submitted because of overload or something and my post disappeared and my hand is in pain and i dont feel like typing anymore i am so disgusted. i will have to respond to you all tomorrow. thanks for your replys and advice i appreciate it.

[ladyjane4rent]

Awww, poor girl!

[anjelmarie]

ranting again sorry but have to talk to someone. came home 2 am with bf we were not loud but talking softly and my little stalker woke up. she doesn't sleep much either and wakes up at drop of hat. just went to bathroom and heard her above me tapping lightly. i came to computer to vent and her parents room is over me and i heard her go in there and start tapping. they woke up and i heard commotion and now quiet for now. i think they took her to her room. sigh! oh wait nevermind. i hear the tapping again. WHY??? i don't get it. i wanted to come on here this week but had no energy. i'm not getting good sleep and am exhausted. have bad insomnia. going to try taking xanax with trazadone and hope to get a few hours undisturbed sleep. but she will follow me back to my room and tap so i will use ear plugs and earphones. i'm sorry i just had to tell someone about this craziness. i can't even believe it is happening. i will try to get on here again to update you. thanks for responding. i am grateful.

anjel

[Aslan]

you probably annoy her as much as she annoys you, shes the one
with the problem, you said it yourself you can hear everything,
moveout find somewhere else to live, because shesnot any of your
business.

[IceCreamKid]

I'm sorry this is happening to you and I hope you get an opportunity for a better living situation soon.

[Bad_Pooh]

The answer is U-Haul.

[anjelmarie]

Originally Posted by Aslan

you probably annoy her as much as she annoys you, shes the one
with the problem, you said it yourself you can hear everything,
moveout find somewhere else to live, because shesnot any of your
business.

Thank you to all of you that are understanding where i am coming from i appreciate your words of support and advice. I don't understand how anyone can fault me for wanting to have peace in my own home. "I am compassionate but at same time i'm sick of being the scapegoat and i'm sick of not being able to have peace in my own apartment." I don't understand how i am the bad guy. Asian, you said i probably annoy her and that i should just move because she isn't my business. I don't know why you would say that, you almost sound like you’re angry at me for venting about this on here. I thought this forum was for people who are having problems and want advice and/or support. Well i thought it would be ok for me to vent on here because this issue is causing me great stress and i already have major depression and anxiety and several physical illnesses. My blood pressure has soared to 230/120 even though i was taking 2 meds for it. I don't see how anyone can get mad at me for complaining, i didn't ask for this harassment. That is what it is. I do realize that the girl probably needs some help and has some kind or illness or disorder but that doesn't excuse her behavior or her parents for letting it go on. She is not mentally challenged she is aware of what she is doing. If you read my posts she gets extremely loud whenever i am trying to rest or sleep. If i turn the tv off she will start stomping and dropping things and hollering as loud as she can. Every morning when she wakes up she starts tapping and when she hears me putting on my earphones and popping a cd in and laying back down she then gets louder and sounds like she’s going to come through the ceiling. Clearly she is doing this to annoy me and to keep me from having any peace or any rest. What other reason can there be? That is just being mean. As i said she started harassing only me because they heard me complain about the noise she was making. Ever since then she has focused her attention on me, trying to annoy and provoke me. Maybe she does have some illness but trying to drive me insane is plain mean and its wrong. I think she’s angry and frustrated and taking it out on me because she can. Her parents should be telling her to stop and explaining to her that it’s wrong and if they have to remove her from the room that’s what they should do. Just because she may have a problem doesn't mean they cannot enforce rules and discipline. You can't allow a child to do whatever they want to especially when they are disturbing or harassing other people. I am a paying tenant. They rented the apartment to me and my boyfriend, we pay rent and i should be able to sit at home and not have her continuously making noise over my head wherever i am in the apartment. Becoming fixated on a person and following them around is called stalking. I am not the problem and I’m not the bad guy. I will be moving eventually but for now I have to stay where I am it will take a while for me to move, I can’t just move out next month. I don’t feel like I need to go into detail about why I can’t pickup and move right away. The point is when you have neighbors you have to be considerate. I have been a considerate neighbor. We are quiet we rarely have people over, we don’t have loud parties or make a lot of noise. Sometimes I play music during the day or watch tv. We don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs. We pay our rent, and I always make sure I turn the tv down after 10.00 pm. I don’t have a big loud tv and my tv sound is not even the greatest. I have it down to level 3 after 10:00 and by 11:00 I put it on mute. I grew up in an apartment building and my mother taught me how to be considerate and respectful of others. So I don’t know what I could be doing to annoy her other than just existing. Clearly she doesn’t like me (probably because her mother doesn’t like me and she probably talks about me to people in front of her, or maybe she talks about me to her), but so what if she doesn’t like me. You don’t have to like people but you need to be considerate and respectful. They don’t teach her anything and I don’t think they even know that is how you are supposed to be. I really don’t think they were taught manners or right from wrong. They do things that are inconsiderate themselves but expect us to obey all their rules. To respond to some of the advice you all have given, I don’t know where she goes to school. They take her to school and it is a private school I think. Lately though she has been home a lot. They must tell her not to make any noise or talk while she’s home so that I won’t know she’s there but she can’t help it. She still taps on the floor and follows me around. So I cannot tell the school since I don’t know where she goes. If I call social services and they come to the house they will look for signs of abuse or neglect and they will see none. They may talk to her and she will sound normal and intelligent and answer all their questions just fine. They will leave and that will be it. The people that work for children services are overworked, they have too many cases per caseworker and they don’t have the correct training or tools to do their jobs efficiently. I know this because there have been articles about it in the papers all the time. There have been big cases here where kids have died because they didn’t follow up on a case, or the case fell through the cracks. They have their hands full with serious abuse and neglect cases where the parents are drug addicted or mentally ill or just really bad parents so if they come and see the house spotless and they are all spotless and they seem like they are doing just fine, they are going to close the case and move on. It’s not going to be important to them. Plus they would need proof that she is acting strange and how am I suppose to get proof. I know what’s going on because I live here and I can hear it and I’m in the middle of it but I can’t prove it. The parents really don’t seem to know how to parent and they don’t seem to know what kids need. Someone said that it seems like she wants attention. You are right on, I noticed that and I agree with you, I feel like she is craving attention and since I get angry or annoyed and start complaining, I guess to her that’s attention. Sometimes I would talk directly to her because I know they hear everything. I would say things to try to get her to understand that it’s not right to do the things she is doing. I tried talking nicely to her to try to get her to stop. She seemed to enjoy it but she just got worse. I feel that I made things worse because she just became more obsessed and more out of control and loud. They do expect her to entertain herself and they used to have a tv and computer but for a year or more now I have not heard the tv. This is when she started to really get bad. Before she would bother me sometimes but now it is from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed. Sometimes it’s even in the middle of the night because she doesn’t seem to need much sleep. They are in the house all the time. On nice days they are in the house. The husband leaves and the wife sits in the house with her daughter. They will go out for half hour or an hour and come back and that is sometimes. With her energy she needs to be outside and she needs to get exercise. I would complain to my bf about it. I would say why are they inside all the time why don’t they take her out. Now she has nothing to entertain herself with so I can sort of see why she is acting the way she is. However, I still don’t think I should have to put up with her behavior. I think they need to stop her from harassing me. If they have to switch rooms and keep her out of theirs, they need to do something. Ignoring it is not going to work on her and I can’t ignore it. I have some information about a place they can go and seek help for children with emotional or behavior problems, it is a place for families, they would get support. I am looking for different articles that explain that sometimes you have to seek help and that it is not a bad thing and doesn’t make you a bad parent. However, I don’t know if it would help. I think the mother would get angry and I doubt they would follow through with it. I am also thinking of just going to them and saying we need to figure out how we can live in peace together. But I feel they will act like they don’t know what I’m talking about and deny any problems. So I am thinking of things to do and I will do something. I don’t know if a lawyer would be able to help me either because again, I would need proof that I’m being harassed. I wondered today if they just want us out and are trying to make me miserable enough to move out. I know the wife is not happy that I’m not working. She mentioned to my bf that I should go to a new store opening up and apply for a job. I am on disability. She has complained about the electricity and water bill because they are included in the rent. She has been ranting and raging for a while and seeming to complain about everything I do and I wondered why until my bf told me what she said and I put 2 and 2 together. Well I wish I wasn’t on disability too. My life is mess right now and I’m trying to hang on by a thread. I don’t even want to live. I hate waking up. That’s what I’m dealing with and so to have this going on too is just not what I need and it is really stressful and making me miserable. I don’t think I deserve this and I don’t think I should be looked at as the bad guy. I feel I should be able to have peace in my own home.