[silver_moon]

I'm not happy. But so confused!

Normally I'd say to someone who says those three words: "I'm not happy" that there's your answer... break up with them. But I don't see it like that.

I really love my boyfriend. Really do. But there's times where I feel like I'm (scum?) to him It's like he switches and when he speaks to me, well you wouldn't even speak to 'friends' like that. It's without respect. Now, I ain't asking for a lot... but I think 'respect' is vital in any relationship, be it loving, friendship or acquaintance. It's as though he thnks because we've been together for a good 2 and half to 3 years that all that goes out of the window.

I just want things to be good it really hurts when he's like that so of course I get upset and recently it makes me angry even because he's flipping clueless even though I've spoken about it. But then it gets turned on me because I'm upset and angry.

I can't even really think any more this situation has literally just happened and I feel alone and didn't have anyone to talk to so figured I could write on here.

[ToxicKisses]

I'm sorry you feel that way. A healthy relationship definitely includes respect. If people don't respect eachother -- be it a friendship, relationship, or whatever, it's very hard to make things work and it may even get worse before it gets better. My boyfriend & I have been together for almost 4 years and at one point it was very, very bad. There was NO type of respect. I seen him speak to strangers with more respect then he spoke to me with. But we had a long, long talk about respect. We agreed that in order for it to work, we need to treat eachother better. Try and get some time to really sit down with him and talk, without yelling...just talk. Let him know how you feel and that you need to be spoken to with respect. It's not the end but if he keeps treating you like that, you need to do what's best for you. Keep your head up and be strong! You're not alone.

[zigbar]

Silver Moon, you may love your boyfriend but what about loving yourself enough that you do something about the way he speaks to you? If your attempts to explain your hurt about this to him are being turned back on you, it seems to me you have a few options: try to restate your objections as calmly as possible to see if that reaches him; ask him to see a counselor with you; or, end the relationship if neither of those two things work because, as you say, "'respect' is vital." That lack of respect will have a corrosive effect on the relationship, and even more importantly, on you. You deserve better; maybe it can come from him, maybe not.

[Trippin2.0]

1stly, you're N0T scum. Don't let ANYBODY make you believe otherwise. Respect is vital, you're right. People that intentionally disrespect you don't deserve your time. People that continuously disrespect you and then blame you when you're upset over being disrespected, uhm, I can't describe them on PC. He's N0T clueless, what he's done is show you he has no interest in showing you respect, and he'll probably find various ways of disrespecting you. i.e. He's not respecting your boundaries!! And he will continue to disrespect you for as long as you ALLOW it. You have to figure out how to show him you mean business. Love is N0T enough, it never is. By that I mean that just bcoz there's love, doesn't mean it's meant to be... I learned that the hard way btw, so I'm not sucking it from my thumb or quoting Dr Seuss.
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You deserve better, you're worth way more than you're getting.

[LookingforCalm]

I'm glad you're here. You're in good hands.

As the others have said, you are right about the respect thing. It is vital, and it shouldn't come and go like a tide. It should ALWAYS be there. I don't care how comfortable he thinks he is. That's total BS.

There are many people in this world that like to push buttons, especially with the ones they supposedly "care" about. While I don't understand this myself, there are those that thrive when there is chaos or drama. What I've learned to do is either roll with it and stand my ground, or simply walk away. Some people are worth it - and some aren't.

I can tell you really love your boyfriend. But let me tell you this from experience - time shouldn't have ANYTHING to do with whether he respects you or not. There are people that I love more because I get to know them better.

But the fact that he's not only disrespecting you but also turning his back when you're upset is just wrong. He is pressing buttons, and you need to not let him get away with it if you want to stay together.

Tell him when you're not upset that you don't appreciate him talking to you in a derogatory manner - ever. It's not funny, it's not cool, and you need to let him know that you will not allow him to talk to you that way anymore.

Remind him that respect goes both ways. Because I'm afraid if this continues, you will only wind up resenting him more and more.

If you guys really want this to work, you've got to talk about it.

[silver_moon]

Thank you for all your comments. It actually really helped. We had a bit of a talk about this and so hopefully it's resolved. I'm hoping so anyway.

[Puffyprue]

Hope for the better for you and him molly

PS. i miss you

[IceCreamKid]

Please spend some time asking yourself why you love someone who makes you feel like scum. I believe that the person who puts up with this from someone will continue to get the same treatment from that someone. You deserve better.