Midlife Crisis?

My life has turned upside down in the last 4 years, so many changes, that I don't know where to begin. The biggest issue is lack of communication with my husband. The last time (of many) that I tried to explain my feelings to him and enlist his help in getting our marriage back on the right track, I ended up envisioning myself on the bathtub floor slitting my wrists. I don't believe in suicide and would never do it. But when I talk to my husband he twists everything I say around and the whole conversation becomes about him. Other issues - my husbands teenage daughter moved in with us 3 years ago due to problems. My teenage son, moved in with us 5 months ago due to different issues. My husband has always been "daddy" to our children, but never a real father, so the entire role of parenting has been thrown on me. Of course, his daughter thinks that I'm the wicked stepmom. In the meantime any physical and emotional closeness with my husband has gone out the window. I work full time, I come home and cook and clean and help our youngest child do homework. I've gained a lot of weight, have no life and no self esteem and the one person that I should be talking to is either incapable or unwilling to listen. I know that I've been rambling, but I guess that I just need to get this out to someone. Thanks for listening!

i'm sorry that you're having such trouble right now. it is VERY frustrating to live with someone who doesn't listen to you but turns it all to himself/herself.

is there any way that you could see a therapist. i think it would be really good to have a person in real life to tell your feelings to. i don't suppose the hubby would go for couples counseling, would he? sounds like the daughter needs some therapy also.

i had the "step children" phase of life for 16 years and i know it can be, at times, hell. for one of the children, i was definitely the wicked witch. good luck, pat

Your post makes me wonder ..why is it this stuff hits us women during mid-life? We have enough going on with ourselves...but everyone around us just seems to think we are without heart, spirit, understanding...the list goes on.

we are just the easy target. we usually lead with our hearts and it leaves us with a big circle on our back at times.

No, counseling is definately out. The two teenagers graduate in less than a year and a half. I keep thinking that if I can just hold on, maybe things will start to fix themselves when it's just back to us and just one smaller child. But at the same time the old adage of "a leopard can't change his spots", makes me wonder if things will ever change. I can't put the blame for everything solely on him. When we had children, I became a responsible parent who puts my kids first. For him, he didn't change, he's still just a big kid. He loves us, provides for us, and for the most part would do anything for us. But the day to day, normal parental responsibility escapes him. We go out to eat and my first thought is: what can the kids eat here? We go to a movie: what will the kids like? Maybe I go overboard, but on the other hand, he's exactly the opposite. He wants what he wants, when he wants it, and totally oblivious of anyone and everyone else. It's not that he's being mean. It's just that he has no sensitivity towards others wishes, thoughts or opinions. Again, he's totally oblivious!

Hi. You have a grat deal of self knowledge. I think you'll be ok...IMHO.

Until then, can I remain sane? A year and a half seems like an eternity. I'm so lonely!