[Ilovemykittycat]

So I guess I'm a typical teenage girl. But that's really not it. I've never been very close to her at all and I don't remember ever being very close to her. And I know that hate is a strong word, and you would probably all say I do love her and I'm just being a teenager. But it's true, I just don't like her at all. If she died I doubt I would feel anything but relief. She makes me so angry, everything she does just bothers me. She likes my brothers more than me. And when she's around I feel uncomfortable. And I can't talk to her about anything. All my friends can talk to her parents and I feel like I can't because I don't like her and I don't want to have anything to do with her or interact with her more than I absolutely have to. She's overprotective and she's a control freak and she's always getting mad, not about unreasonable stuff I'll admit but she's just so uptight and she's not fun at all, ever. I hate her.
I just realized recently how unusual this is when my therapist told me (I have depression and ADHD) and she said it seemed abnormal and more extreme than most people that I just don't want anything to do with her and I would be happier walking out. I used to think this was normal but now I realize it probably not. Does anyone else feel/felt like this? Or have anti sea why?

[Ilovemykittycat]

I meant "do you have any idea why" sorry... Autocorrect.

[Puffyprue]

Hey ,
i agree with you " Hate" is strong word and be careful with what you wish for, my mother is sick she is so abusive verbally and physically, iam surprised none of us (me & my sibling) died , i consider my self lucky because since i was 9 i lived with my grand ma and then at 11 i lived in boarding school ( people say its hell i say its heaven), i never closed with my mother but i think i never hate her well i dont remember i ever hate her i dont know why, right now i comes to the point she loves me but maybe not in the way i wanted her to be, iam sorry if iam not help much
have you heard that we dont know what we have until its gone so again be careful with what you wish for
if you ever need to talk iam here for you

[unaluna]

yeah I think that never having fun with you is a big clue. my parents were foreign and not educated so no they were not like everyone else's parents but still my dad did do SOME fun things with me, whereas my mom, NEVER. How can you like someone who you never remember smiling at you? I mean literally never smiling, just always looking at you suspiciously, never saying good job or thanks, even after you did all the family laundry (there I go again, about the wringer washer machine and no dryer!). Anyway. And I get the part about favoring the boys. I wish I had some advice to make it better. I don't. I'm sorry it's like this for you. It does affect your life in a lot of negative ways, it makes it harder for you to know how to be a woman yourself. It's quite unfortunate when a woman treats her daughter this way. Try to find another female role model if you can, an aunt or a teacher, or even your therapist, and just absorb as much as you can.

[Idiot17]

Originally Posted by Ilovemykittycat

So I guess I'm a typical teenage girl. But that's really not it. I've never been very close to her at all and I don't remember ever being very close to her. And I know that hate is a strong word, and you would probably all say I do love her and I'm just being a teenager. But it's true, I just don't like her at all. If she died I doubt I would feel anything but relief. She makes me so angry, everything she does just bothers me. She likes my brothers more than me. And when she's around I feel uncomfortable. And I can't talk to her about anything. All my friends can talk to her parents and I feel like I can't because I don't like her and I don't want to have anything to do with her or interact with her more than I absolutely have to. She's overprotective and she's a control freak and she's always getting mad, not about unreasonable stuff I'll admit but she's just so uptight and she's not fun at all, ever. I hate her.
I just realized recently how unusual this is when my therapist told me (I have depression and ADHD) and she said it seemed abnormal and more extreme than most people that I just don't want anything to do with her and I would be happier walking out. I used to think this was normal but now I realize it probably not. Does anyone else feel/felt like this? Or have anti sea why?

Hate is not such a strong word. I'm also a teenager and i seriously hate my mother. I was asked if i would care if she dies and the honest answer was no. I have no feelings for her;once after i hurt her (emotionaly) i waited for my guilt to surface but it never did. She simply doesnt understand me and has no idea what im going through. At times i feel like killing her im so mad at her. I dont know how many others feel this way. I totally agree with you i have no feelings for my mother, i have no interest in speaking to her or having any form of a relationship wirh her. I also just realized how abnormal it is but im not planning on changing any of it. And it has nothing to do with being a teenager. Do you ever feel suicidal?

[Ilovemykittycat]

Yeah I do because of my depression usually (and that has gotten much better than it used to be) but sometimes because of my mother because I feel trapped and I know there's no way I can control it and she is constantly trying to push her way into my life but I don't want her here and I just hate her. I dont want her to know anything about me.

[Coraline]

I don't have any attachment to my mother, we never bonded and she had mental health problems that made her a terrible parent. So this does happen, although your feelings towards your mother might not always be the same as they are now.

I've maintained a relationship with my mother for reasons I won't go into, but with hindsight I wish I'd known a way to set boundaries from the time I was a young adult, and to have a conversation with her where I could stay calm and not let her push my buttons. (I wasn't in therapy, and had no idea about assertiveness skills or things like that.)

My mother is still controlling to a ridiculous degree, and that comes from her being anxious and afraid. But her behaviour never got better, and she never tried to get help/therapy, because everyone in the family let her be like that. I wish I'd known before now how to calmly refuse to be part of it. The few times I've managed it, her behaviour has got much more reasonable and I 've felt OK around her, but I haven't managed it much.

I think it must be difficult as a teenager, because your mother will have control over aspects of your life. Also - dare I say it? - naybe you might not always behave perfectly! But as you get older and more independent, I recommend choosing a straightforward, adult way of communicating with her. IMO controlling people need to be given clear boundaries because they won't put any limits on their own behaviour.

[purplelephant]

I am also a teen and I also hate my mother. For very specific reasons, though. We actually used to have a good relationship. But then last year I was diagnosed with Anorexia. The treatment used involved my parents making me eat and gain weight. I completely understand the need for eating and weight gain. I'm in recovery now and I don't want to go back. I'm glad I'm no longer in my eating disorder. The thing is, my parents control my weight. They made me literally medically overweight. It's not just that I'm anorexic and am messed up in my head about my weight, I'm SERIOUSLY overweight. And I have to stay this way for as long as they control me, which may be through college. So at least the next five years. And I just literally want her to die a lot of times. I know that makes me awful. I just want to be at a reasonable weight, you know?
So I get where you're coming from. And I always feel like I have no one to talk about it with, because everyone else loves their parents. So you can definitely talk to me about it any time, I'd love someone to relate to!
I'm not sure how best for you to deal with this. Since it's been going on for so long, you probably already have some kind of system. I support the idea mentioned about other female role models. Other than that, try to surround yourself with people you love like your friends.
Wishing you the best.

[Caretaker Leo]

All my friends can talk to her parents and I feel like I can't because I don't like her and I don't want to have anything to do with her or interact with her more than I absolutely have to. She's overprotective and she's a control freak and she's always getting mad, not about unreasonable stuff I'll admit but she's just so uptight and she's not fun at all, ever.

For what it's worth... Much of what you wrote brings back memories. I didn't "hate" my mom, but we sure didn't get along while I was between the ages of 14 and 24. Not unique or strange... Most of my female friends felt the same way at that age.

I am surprised that your therapist is telling you that your feelings are abnormal. During our teen years we are trying to become our own individual selves. At the same time, our parents still want to protect us and are doing their best to give life lessons about the possible consequences of our actions. Will there be conflict and times when child or parent wants to scream out "I hate you". Of course! It is a normal part of breaking away.

The best parents are not your "friends". They are adults who are doing their very best to provide guidance to you as you move towards becoming an adult.

My mom is now 80. She still "protects" me and expresses some very strong opinions about the choices I make. And that's ok! I am grateful for her input. Her advice is helpful to me as I make decisions.

Did I "hate" my mom when I was a teen? Yeah, sometimes I said that. But I love her beyond words today.