[Mike_J]

I really have a problem with the concept of not at least trying to act like an adult during a difficult situation. For those of you who didn’t read my previous post my wife informed me yesterday that she wants a divorce. Fine (well not really) there is nothing I can really do about that, but that doesn’t mean we have to instantly become as petty as humanly possible.
Or does it?
I would really like to take the high road in all of this, if we both did it would seem it would make things easier for everyone involved.
Or am I just delusional?

[lynn P.]

(((Mike J))) - I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been living separated but still in the same house for 6 yrs. My story is very unusual - we've gone through a rollercoaster of every emotion. Yes its best for both of you to be fair and civil but that's easier said than done. If possible try to settle this in mediation - to spare handing out thousands to money hungry lawyers who'll drag their feet. Have you both discussed how to settle assets etc?

Its normal to have all kinds of emotions and try to keep the negative ones in check. Hopefully if you have a therapist ...that will help with venting. One thing couples need to remember is...once you were both in love...therefore you don't want to end up hating and feeling lifelong resentment. I'm still in the process but at least we can both talk at time like old friends and still share a meal. My goal has always been to split peacefully and never wanted to drag him through the coals. I hope this will be as easy as possible for you both.

[likewater]

((((Mikej))) there are so many emotions involved. The petty little things you are fighting over arent really what they seem. Ie fighting over who gets the burnt potholders , but really you are upset over loss of relationship not the p.o.s . Burnt potholder. Sorry you are going through this. Hugs.

[LightningMan]

Usually in a divorce situation there is a lot of pain, even for the person seeking a divorce. It doesn't have to get ugly, but it's not a mystery to me why it often does. Two wounded people make for a really bad mix.

[faerie_moon_x]

I think sometimes when one person finally gives in and says it is over, it's like the sever a cord inside of them, and all of the anger or hurt or whatever they were holding in just comes out. It's like that attachment that kep the civil doesn't exist any more.

Just use the old customer service idea of "kill them with kindness." Nothing derails an angry/upset/ugly behaved person faster than staying civil.