[BDPpartner]

we're away on holiday supposedly for my b-day, i was really dreading it knowing that my bpd partner always seems to have a crisis on or around days i'd normally look forward to; xmas and valentines day were awful We've had a big blow up i'm selfish, attention seeking and he hates me. It's the first time he's said he wont share a bed/room with me, i'm on the single surrounded by suitcases. Worse than telling me he hates me etc he knocked the door and came in and gave me with his ring back. I think we're really over this time and i'm worried about his state of mind. A neighbour recently ended his life and was found by his gf, i'm terrified i may wake up to something similar

[Harley47]

Bless your heart...

While I don't know your history, I would wager that if episodes like this are the norm around events like this, he'll come around. I don't think he meant what he said to you.

I will keep you in my prayers, and I hope things work out for you. Sending hugs your way.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Bless your heart...

While I don't know your history, I would wager that if episodes like this are the norm around events like this, he'll come around. I don't think he meant what he said to you.

I will keep you in my prayers, and I hope things work out for you. Sending hugs your way.

Thank you Episodes like this are fairly normal, but this one is different in that he has never made me sleep elsewhere in fact if i've ever attempted to sleep somewhere like the sofa he's insisted i return to our bed. And where as i've given back my ring, he never has. I do think this may be us done for good

[likewater]

(((Bdppartner))) sorry you are having such a crummy night. I hope the morning is better.

[BDPpartner]

today is awful, so tense, we're not talking the odd text but being in the middle of no where on holiday is making things worse

[Fresia]

((((((BDPpartner)))))))

[BDPpartner]

what a nasty day, he's been telling me he hates me, hinted and horrible things my family have apparently said about me and really doesn't care who i am and why i self injure. We're still barely talking; but he expects me to go and give him a wank !!!!! That's not right is it ?

No it's not right. How can you be expected to be physically intimate with someone who isn't talking to you, and when they are they are saying hurtful things. How can you be expected to be intimate when he handed back his ring and called it off??

I'm really sorry, but you have a choice here, go with what feels right to YOU. If he can't be bothered to care about you, your self injury or pain, the fact that this is your birthday, why should you be expected to take care of his sexual wants in return?

I think you need to start looking at what's good for you in this situation, what do you really want in your future.

[BDPpartner]

I know it's a symptom of his bpd and he's struggling since his councillor went on maternity leave. But how can he go from being nasty and hateful to wanting and expecting me to be intimate and then he can act like nothing has happened. How can he do it ? How ? It's one of the most difficult parts of being in a relationship with a bpd my suitcases were packed and in the car, but i wasn't in any kind of state to drive. So i'm here for another night, i want to go to bed but i'm wary to ask where i'm expected to sleep

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

I know it's a symptom of his bpd and he's struggling since his councillor went on maternity leave. But how can he go from being nasty and hateful to wanting and expecting me to be intimate and then he can act like nothing has happened. How can he do it ? How ? It's one of the most difficult parts of being in a relationship with a bpd my suitcases were packed and in the car, but i wasn't in any kind of state to drive. So i'm here for another night, i want to go to bed but i'm wary to ask where i'm expected to sleep

Because he's a man...They turn it off and on when they need or want it...

[Confusedinomicon]

Irreplaceable, I don't think it's right that you're gender-generalizing a behavior.

In my relationship I'm more like the BDP partner (though w/out the dx) and he's like the stable partner. Also I am more likely to be pushy about being intimate, whereas my boyfriend will shy away from it.

BDP have you guys ever thought of using a safe word to help you guys defuse friction? If at any time either of you become uncomfortable in a conversation, you would say the safe word. Then perhaps go into separate rooms where you give each other 30 minutes to cool down. After the 30 minutes you can attempt to converse again, or say the safe word for more time.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Irreplaceable, I don't think it's right that you're gender-generalizing a behavior.

In my relationship I'm more like the BDP partner (though w/out the dx) and he's like the stable partner. Also I am more likely to be pushy about being intimate, whereas my boyfriend will shy away from it.

BDP have you guys ever thought of using a safe word to help you guys defuse friction? If at any time either of you become uncomfortable in a conversation, you would say the safe word. Then perhaps go into separate rooms where you give each other 30 minutes to cool down. After the 30 minutes you can attempt to converse again, or say the safe word for more time.

That sounds like something that would be a fab tool, he kind of does this himself: but will not let me retreat it just adds fuel to the fire

[Confusedinomicon]

See if you can talk to him and bring up the idea to see his reaction and gauge the usefulness of it from there?

[likewater]

Ooooh. Safe word. I vote for the safe word

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

Irreplaceable, I don't think it's right that you're gender-generalizing a behavior.

In my relationship I'm more like the BDP partner (though w/out the dx) and he's like the stable partner. Also I am more likely to be pushy about being intimate, whereas my boyfriend will shy away from it.

BDP have you guys ever thought of using a safe word to help you guys defuse friction? If at any time either of you become uncomfortable in a conversation, you would say the safe word. Then perhaps go into separate rooms where you give each other 30 minutes to cool down. After the 30 minutes you can attempt to converse again, or say the safe word for more time.

Well let me reword it to make you happy, "SOME men"..."About 98.9999%"

[Confusedinomicon]

I love your sarcasm.

[Scotty204]

Sheesh sounds like my wife the way she puts me down. I hear her say things like "I wish you would die", I hate you, I can't stand you. I'm convinced she's got BP disorder and I can't take her anymore to the point where I want to give up on everything. I feel for you and I hope you make it through this.

[BDPpartner]

were still away and over the last couple of days it's been us trying to work at things and or me in tears being told i'm a selfish ***** etc. Today we've managed to go most of the day being ok with each other, then he went for a lay down. He started sending 'naughty texts' i replied playfully but making it clear i'm not really in a intimate place yet. He then sent me a text saying it ok if i'm not up for it. I'd killed the moment . Killed the moment now i feel guilty

[LightningMan]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

were still away and over the last couple of days it's been us trying to work at things and or me in tears being told i'm a selfish ***** etc. Today we've managed to go most of the day being ok with each other, then he went for a lay down. He started sending 'naughty texts' i replied playfully but making it clear i'm not really in a intimate place yet. He then sent me a text saying it ok if i'm not up for it. I'd killed the moment . Killed the moment now i feel guilty

If you weren't ready you weren't ready. Beating yourself up won't change that.

[Stoda]

Don't feel guilty. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. You have a right to your feelings.

[BDPpartner]

THANK YOU EVERYONE you've all been a great support