[oracat]

I didn't see a forum for work-related topics, so if this is in the wrong place, I apologize. Please move to the correct spot. Thanks.

A co-worker and I both had 1-year anniversaries within a week of each other. For each of us our supervisor posted a congrats message on the internal company site for the whole team to read. Last week was my anniversary. For me, he wrote something like, it's been great working and hanging out with you this past year and I'm sure the future will be awesome too.

When I arrived that morning, he didn't mention the post or say anything to me, so I was pleasantly surprised and happy when I found it after checking the site. I felt very good.

Then my fellow teammate had his year anniversary today, and for him, my supervisor created a post that said, it's been an honor and a pleasure working with you this year and I look forward to many more years. When my teammate arrived in the morning, my boss immediately told him happy anniversary. What? He never said that to me.

I dunno, after comparing what he wrote for my co-worker vs what he wrote for me, it does sound like my supervisor likes him better. I'm really demotivated and find it hard to focus because this is really bothering me. He used words like "honor" and "pleasure" for my co-worker, and he posted it knowing that I would read it also. If I had been him I would have maybe used "honor" and "pleasure" privately if I didn't use those same words to describe everyone.

Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot, he's awesome and I really like the job and my colleagues. I don't think my boss had bad intentions. Everyone is supportive, but sometimes I feel like I just don't connect as well with people as I'd like. I'm a bit reserved and quiet and it's hard for me to just "be myself" (whatever that means). I try my best at my work, but I never seem to be as good as my teammates, both in terms of the work and in terms of social skills. I'm not in competition with them (we always help each other out, but overall my teammates are all better than me in pretty much all aspects of life, even the ones who joined later). I guess my boss can pick up on that because he also senses that I am inferior and so that's why he subconsciously wrote my co-worker a sightly better note?

Anyway, do you think I'm overreacting or do the differences in the words he used for him in comparison to me suggest that maybe he likes him better?

I know that this might be a stupid, immature thing to worry about it's *really* bothering me.

[roads]

It sounds as if there might be different relationships at issue here.
Might it be simply that your boss knows & relates to the two of you *differently* and that better/worse doesn't enter into it?

The phrasing of the public postings sounds like this to me.

[Trippin2.0]

Idk the dynamics among you, that being said. I wrote a nice bday msg to a friend, sadly not my best work. 10min later I did the same for another friend and I was instantly inspired with beautiful words. Maybe I was suddenly inspired bcoz I'm closer to the 2nd friend, in that we communicate in a certain way, idk. What I do know is, I wished I was as inspired the 1st time, coz it's not like the 1st friend meant less to me, and I like to make bday wishes memorable, coz they've been done to death by now...

It sounds like he posted the same basic message to both of you. Maybe he was just trying to avoid the appearance of a "copy and paste" form message by using different words.

[oracat]

George H. really? Well I really, really hope that's the case. It just seemed to me that saying it's an honor/pleasure to work with someone seems strong than saying it was great to work with someone. but maybe I'm reading too much into it?

If it was me that's the way I'd look at it. Who knows what the real story is. If it's very important to you then maybe you could discuss it with him?

[Bella01]

It sounds like the message to you is more personal than the co-workers. Do you hang around after work?

[googley]

I agree that it sounds like he didn't want to use the same words with both of you. Especially since your anniversaries are so close to each other. My guess would be that he didn't mention it when he saw you in the morning because he was distracted by something, not that he didn't think your anniversary was important.

[roads]

Originally Posted by oracat

George H. really? Well I really, really hope that's the case. It just seemed to me that saying it's an honor/pleasure to work with someone seems strong than saying it was great to work with someone. but maybe I'm reading too much into it?

oracat, you're overlooking the "I look forward to many more years" otherguy got and the "I'm sure the future will be awesome" you got.

[likewater]

I'm brave enough with my boss i can joke around and bring stuff like that up. "So you want many more years with susie but not with
me? " and then see what he/ she says.

[Mike_J]

I don't think you are overreacting, your feelings of being a bit hurt are natural.

My boss sends out a weekly announcement about birthdays (never says how old someone is) and anniversaries with the company. Well he always forgets my birthday, and it always bums me out. I don't think many bosses really think about how things like that can bother their workers and how it can cause a less than ideal workplace for everyone.

[KeepingPace]

I could write pages about this but you have to go to work! I am retired after working at the same job for 22 years- if you let yourself get upset over something like this you will quickly get derailed in your career goals- with men in the workplace they speak a different language with each other than they do with females. - Neither of the supervisors comments sound like they have any "real" feelings behind them- he doesn't know how to evaluate you or anyone else- is my guess. These comments are "vapid" and meaningless! I would advise you to not even start looking for any kind of real affirmation of your good work habits- especially from a guy who still uses the phrases he wrote in his high school year book!
I spent a lot of time at work worrying about being, or at least feeling, slighted. I think it might help you to see a counselor and talk about how you can better balance out your personal life and your work life- . The workplace will NEVER and I mean NEVER appreciate you because that is how the game is played. I could write more but who has that kindof time? LOL Just do the best you can and go home with a clear conscience!

Originally Posted by oracat

I didn't see a forum for work-related topics, so if this is in the wrong place, I apologize. Please move to the correct spot. Thanks.

A co-worker and I both had 1-year anniversaries within a week of each other. For each of us our supervisor posted a congrats message on the internal company site for the whole team to read. Last week was my anniversary. For me, he wrote something like, it's been great working and hanging out with you this past year and I'm sure the future will be awesome too.

When I arrived that morning, he didn't mention the post or say anything to me, so I was pleasantly surprised and happy when I found it after checking the site. I felt very good.

Then my fellow teammate had his year anniversary today, and for him, my supervisor created a post that said, it's been an honor and a pleasure working with you this year and I look forward to many more years. When my teammate arrived in the morning, my boss immediately told him happy anniversary. What? He never said that to me.

I dunno, after comparing what he wrote for my co-worker vs what he wrote for me, it does sound like my supervisor likes him better. I'm really demotivated and find it hard to focus because this is really bothering me. He used words like "honor" and "pleasure" for my co-worker, and he posted it knowing that I would read it also. If I had been him I would have maybe used "honor" and "pleasure" privately if I didn't use those same words to describe everyone.

Don't get me wrong, I like him a lot, he's awesome and I really like the job and my colleagues. I don't think my boss had bad intentions. Everyone is supportive, but sometimes I feel like I just don't connect as well with people as I'd like. I'm a bit reserved and quiet and it's hard for me to just "be myself" (whatever that means). I try my best at my work, but I never seem to be as good as my teammates, both in terms of the work and in terms of social skills. I'm not in competition with them (we always help each other out, but overall my teammates are all better than me in pretty much all aspects of life, even the ones who joined later). I guess my boss can pick up on that because he also senses that I am inferior and so that's why he subconsciously wrote my co-worker a sightly better note?

Anyway, do you think I'm overreacting or do the differences in the words he used for him in comparison to me suggest that maybe he likes him better?

I know that this might be a stupid, immature thing to worry about it's *really* bothering me.

[faerie_moon_x]

I don't know, I wouldn't read too much into it. Sometimes people just use different words but really don't mean much by them or mean the same thing with different words.

Or here's an example. Last year my boss had a baby shower because she was having a baby. It was a work baby shower. The lady that set it up sent out this e-mail that was all done up in pink and had pictures of babies in it, etc. Big font, pretty. etc. Then about two months later another co-workers wife was having a baby and the same thing for the work baby shower, beautiful e-mail out with pink letters and cute pics, etc.

Then I was having my baby, due in January. And no one was saying anything about a baby shower. I was having a boy. Then in late November it comes up they are trying to find the date for my baby shower. Well, the e-mail comes out it is just a line of text: X's baby shower will be this day at noon. No pretty font, no big blue letters, no pictures of babies or cuteness... Just plain old Arial 10 point font, black. LOL...

So I just rolled my eyes. But I got a good turn out and had a good shower and so what? The people who cared at about me and my baby came and had a blast. I just ignore the rest.

[eskielover]

I know when I was a group leader (not the boss), I liked all the workers equally....but just because I liked them equally, didn't mean that there were some whose abilities stood out more than others.

It's not something that I would have ever made known in a public way, but your boss probably didn't even think that's what he was doing with his words.....& maybe in fact he really wasn't doing it even though it came across sounding that way. Unfortunately, some people are as oblivious to what they say/write as we are sensitive to it.

Best thing is to not focus on comparisons & just focus on doing your job to the best of your ability because that's what's going to make the difference & it's obvious that your boss does like the work you are doing even though it may not be as outstanding as a coworker you are feeling compared to. I have found in life that there is always someone who is going to be better than I am no matter how hard I try with my perfectionist personality.....so I just accept what is & enjoyed my work & the people I worked with.

Just to let you know, it's normal to feel the feelings you experienced when reading your bosses notes......it takes the processing of your thoughts & listening to your logical mind along with your emotional mind to be able to put it all in perspective.....which is what you are doing here & did very well in your initial post.