[Star20]

what am i suppose to do???? I have a boyfriend for 2 years now. we argue almost everyday. He is my everything i cant just break up with him cause we are about to get married. if i ever lost him idk what to do. i never loved anyone as much as i do him. He stole my heart. Like i was saying we argue alot and it seems like when he starts the arguement i stay quiet i dont say one word. i want to say something but the words dont want to come out.

[LightningMan]

I think if you are arguing right now without the stresses of marriage, you will have a seriously tough hill to climb once you are married. I suggest stopping the wedding plans and visiting a couple's counselor to sort through your issues. Bickering can really poison a relationship, so you need to find a better, healthier way to deal with conflict and disputes than this.

Also, speaking only from personal experience, not saying your piece in a conflict situation leads to resentment and in my case the dissolution of the relationship. Both parties in a relationship need to be heard. So I hope you do go for couples counseling and I hope you find your voice.

[Stoda]

I can relate in that I have a hard time communicating when I think it will start a fight. Litterally my brain will go blank and I can't think of the words to say, much less verbalize them. I would recomend couples counseling.

[OneEmptyHeart]

Sounds like you have a few options

1. Get premarital counseling to learn to communicate better (if he says you don't need it then he's blind, dumb or afraid of a therapist calling him out on His faults) if he truly loves you he will do ANYTHING to work towards a happy marriage.

2. Ignore all the problems you have together. Get married, become soooooo much more miserable than you currently are, maybe throw a kid or two in the mix to further complicate things. Spend your days feeling extremely depressed, stuck, defeated, broken down and unloved.

3. (and this is taking a stab in the dark for sure)
Realize that you're not in love with his current self, your more than likely in love with the person he was when you first got together and he swept you off your feet. Truth be told he may never become that person again. Would you be okay married to him if things never got better? Or if they got progressively worse after marriage? Think very hard about this before you walk down that isle.

I'll leave you with this little quote "sometimes love is not enough"
In my younger years I strongly disagreed with this quote. But now I completely understand, it takes much more than mutual love to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It takes mutual respect, very hard work and understanding, patience, I could go on but hopefully your catching my drift. I hope you're strong enough to do something about your issues before you consider marriage. It would be a very wise decision on your part. I wish you the best none the less

[shezbut]

Hi Star20,

Personally, I'm a big fan of seeing a counselor before becoming wed, despite my lack of religious beliefs. I just think that it's important to be starting out on the same page, with a clear understanding of what the other person's expectations, plans, and hopes are. To me, the counseling is a given.

IMO you really need to talk about this disturbing trend that you've noticed, while you're in the counseling. I assume that they'd recommend delaying the wedding until you both do feel more emotionally connected and ready to take the next step. But bringing up the feuds in counseling is a little safer than at home, and kind of a little test to see how he will react when his negative behavior is brought up. This interaction could wake him up and cause some changes ~ or it could bring out some real ugly tendencies that he holds onto. Kind of a scary thought, I know. But it's also much better to know now rather than in another 5 years with children you've had together.

In my experience, true love doesn't equal fighting. Occasional arguments, yes. Maybe small resentment on certain issues even. But not regular fights. It's NOT healthy. I think that you need to get out of the relationship now. I do wish you the very best of luck though...take care!

[RomanSunburn]

I'm also engaged and about to get married, so I totally understand the stress of a wedding... But I was wondering, when exactly did the fighting start? Do you have any other stressors going on in your life? Getting married is definitely in the top ten of life stressors. When is your wedding, and how long have you been engaged? I agree with everyone that couples counseling would not be a bad idea. The one thing that really stood out to me in your post was that you said the reason you couldn't break up with him was because you were about to get married. If that is truly your reason for staying together, then I highly recommend postponing the wedding, if not calling it off all together.