No real good father figure growing up

So I had a father who wasn't the best, started being emotionally abusive to my mother and my brothers and I,- always spending money we didn't have, and an overall immature attitude. One time he chased one of my brothers with a pair or garden sheers and my brother locked him outside with him screaming at him. Luckily my mom was home and was able to diffuse the situation.
Then at age 13 I found out (my mom claims they told me this when I was younger but I think I was too young to remember) that he was really my step father and they got a divorce shortly therafter. Where was my father? Well, instead of helping my mom raise my two older brothers and I, he was M.I.A. for 9 years and then conned his way out of paying back owed child support and I found out that he had married and old girlfriend and adopter HER three children and helped raise them as their own.
One Christmas card sent to us when I was in my senior year of highschool was our only contact with him. Then, New Years 2011 my brother tells me that he found out our father had died three years prior in 2008 of cancer. Apparently he was a smoker- something my mom never mentioned to us. Anyway, it was a hell of a blow.
And not just because I was really drunk and it was 3am on new years day.
While both my brothers claim to hate him and refer to him by his given name(though maybe this brother not as much as he had taken the time to try and find out info about him), I always referred to him as our dad and sort of thought I'd meet him one day and we could have a relationship. Maybe it's the idealist in me. I would think about him in highschool, picturing him showing up on our doorstep one day and I'd contemplate on whether I would hug him or slam the door in his face. Needless to say finding out about his death has squandered any chances of anything like that happening. As it is I still hate fathers day and plan on having it off from work just so I don't have to hear people talking about it or have people ask me about it. Of corse it is less painful for me now than when I was in middle and high school.
I've also come to realize that the lack of a (good) father figure in my life growing up has severly damaged the way I interact with men. Right now I really don't want to be in a relationship with one, I see them more as mere friends. That's probably because of my bad experiences in the past.
I've been in bad relationships, verbally and emotionally abusive, and also in loser relationships where I thought we were exclusive when we werent, I even have been a victim of sexual assault on more than one occasion and never reported it. I keep picking 'losers' because I think my self-esteem is low and I don't know how to be in a good relationship because I wasn't witness to one growing up.
Though for the most part I'm attracted to guys, but I never feel like I can trust them and have a hard time opening up my heart to them. My first boyfriend wasn't until I was 18 years old! Pretty sad I guess. Anyway, I guess I'm posting to see if anyone can relate to this and/or have any advice for me as to how to go about getting over this- as I feel like I will never be able to have a good relationship with men.

I hear what youre saying. Girls need dads to teach them how men are supposed to treat women. I'm sure therapy helps. I have seen many women become successful after recovering from tremendous hardships and trauma. Just don't do it the way I did; alone. It doesnt work and you end up feeling more distant from the possibility of trustworthy intimacy as time goes on without therapy. Keep talking about it, and try out some therapists. Perferably female therapists.
Hang out with people you want to be like, not those less than you. They will bring you up to their level if you can overcome your feelings of not being good enough. (I'm only assuming you feel that way from what you wrote.)
Unfortunately, it doesn't get better overnight, but it's the PROCESS of healing that will actually heal you.

I understand to an extent how you feel. Though my father is available to me (I can see him whenever, though he and my mother divorced early in my life), he is a horrible role model for various reasons, and I ceased any form of visitation with him when I turned 13. I understand not having that model.

How I dealt with it was looking at what my father is as a basis of what I shouldn't be in life. A model of (forgive me if this sounds harsh...I mean this mostly towards mine) failure is still a model, only instead of looking towards it, you look away.

I am sorry your father passed before you had a chance to reconcile...I know that must be hard. As far as men goes, not all of us are like our fathers. There are good men out there. Therapy can be a huge help in dealing with the underlying issues that cause your problems with relationships.

I hope I was of some help to you, and I hope you are able to find some peace in this.