[leiar2d2]

All I do is worry about everything and i can't stop. It makes me sick to my stomach and now I think my boyfriend is going to break up with me. I don't know what to do. we have been together for six months and only have known each other for that long. He feels it isn't progressing into what he wants and I feel like it is because all i do is worry he isn't going to like me anymore. Which is silly I know, but i had a recent issue where all my friend left me out of going to the movies and made me feel like i was nothing. And unfortunately, this girl is his roommate and told him all I do is complain about him to everyone, which i highly don't, I got to advice for her when my anxiety is up. It recently was up a lot and i thought I could trust her as a friend. I'm still not sure what was said to him but we are suppose to talk tonight. He has been talking to me everyday to make sure I am ok and wants me to get better. I really don't want to loose him in my life because I feel like I found someone I've always been looking for. Any pointer on what to talk about??

[Christina86]

Do you have a therapist or someone to talk to that's a professional and not either of these two people?

Sometimes people feel overwhelmed by mental health stuff. It's not their fault, but it's not yours either. Sometimes they're not sure how best to help. 6 months into a relationship really isn't all that long... do you have any other friends or support people?

[leiar2d2]

I'm talking more about it to him. And i have other friends i am talking to about it. just is hard cause they don't really know him that well. and he forgets how quickly we became boyfriend and girlfriend. we were suppose to talk tonight but he changed it to tomorrow now.

[leiar2d2]

And i have reached out to my dad so he is helping me get insurance so i can go to a therapist. I am just worried it will be too late.

[Trippin2.0]

Question: what would you change if you could 're-do it all' like in your title? I ask bcoz if you feel that change is possible, start now

[leiar2d2]

Well, first off, I wouldn't trust anyone but him with my feelings and i would have gone to my father sooner to get help for my anxiety. Then i feel like i could talk to a T rather than people who just want me to stop talking. But i just want him to see that i know it should be like this and I'm working on making it different and healthier for both of us. But i don't know how to convey that to him. Also, I want to say to him lets go on actual dates. Most of the time we would just hang out at the bar near his house or at his house in his room watching him play video games. Before he moved closer, he lived in a less stressful environment and thats when everything was super awesome!

[faerie_moon_x]

From experience I know this: if you have a problem 99% of people in your life don't want to hear it and don't care. This includes people you might consider your friends. If you're having mental health concerns, that same number of people will try to help you. The 1% of people who will help you and care are very hard to find, and the majority of those people will have no idea how to help and will become easily overwhelmed. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

Next... I know you love this guy but let's look at what you've said. Most dates were at the bar near his house or watching him play video games. Did you ever play with him or were invited to play? Or were you just a fixture, sitting there while he plays? Also, which games(type)? (Yes, that is important.) And while playing did he have a headset on so that he could talk to the people in the game while you sat there watching? Or was he playing and interacting with you at the same time.

Another thing: girl roommate suddenly telling him about your conversations. How close is he with this girl? Good friends? Was she ever included in your "dates"? Is she a gaming buddy with him?

It's good you're going to see a T soon. I personally do not like the sound of your situation. Also, if you're working on making it healthier for both of you, is he going to be doing that, too? You can't try to be something better for him if he's not going to try for you. You should try to be better for yourself, not just for a six month relationship.

[leiar2d2]

part of the reason i want to better myself is because it has happened so many times to me in the past with bf or gas. i push people away because i feel like everyone hates me sometimes. he is talking to me and wants me to focus on getting better, and the video games i was invited to play but did not. he does talk to me while he is playing and i enjoy watching him play. i don't know what u mean by dates tho.

[leiar2d2]

We didn't really have dates. it was more all of are going to the bar. and id meet them after work. which is my point as to why i think he feels the way her feels cuz we didn't really get a chance to work on us

[faerie_moon_x]

Well, even an "in house" date or a date where you meet at a bar is still a type of date. But it is good to do other things as a couple as well, and not get in a rut.

Okay, so it is good he interacts with you and wants you to play with him. That's good. If he was just sitting there playing while you float in the background, that's a bad sign. It's also good he is concerned and wants you to get better.

Things you say bring up red flags. When you talk to the T make sure you tell them you sometimes feel like everyone hates you and you push them away.

Also suggest to him to do other activities with you, and you alone. Going in a group is fun but you need alone time to build intimacy (emotionally). Doing things together, actual things even like seeing a movie or playing miniature golf or whatever, that builds memories and bonding time. It is important.

Update when you've talked to him.

Even if you break up everything is going to be okay. But I think he's overwhelmed at the moment and that can cause a shutdown.

[leiar2d2]

i just talked to him and we did break up. He has walls built up himself and some of the ways i act caused him to start putting them back up. I asked if he can be open minded and hang out with me when i start getting help. he said i seemed like the most confident person in the world and awesome and then all of a sudden i switched and became so insecure and all i did was worry. He doesn't know if that is what made him feel the way he feels or if is that we just aren't good together. but in my heart i feel like everything would have been ok if i didn't become like this. he agreed to hang out as friends at times, so maybe when i get better he will see me for me and not this over emotional person that can't stop crying.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm sorry things went south, but I can understand why he would feel the way he does, bcoz insecurity is the opposite of confidence, so not only did he get the opposite of what he thought he was getting, but he was completely blindsided too. That's alot to take in. Maybe you're right, maybe in time being friends, he'll see you and not your insecurities, better yet, maybe in time you can work thru them, and then build a wonderful relationship as a confident whole person, just happy to be herself I really hope you feel better soon and that everything works out for the best. Take care of yourself and please don't be a stranger! XOXO

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm sorry things did not work out with your boyfriend. I know it is hard now, but it may be for the best. You want to be with someone who can love you for you, good and bad. You want someone who, if something goes wrong, they don't turn cold on you or turn their back. And you want to be with someone that good or bad, you will be able to stand with them through their hard times.

As Trippin2.0 said, it will be better for you to start a relationship when you are a whole person. Don't worry so much about relationships right now. Work on yourself so you can be the best you that you can be. And do it for yourself, not anyone else.

[leiar2d2]

thank you. Im going to work on myself. Because the same things keep happening my whole life. Every boyfriend has broken up with me and I think it is because of this. So hopefully when I get a to a T, I will become my own person. Thank you for your responses.