Don't I deserve a little better?

A VERY rare idea came to my head this morning.

My bf was frustrated with me yesterday, for not wanting to give into his sexual desire. I was tired though ~ and told him to just go fishing, as he became all distant and bratty. He says our last sex was a week ago and he has natural desires. He tells me this pretty much every week! (boo hoo )

I was up until 11:15 or so, waiting for him to return from fishing last night. Then, I gave up and went home. Today, I'm thinking "F him!!" We had sex several times/day all last week (until Friday), when my girls came to spend the night. Monday morning, he went fishing & didn't get home til late. Tuesday came and he went fishing without me again. So, I'm supposed to give into this BS?? Just lay down at his beck and call?

What am I to him? Just some freakin sex toy??

Sick of this crap....

My ex husband was like that. He'd do what HE wanted to do all the time, and then come home and want to "play." HUH? You come home at 3:am and expect me to be WAITNG with bated breath?? I don't think so. It wasn't Peyton Place -- and there was no "red light" in the window. LOL

Sure he got upset -- so what? He didn't care that *I* was upset when he took off all the time.

You two need to sit down and talk. You need to discuss where this relationship is going. Perhaps couples counseling would help. Do you have anything in common? What can you two DO together? Why doesn't he take you fishing WITH him -- do you like to fish?

See about counseling. If he won't go, you'll understand that he isn't willing to put any work into the relationship -- then you can make the proper decisions. God bless and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

I feel your pain, I feel your pain...It's frustrating

Thank you Leed,

I sat down with my bf early this afternoon ~ after I posted this rant/Q. I told him how I felt. He apologized for hurting me, but I'm not really sure that he understands what I'm saying to him. Because the next thing I know, he goes into frustration that he has with himself (for being paralyzed chest down). He'll never understand what I get out of the relationship, etc.

I really do care about my bf. I am attracted to him. I have fun with him. But, maybe we've just gone as far as we can go. Because no matter how often we have sex, it's never enough for him. He always wants more & then complains that he's always the one to ask and he dislikes that. I told him that there are times that I want him, and he's not around, but I don't use those times against him. I don't make remarks to make him feel guilty about not being around or not "in the mood".

We often do go fishing together, which I enjoy. I'm just not as passionate about it as he is. He'd go every day ~ all morning to about 11 p.m. if he had it his way! I'm happy with about 4 hours a day, 3 or 4 days per week, if I could have things my way. I still have a part-time job, appointments with doctors, watching my girls, and grocery shopping to do.

Thanks for the hug and listening...

I don't think it's his right to pout or act bratty if you aren't in the mood. It takes two, and intimacy (at least as I see it) is something special that shouldn't be forced or "on command." If your libidos aren't compatible and it can't be rectified through communication or a compromise of some sort...well, that is something to consider.

My advice? Keep this matter on the table and open to communication. MAKE him understand what you don't think he's understanding.

I am 27/f and in my marriage, this is the opposite. I want WAY more sex than he does. I'm not working after a big car accident, so have lots of time to think about it too. LOL. It's always been this way.

My husband is a sweet and considerate soul most of the time, when he's too tired/busy/whatever to really do it all properly, he offers me a no strings handjob, which I take appreciatively.

You are by no stretch of the imagination required to be ready and willing whenever he is, particularly if he keeps his own schedule, however it really does suck when the object of your lust isn't keen for it.

I'd get him to interest you in sex, with romance, erotic backrubs and stuff that relaxes and turns YOU on.

GL!

"My husband is a sweet and considerate soul most of the time, when he's too tired/busy/whatever to really do it all properly, he offers me a no strings handjob, which I take appreciatively. "

Even coming from my perspective as a guy, he sounds like a winner. Everyone comes out ahead, even if he's not up for the whole deal. This is a subject for negotiation and mostly for experience with each other's desires. In a previous relationship we went anywhere from slow and gentle and how did it get to be two hours later than I thought it was - must have been really into it for several hours - to a quickie before racing out the door. You just have to be in tune with each other. There's definitely something to be said for coming in the door after a hard day at work and being unexpectedly tackled at the door and physically dragged to the bedroom for a furious welcome home session.

I guess the whole point is whatever works for you has to work for both of you, and he doesn't seem to be getting the point. Sounds like there's a need for a serious heart to heart - or several - until he gets the picture. I don't have any experience with a sex therapist, but this might be a good time to look into one. Good luck to both of you.

Hey

I hope things get better soon.