[Penny T. StDuhnam]

Twice. I've asked three times!. And I'm confused why it doesn't come. These are my friends. People I've lent money to they haven't paid back, cleaned their house, watch their kids on a dime and dropped by everything to whatever has been asked. Perhaps an exception or two but, honestly, I don't ask for much. It's not my nature.

I'm asking for an afternoon. Just come sit and be my motivation. Things are extremly stressful at work. I've had a flare up of my physical conditions and i need a hand. I need vision. I just need to feel like there's someone there.

But why? Why don't they see how despirately I need a hand...

[Leed]

That's rotten! It's amazing how some friends treat us. I guess we can't call them "real" friends. These are just USERS!!! These are people we only hear from when they WANT something!! And we're too nice of people to say NO. We have to start setting boundaries. We HAVE to learn to say NO.

I had to learn that. I used to do the same thing. Whenever anyone asked me to do something for them, like watch their kids, run an errand, etc., I ALWAYS said yes. But whenever I asked them for a favor, which was hardly EVER -- they never had time. So -- I decided I'd never ask again, and I'd never do anymore favors either. I won't be a "doormat" anymore.

I know it's rough when you NEED someone. It really hurts. I guess in my case I chose the wrong kind of people to be my friends. The trouble is, I don't know how to choose the RIGHT kinds of people. They SEEMED like "good" people when I met & hung around them -- but obviously they were self-centered & selfish. In fact when my husband died, they ALL dumped me! Guess they didn't want a single woman in their "couples only" group.

Wish i could help you -- but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I know for a fact there are lots of others like us out "there." We ought to form a "lonelyhearts" group! LOL God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[gma45]

WOW I can relate! Somehow they just are all too busy or have some other lame excuse! I agree with Leed. Then I also think that we have come off to them as someone so strong that we would never need help so when we do they just don't take us serious. Hell I don't know really but feel free to PM me anytime I am usually here as I don't have many friends in real life. I know it's not the same but it's the least I can do!

[Irreplaceable]

First, you need to clearly define and figure out who your real friends are. For me personally, a person needs to prove themselves as being a good friend to me before I give them the title of "friend". Now an aquantance (sp?), those I have. But true friends who are really there for you and you are there for them, those are rare. From experience, I have found that people really are wrapped up in themselves, their lives, and their families. It's reality, it's life. I feel for you. There are days where I feel totally overwhelmed and need someone to talk to. I will not call my mother, my sister, father, whoever else, because everyone is busy busy busy....Find things that are therapeutic to you and is a form of release for your emotions. I have found things that I can do on my own to release and relax. You have to understand that people do not owe you anything. That is a harsh reality that you will find out. No one owes you anything. When you find that one true friend, hold on to them. Your friends may come around....Give it time. Until then, find things you can do on your own...Meet new people and make new friends. You know what I thought about doing just recently? I don't have friends. I'm in a relationship, the easiest friends for me to make are men, but my man won't allow it. What I will do, is just go have a drink by myself in a bar. Relax and unwind. Every time I go out alone (which I haven't done in awhile) I always end up having a great time. I meet new people, mingle, conversate for hours sometimes... I am careful though. I do not get drunk. I'm a smart girl. I watch my drinks, don't drink too much but just enough to relax and conversate....I'm a loner. I have learned to adapt to doing things on my own...Find something that works for you. I have things that work for me.

[shezbut]

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time, Penny T.

I can relate as well. No friends for me either. I'm not tough to please, it just takes a very long time for me to let my barriers down. So, I seem pretty harsh and snooty to those who don't know me. I'm the opposite on the inside!

Have you thought about going to a local support group with others who have the same (or similar) physical illness? I did go to a TBI group for about 6 months or so, a few years ago, and that helped me feel less alone. Perhaps you can find a support group in your area?

If not, you're certainly welcome to PM me. I'd be happy to respond ~ offer feedback or just a shoulder, if you like. Take care!