Feeling a bit down today

Was discussing a guy at work with a friend and the friend said something along the lines of "he's got pretty high standards", insinuating I didn't meet them. I'll admit I'm not a 9 or 10, but I'm tired of not being good enough. I do my best to earn people's respect, but obviously I need to try harder. Maybe my standards are too high? Maybe I expect too much? I've halfway accepted the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I was actually feeling pretty good about the situation with the guy at work, felt like it was heading in the right direction, but now I'm not so sure and a bit hesitant to try to push it out of the "friendzone".

I would go for it chickie! I mean drop the right hints, keep doing what you're doing. People have a tendancy to be jealous and manipulative when others are happy and getting together. Don't take that "friend"'s word to heart about the high standards. Even if he has high standards, so what? You belong in that category. Don't sell yourself short. He likes you obviously because you think things are going well right? So trust your instincts and don't let anyone dissuade you. Good luck!

I do feel like we're becoming closer friends, but since this other friend said what he did, I wonder if that's all it will become? I hear guys around me all the time saying "I'd never date a girl who ______" or "I'd never date a girl who had ______" and I always think "Well, I do ____" or "I have ____". It seems like no matter what, I don't meet anyone's standards for various reasons. Granted, with most of them, I don't care and they don't exactly meet mine (too shallow, etc), but it seems to be a general problem. I have self esteem issues and social anxiety as it is, and hearing these things from people who know me pretty well doesn't help at all. Now I feel like I constantly second guess everything this guy says, wondering if he's just playing or if I'm misinterpreting things or if I'm actually right.

an update in case anyone is interested: been texting back and forth a bit, and plans are in the works for a possible date next weekend since our work schedules may actually line up for once. I suspect the other friend's comments were motivated by jealousy, but I'm not 100% sure. While it doesn't solve my self esteem issues or my fear of sex, it's one less drop in my problem bucket I have to worry about. I'm still not sure I'm completely ready for a physical/sexual relationship, but I feel like my problems will just keep getting worse until I face them. Maybe this is my opportunity to do that with someone who might actually care? Still VERY self conscious about my lack of experience, not so much with intercourse itself but everything leading up to it (kissing, foreplay, etc), and I start getting anxious just thinking about me kissing or having sex with someone, so there's a good chance this could all blow up in my face and make me swear off guys forever (ok, maybe not forever, but a long time).

Don't worry too much about sex/foreplay and lack of experience. I was very inexperienced when I started seeing someone who had more experience, and it made me nervous for sure. But its all natural, and it will come to you Just don't overthink it and let it happen when the time comes. Go with the flow

I'm happy to hear that your friend's remarks weren't accurate. That ought to be a little morale booster!

Regarding your anxiety about sex and foreplay....I would advise you to go slowly. No need to already be worrying about when and how things will occur between you two. In my personal experience, the kissing is a learned art. It doesn't take long at all to notice what feels comfortable, and what doesn't. Good kissing can be terrific for men and women ~ lasting for hours! IMO, that's the way that it ought to be. Really!

Gentle, soft and slow massaging of each other's bodies usually pops up somewhere with deep kisses. If you aren't ready to take that next level, you'll know that by an instinct to stop kissing and back away. If that kicks in, listen to your body. That's your mind telling you that you aren't ready for this. You aren't comfortable yet, and need to go more slowly.

You can tell your guy to slow things down at that point. Hopefully, he'll listen and won't become a jerk. {Although if he does become a jerk, there's a BIG clue that the relationship isn't going to work for you.} So, slow down until your body does feel comfortable of expressing and receiving affection.

Don't ever push yourself to meet sexual expectations that you are uncomfortable with.

Another update: the date isn't going to happen because work schedules were changed, but there doesn't seem to be a lot of interest in rescheduling, just excuses as to why not. There is still a lot of flirting and texting going on, but I'm starting to feel like this is getting pointless. This has happened to me before with a friend where there was mutual interest and a date was set up, then fell apart at the last minute and we never talked to each other again. I'm back to feeling like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe I just get my hopes up too soon and see things I want to see that aren't really there? I know that I'm "still young" and "there's plenty of time" and "the right guy will come along" and "don't rush things", but every day that passes is one less chance, one less opportunity. I'm tired of feeling alone. I don't have a best friend to turn to, I have no siblings, my family isn't all that close. All I'm asking for at this point is for someone to go out of their way to want to spend time with me. I do it for others all the time.

It sounds like you're putting a lot of expectations and pressure upon this relationship.

Just yesterday you were happy, but worried about what next? Today, you feel as though your work schedules just aren't going to allow a romantic relationship to occur between you. Don't give up so soon! Take some deep, slow breaths and try to let go of that loneliness and paranoia that you're feeling inside.

Out of personal experience, I have firsthand knowledge that no man (or woman) will ever fill that void that you feel within yourself. Try not to focus on the big picture. Like, "I never get ___." and focus instead on moment to moment life.

Human beings are social beings, and do need some interraction to stay sane. Maybe you're going out of your way to be there for those who aren't the right fit with you. Some people will keep sucking you dry, and not giving anything in return. It is time to end those relationships!

Yes I agree, and being here is a great way to vent. I am glad to read your updates and to know whats been going on with you. I hate to use another chiche saying "don't put all your eggs in one basket" but it seems to fit here. It will come. Friends are everywhere. They are here on this site. We are here to support you and I am glad you chose to come here and vent. It will happen for you it will. But like shez said, enjoy every day, and try not to stress yourself out about things that are not in your control. You can't control others and their actions but you can control yours.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Most recent update:

Still no date in the works, but we've been texting a lot (before bed, after waking up in the morning, randomly throughout the day, every day). He told me I'm a good friend, so I'm a bit worried about being friend-zoned, but it's not a huge concern. Trying to just let everything go with the flow, but not sure it's flowing in the right direction

You should have said this, unsmiling, to your frenemy, when he/she said "he's got pretty high standards": "So do I."

You don't have to be alone for the rest of your life if you don't want to. But it's good to remember it is preferable to be alone, than to be unhappily yoked to someone. I hope things work out for you.

most recent update:

being referred to as "a good friend". I believe he is aware I'm interested in him, but mentioned to someone else that he was single by choice. My goal at this point is to continue to build the friendship while trying to get myself into a healthier frame of mind regarding intimacy. If this develops into more than a friendship, great. If not, at least it is motivating me to try to make some positive changes in my life.

another update: hung out with the guy after work one night, had planned on staying for an hour or two, but ended up talking for almost four hours. He hinted he wanted me to stay the night, but I left. Plans are in the works for a night at his place. Probably not the best idea, but I'm looking forward to it. I feel like I might be setting myself up for disappointment though. I think I'm probably going to get hurt over this, but I might as well go with it and see what comes of it.