[bobbie b65]

I'm at a point in my life where I need to accept, forgive and move on with a marital issue. The problem is, I have never been able to forgive people that hurt me. This is serious and the success of my marriage is on the line.

When important people in my life: family members, friends, boyfriends, etc., hurt me with things they said or did, I would try to look past it and move on but I never really could. Over time, for my self preservation, I would block these people from my life. Even when I forgave them and tried to move on, it was never the same after that.

Once someone becomes untrustworthy or hurts me I'm finished with them. I know it's not normal because no one's perfect and we all make mistakes and should be forgive, but I just don't know how...I need help.

Thanks for reading,
bobbie b65

Originally Posted by bobbie b65

I'm at a point in my life where I need to accept, forgive and move on with a marital issue. The problem is, I have never been able to forgive people that hurt me. This is serious and the success of my marriage is on the line.

When important people in my life: family members, friends, boyfriends, etc., hurt me with things they said or did, I would try to look past it and move on but I never really could. Over time, for my self preservation, I would block these people from my life. Even when I forgave them and tried to move on, it was never the same after that.

Once someone becomes untrustworthy or hurts me I'm finished with them. I know it's not normal because no one's perfect and we all make mistakes and should be forgive, but I just don't know how...I need help.

Thanks for reading,
bobbie b65

((((bobbie)))) I used to be the same way...

...I am discovering why with my T. The more I address deep(er) issues with my T, the better I feel and am able to cope with every day things. And the more I am able to put myself out there.

Frankly, a lot of people have given me an awfully good reason to NOT trust any longer. I was setting the bar awfully low but placing wayyy too much emphasis and importance on what other people needed, wanted and how they thought vs. putting the emphasis on myself (fatal flaw and totally exhausting)

I have a long way to go, but at least it's not a big giant mystery anymore.

Sometimes the only way to forgive is to face all of the pain head on and feel all the feelings associated with that action in order for it to become less important / painful. I do not want to suffer any more because I put everyone else and their feelings before mine.

Best wishes. Keep us posted!
((((Rose))))

[Gilead]

Originally Posted by bobbie b65

I'm at a point in my life where I need to accept, forgive and move on with a marital issue. The problem is, I have never been able to forgive people that hurt me. This is serious and the success of my marriage is on the line.

When important people in my life: family members, friends, boyfriends, etc., hurt me with things they said or did, I would try to look past it and move on but I never really could. Over time, for my self preservation, I would block these people from my life. Even when I forgave them and tried to move on, it was never the same after that.

Once someone becomes untrustworthy or hurts me I'm finished with them. I know it's not normal because no one's perfect and we all make mistakes and should be forgive, but I just don't know how...I need help.

Thanks for reading,
bobbie b65

If it's any consolation at all Bobbie - I don't think it's not normal (hate double negatives but I'd have to think too hard to fix it). I think over the course of time feelings (trust/love etc) erode the more you're hurt by people. It's ok for awhile but when it happens over and over it's difficult not to be affected by it. Rose's observation and experience with therapy is a good one - I should have focused more on the topic when I had the opportunity. I do forgive people but I don't seem to be able to ever recapture the strength of the original feelings.

I think you should forgive yourself first and then worry about forgiving the others.