Why do I humiliate myself???

I was in a relationship for a couple of years with a guy who asked me to marry him then he called it off 3 weeks later. He had gone as far as asking my Father for my hand in marriage. He had two arguments with me and that was the end of the relationship. I stayed in a separate room in the house until moving out a few months later. We rarely talk/text. Today I went by and asked him if I was pretty... if he wanted to kiss me.... if he wanted to go to a movie... if he thought we would have a chance of getting back together. Of course, he said no to everything.... why do I do this to myself??? It's so humiliating.... It's like I like beating up on myself.... does anyone else do this kind of stuff????

I did when I was VERY young -- like 15. But I haven't since because I learned my lesson.

Doesn't this HURT when you do this? I would think that after one time, you wouldn't do it again. How often have you done this?

Perhaps talking with a therapist would be a good idea. I think I would. I'd want to find out why I keep putting myself thru this. There MUST be a reason why you torture yourself like this.

Call a good therapist. It can't hurt -- and it CERTAINLY doesn't mean you're crazy or 'mentally deficient.' LOL I think that EVERYONE should see a therapist at one time or another. We ALL have issues. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

I'm guessing you did this in hopes things had changed over time. Now that you know things haven't changed, you know not to do this again, right?

If this is a one-time thing, I wouldn't stress too much over it. After all, if he'd said yes to your questions, you might have resurrected a many-years relationship that was obviously important enough to you to consider marrying this guy.

HOWEVER, if this is the USUAL way your relationships go, then you might want to see a counselor or therapist to sort it out. Constantly going after people who don't want to be in a relationship with us is a sign that something is wrong.

I see myself in your story. I wasted 14 years of my life chasing after a guy who gave me mixed messages about our relationship. Instead of walking away, I kept hanging around "hoping" it would change. Of course it did not change. Eventually I gave up and left. (DUH!)

My suggestion? Get a therapist or counselor IF this is a repeated theme in your life, OK?


Anne

PS, you mentioned that you guys text/talk infrequently. Perhaps that texting/talking keeps you hanging on? If that's the case, stop doing it. Otherwise, it might keep tempting you to think you can resurrect things AND keep you from moving on.

Just a thought...

Anne

I used to do this when I was younger but now that I'm older I know that if someone doesn't want me, I just walk away. there's someone else out there for me--someone BETTER. each guy I date have been nicer than the previous one. it's a sign that I'm growing, maturing and one of these days I'll find someone who fits me better than the rest. you can, too! please, move on. he's just not that into you and you deserve someone who is. <3

Thanks for all your words of wisdom. I couldn't find this thread so that I could read what was said I did end up doing it again... the whole begging on my knees ... yup... on my knees! I am learning that I have such low self-esteem that I allow myself to do this. Yes... he said no!!!!! Who was an insecure woman begging on her knees as a g/f?! I do have a therapist now and I'm trying to believe that I am sooo much better than this. I'm 47 and not that bad looking.....