...not as easy...

So... back in September my boyfriend of over 2yrs cheated on me with a guy.

When we started dating he had been talking with this girl and this guy was her best friend. they went to the beach and supposedly she dared them to kiss and that was the extent to his homosexual experiences. that was like march 2009.

We started dating in July and moved in together in October. looking back at it I wish I hadn't moved in so quickly. I thought I knew him so well and time has proven me so incredibly wrong.

He lied about his porn habit from the start. before we were officially together I asked about it and he told me he never really got into that ****. I told him I felt like it was completely disrespectful in a relationship and believed it was infidelity.

shortly after moving in together, I came home after working on my birthday and he fell asleep laptop in hand playing porn.
I was furious. I confronted him and he told me he didn't do it often and said he was sorry. he said he was just bored and was going to delete the accounts and dedicate himself to me. I forgave him but I began losing trust in him.

the guy he cheated on me with had been calling and texting him at all hours of the night. sometimes calling at 2am 3am and I would get so upset because he refused to silences the phone knowing I had work early in the morning.

he was then fired from his job and home alone frequently. the calls and messages increased and the guy kept talking trash about me and I told my boyfriend that I didn't see why he was friends with someone who would talk so bad and disrespect his girlfriend. he said he would block his number and after a couple months the calls and messages would start again.

he finally started working in September and things were okay for a while. but every few months the calls would resume. it caused a lot of fights because I.didnt understand why this person kept on calling and sending messages when my boyfriend told me that he would block the number and tell the guy off.

a few months later we moved in with family and in September I caught him cheating. he was so disrespectful and mean to me sayin all kinds of things picking on everything I messed up. and I asked him if he was talking to that guy again because it was a pattern with him.
he denied it and said I was makin things up in my head just acting like a ***** and three days later I read the emails between them from three days old when I had asked if he was talking to the guy.
I called him and told him to pack his things and leave because I knew what he had done.
he immediately began calling me names denying it all. I read him the emails and Hung up the phone. he called me begging for forgiveness crying and saying how sorry he was and how it was a mistake he was trying to forget alreay.
he said he didn't enjoy any of it and that life without me would be impossible.
I love him with all my heart and have been trying to forgive him these last 9months.
its like every time I feel somewhat okay about the whole thing he does something or says something to make me feel like the pattern is coming back. recently the guy sent me a nude photo that my boyfriend had sent of himself and it was in our apartment, long before I had caught him cheating. he denied having sent the photo until I showed it to him and then changed the story to "I told you and you don't remember."
lately he's been super critical of everything I do and called me irresponsible and unworthy of a promotion at work. I'm not allowed to talk about the cheating because it makes him feel bad and thinks I should whole heartedly trust him because I decided to try to forgive him.
I know I should just drop him and move on but I dont want to. I'm starting to think ill never be able to get over it
our 3yr anniversary is in a few weeks and I can't think of why I even love him.

I'm sorry, but he's shown you time and time again that he can't be trusted. And now recently you get this nude photo of your man -- what makes you think they aren't still seeing each other? Just because he denies it? Think again.

And now he's going back to being critical of you again, just like he did before when he was seeing this guy. Uh-huh. Sounds like trouble to me.

I would pack my bags, or better yet, pack HIS bags and throw the bum OUT. Tell him to go to his little playmate -- you don't need him anymore!

I wouldn't put up with this kind of abuse, and that's what it is. Besides, you don't know what he might give you, i.e. an STD. Get rid of him. Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

A dear friend of mine stayed with her abusive husband for years. He was forever putting her down, being critical. Going out all night, answering her question of where he had been with more scorn. Then he would apologise, promise to never do it again. Until next time.
After a few years, I started to get calls from her in the middle of the night, where he'd started thumping her. I am not saying your fella would do this, so dont get me wrong. And the pattern of apologies and more mental and physical abuse would carry on. On one of the few police visits, a policewoman said something that changed her life. It was "people get addicted to the drama". It made her see that she needed some time out, and she needed to take stock of the situation. So she asked him to leave, which was so hard, esp as he was the father of her children.

But, over the months she got to realise that the policewoman was right - it wasnt the drama, but it was what the policewoman meant - that she just couldnt think straight when the behavioral patterns were going on, she was just so wrapped up in it all. She never looked back... She's now in a relationship with a lovely lovely man, been going strong for 7 years and they are still like lovesick teenagers. Its wonderful as a friend to see her so happy.

I guess what I am trying to say in a clumsy way, is that perhaps if you took time out from this relationship of yours, you may or may not find that loving your boyfriend is enough to carry on. I think that you may just find your answer.

xx

Im sorry about this, he seems to be going back to his bad habits, you can't change him, he cannot be changed. Trust should be in every loving relationship, i strongly believe, from the very beginning. He should not tell you to avoid talking, you have every right to express your thoughts and feelings in a relationship, if he feels guilty that's his fault.

What is the reason why you don't want to move on? I cannot tell you to leave him, only you have that choice no matter how painful it is. There has been numerous counts in which trust was broken. Respect yourself, think about what is important to you, follow it, take some time to yourself, and make your decision.

it sounds like he is gay and not wanting to deal with it. if you stay, you will be staying with a guy who likely will not abstain from cheating on you....and if by some miracle he does, he will not be happy with you and you will not be happy with him. even if he isnt gay, this guy seems like hes not interested in you in any real way.