Post-Divorce Co-Parenting with a Sociopath

marriedasociopath · Jan 22, 2013, 01:35 PM

Long story short, I married a narcissitic sociopath who is addicted to very strong opiate painkillers. He attempted suicide several times, but the courts have given him very lenient visitation with our children. He never finished the therapy, never showed proof of wellness and now co-parenting is nearly impossible. I worry about my children during their entire visit (not supervised) and my children are not allowed to call, facetime, or come home early. If they are ill and go to an urgent care, he doesn't tell me. Then I am properly "reprimanded" about my lack of good parenting to make himself feel better about abandoning his children and his bitterness and anger at my divorcing him for cheating and stealing from me. Its going to be a long 12 more years, and I don't know how to deal with him. The kids and are in therapy-but as most people with mood disorders he doesn't feel he needs any therapy. I am the "Messed up" one. His first wife was his lashing anger while we were married for seven years, then his sister, then his boss, then a friend, now its me....he also cheats on the woman he has been dating for almost a year and my kids are totally attached to. ??? HELP!!!

Jan 22, 2013, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marriedasociopath

Long story short, I married a narcissitic sociopath who is addicted to very strong opiate painkillers. He attempted suicide several times, but the courts have given him very lenient visitation with our children. He never finished the therapy, never showed proof of wellness and now co-parenting is nearly impossible. I worry about my children during their entire visit (not supervised) and my children are not allowed to call, facetime, or come home early. If they are ill and go to an urgent care, he doesn't tell me. Then I am properly "reprimanded" about my lack of good parenting to make himself feel better about abandoning his children and his bitterness and anger at my divorcing him for cheating and stealing from me. Its going to be a long 12 more years, and I don't know how to deal with him. The kids and are in therapy-but as most people with mood disorders he doesn't feel he needs any therapy. I am the "Messed up" one. His first wife was his lashing anger while we were married for seven years, then his sister, then his boss, then a friend, now its me....he also cheats on the woman he has been dating for almost a year and my kids are totally attached to. ??? HELP!!!

Narcissism isn't a mood disorder, it's a personality one. Just thought I would put that out there. Quite different though.

I'm curious as to what kind of a sociapath he is, because nothing here really describes much more than him being Kind of an a-hole.

I see the problem with pain killers and wonder why there was never any enforcment for him to show he was free of them? I wouldn't want my kids around someone that was using.

Other than the painkiller addiction I don't have enough information to really give you much here. can you elaborate?

hamster-bamster · Jan 22, 2013, 07:56 PM

I think you need to go back to court to make visitation supervised until he can show proof of his completion of therapy. And, proof of wellness (although I did not understand wellness from what?). That your kids have become attached to the woman he dates AND you are not jealous of their attachment is completely wonderful. That your ex husband cheats on this woman is completely not your business. It is their private life. If you think, however, that this dating relationship might soon be terminated due to that cheating, AND you care about the kids' newly found attachment, then you definitely want to make sure the children stay in touch with this woman regardless of the status of her dating/non-dating with your ex husband. To foster their relationship with her would be a laudable goal.

hamster-bamster · Jan 22, 2013, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Narcissism isn't a mood disorder, it's a personality one. Just thought I would put that out there. Quite different though.

Yes, and the whole thing, narcissist, sociopath, addict, repeated suicide attempts, mood disorder - it is a mess. Are those the diagnoses you gave him or did someone actually see him professionally?

lisacj · Jan 23, 2013, 02:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Narcissism isn't a mood disorder, it's a personality one. Just thought I would put that out there. Quite different though.

I'm curious as to what kind of a sociapath he is, because nothing here really describes much more than him being Kind of an a-hole.

Have a nice day!
Love,
l

lisacj · Jan 23, 2013, 02:29 AM

Sorry, my finger slipped.

My ex is narcissistic. The only time he wants to visit my daughter (although right now I won't let him) is when he has a new flavor of the month and needs to show off his trophy child he's been bragging about. She has never been more than a trophy. I am sure if she was to get addicted to drugs and alcohol, get pregnant and drop out of school.....his need to show off his trophy would die.

She's real angry with him now and doesn't want to see him. But she doesn't understand why he doesn't make any attempt. You can't make a 15 yo, former daddy's girl, understand that it's not that he doesn't love her but he's incapable of loving anyone!!

Hamster: before you jump....NO, he has not been evaluated. But my daughters councelor is confident (after over 2 years with her) that he is in fact NPD. I also have about 18 years worth of examples, but I'm not going into all that.

Have a nice day!
Love,
l

hamster-bamster · Jan 23, 2013, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lisacj

Hamster: before you jump....NO, he has not been evaluated. But my daughters councelor is confident (after over 2 years with her) that he is in fact NPD. I also have about 18 years worth of examples, but I'm not going into all that.

Have a nice day!
Love,
l

But you are not OP. OP does not have a competent counselor if she calls NPD a mood disorder etc.