I feel guilty, but why?? Advice??

So I haven't had a boyfriend in a year. The last time i did have one i had been in that relationship for three years. He had been with me through a lot ( my parents divorce, my anxiety, ect ) , but things were bad between us. We had a lot of unresolved problems because im not a fighter. I really dont have the mentality to argue anymore & i was sick of him picking fights.

Anyways, I've been dating & every time my date and I get serious & he asks me to be girlfriend... i refuse. I just can't do it. For some reason it always feels wrong.

Also when ever i involve myself sexually with a man i feel extremely guilty. See, I've been doing things backwards for a long time.. have sex, then date. i haven't had the strength to deny a man sex. i told myself that if i could.. i really cared about him.

Finally, i met a guy. He's a cop & lives two hours away from me. We've been dating for a little over a month. He tried to have sex with me once.. the moment was pretty heated, but then i told him no... That i wanted to wait & he was cool with it. This man gives me so much strength. I've laid naked with him & just cuddled him & talked. i WANT to be committed with him. My parents love him. Over all, he's just a great guy & i feel like we fit. I think for once in my life i actually have real feelings for him

A few days ago he told me that he just wanted to be friends & now im so confused. He told me right now he isnt ready for a relationship & he would be ready in maybe a year or two ( hes just so busy with work... being a police officer is stressful). he told me does like me a lot though... but what if he's just saying that so he doesnt hurt me? He told me he feels bad because he cant give me the attention i deserve.

So my question is this: Do i wait for him?? Or do i move on?? This is the first time ive actually cared about someone in a long time.

Also: Why have i been feeling guilty to involve myself with a man sexually & just in a general relationship.

Hi ~ first I couldn't read the part in yellow -- it was just too light.

Second, I think you should just move on, cause if he said he just wants to "be friends" right now, you have NO idea how long that's going to be before he's ready for a relationship and you're right -- he might be saying that to save your feelings. You just never know.

As far as your not being ready for a sexual relationship -- there's nothing wrong with that! The timing just wasn't right! You're not the first person who has had that happen, sweetie. If it didn't feel right, then it's good that you said NO. You would have regretted it if you had said yes and you sure don't want to feel guilty about it. I applaud you for saying no. You have a good moral background and it will serve you well in the future!

You have NO REASON to feel guilty about anything sweetie. I don't know why you do! You're a GOOD PERSON! You have high moral standards. You are as deserving as anyone else of of good things and of being loved! So please don't feel guilty! Take care hon, and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Also when ever i involve myself sexually with a man i feel extremely guilty. See, I've been doing things backwards for a long time.. have sex, then date. i haven't had the strength to deny a man sex. i told myself that if i could.. i really cared about him.

^^ that's what the yellow said . And I haven't had standards for a long time .. I'm trying to be better. It's do hard to let go of him . I just care about him do much , but I know you are right . Thank you for your post . I really appreciate it .

Thanks for posting that - another member had to tell me that all you have to do is highlight it! DUH I'm NOT computer savvy, obviously.

Even if you didn't deny anyone sexual favors, I still imagine you had FEELings for the guy, right? I can't imagine you'd go to bed with someone you found disgusting.

Still, don't feel guilty hon. You're still a good person, and you still deserve to be happy and deserve good things! God bless. Hugs, Lee

Haha x) you're funny. Oh no I would never have sex with someone I didn't have feelings for ! I'm not that shallow lol.. Thanks .. I'm trying not to. .

I agree with everything Lee said. I don't think you should feel guilty (though guilt is one of those funny things... I understand how confusing it can be...) I also think you should move on. Honestly, I would do little to no contact for a while to let yourself heal. Eventually MAYBE let him back into your life as a friend, but I wouldn't go looking for him. Definitely don't limit yourself because you're waiting to see if someday ever happens... You have to take care of yourself here. Your happiness is your number one priority. And have faith in yourself and your self worth. Be confident, and you will find someone else and have a connection with them too -- it'll be different, but that doesn't mean one is better than the other.

Sorry I didn't reply sooner. I just wanted to thank you. There is one line in particular that really stood out to me in that. I actually appreciated it so much that I made it my face book status.

"Be confident, and you will find someone else and have a connection with them too -- it'll be different, but that doesn't mean one is better than the other."

I guess I hadn't been thinking like that!

I don't understand something you would deny being intimate with a guy that you care? Would that mean you value sex? So you might be feeling guilty because you're giving away something that you value
You can wait if you are willing to, but if you decide to move on, he isn't the only one
If it always feels wrong, would you still need time to sort yourself out before you're ready for a relationship? It may be your past relationship with your ex that's affecting your emotions