[whiteroses40]

Hi All-

I love coming onto this forum. This community is the best. Here is my dilemma with my hubby. We are going to marriage counseling this is our third session and a few things came to light. One, to me, is the most upsetting; therapist asked if he (hubby) was all into "saving the marriage or not at all into saving the marriage or if he has one foot in or one foot foot out. His response was that he "has one foot in and one foot out the door" when it comes to working on this marriage. The session ended before I had the courage to gain clarity over his response but its been bugging me as to the meaning. I'm naive mainly because I've been married for 23 years since I was eighteen and my husband is the only man I've been with so I don't have alot of experience picking up on cues. Any men out there who know what that means? If any women have gone through something similar and know the meaning I'd like to hear it. This marriage counseling thing is very painful.

Thank you all,

Whiteroses

[Jan1212]

I would think it is a positive thing he "has the one foot in", it may mean he is willing to listen and understand and change for you- but he will need the same. I think it's an expression with more than one meaning and it may depend on the person interpreting it
Good luck to you, Whiteroses

[shezbut]

Whiteroses,

My interpretation is that your husband is willing to try to reconcile, to work through your problems together. But I think that he's also feeling a bit anxious about saving the marriage, and what it would entail.

His response is certainly more positive than him being unwilling to try anything. I see that as a good sign.

Best wishes to you both!

[Mike_J]

Well when my wife and I went to marriage counseling he asked us both how commented we both were to working on the marriage, I said I was 100% committed, she said not so much, that hit me like a sledge hammer blow to my heart. I know the pain you describe.

Now one thing that he did say that gave me a bit of hope, was that sometimes the people who claim to be the most committed often are the ones who work the least on the marriage, and sometimes the ones who say they don't want to work on the marriage turn out to be the ones who work the hardest.

Counseling is hard, any kind, hope for the best but know that things are going to be difficult even if in the end things work out fine it will be a rough road.

[1tash1]

I am also married 23 years this August,we are on are 3rd meeting with are counselor as well hope your meeting are not 1 time a month like ares was,starting this Tuesday we are ever 2 weeks.We was asked the same thing,my wife has 1 foot in 1 out she said,I believe that means as far as I can tell so far, they want to stay in marriage. Big changes has to happen to keep marriage,good luck to you both is very heart braking to go through.

[whiteroses40]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Well when my wife and I went to marriage counseling he asked us both how commented we both were to working on the marriage, I said I was 100% committed, she said not so much, that hit me like a sledge hammer blow to my heart. I know the pain you describe.

Now one thing that he did say that gave me a bit of hope, was that sometimes the people who claim to be the most committed often are the ones who work the least on the marriage, and sometimes the ones who say they don't want to work on the marriage turn out to be the ones who work the hardest.

Counseling is hard, any kind, hope for the best but know that things are going to be difficult even if in the end things work out fine it will be a rough road.

Thank you all you've given me some hope. This is so hard. Everytime i visit the counselor , I walk away feeling pissed off by the things he says but this therapist calls me out on it. I have another meeting tommorrow and I'm feeling anxious. Will update you on how it goes.

[Lost321]

I would say I am personally that way about my marriage too. I want it to work because I do really love my husband but I am so miserable right now that so many things would have to change to make me not want to leave too.