I feel everything is my fault

I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and we have been on a roller coaster ride the whole time. The beginning was so rough to boot, we both was getting out of 10+ yrs of marriages. He has 3 younger kids and I have 2 older kids 19 and almost a 21 yr old. One came with me and we moved in with him. I had to go through the crazy stages of his ex's crazy texts voice mails and calls. Plus his parents was living there when I moved in, so for the 1st year there was never a me and him it was every thing else. Which my 2nd ex and I didnt have kids together I had my girls when I was very young and was only with there dad for 2yrs. There is so much to this story UGH... But we are now to a breaking point and I have decided I need to go to a therapist get myself help try to find me and get happy again, that is his biggest complaint. I bicker about everything and everything upsets me and his kids are always upsetting me and his parents came back for a month and a half and I couldnt handle it and didnt want them there again and and and....... I do not feel as bad as he is always saying I am. I try to tell him my feelings and he tells me it's not true I dont feel this or that way. He has now said he has kind of disconnected himself from "us" in away. Trying to see a future but it's really hard to see one and doesnt have much left to say about the relationship. So I am like ok I have to get it together and show the women he fell in love with the happy go lucky girl that laughed and smiled and loved everything. He's pulled away and isnt himself anymore all the things he did I fell in love with are not there and what he fell in love with is gone. I dont know how to get it back because he's closed off now so I go home immediately I'm upset it's not right we haven't spoken much about anything since sunday. So sad and lost..... Sorry for the long spill I'm on my way home and maybe this will help venting before I get there in the dead silence of one another.

Why is everything changed? Is it because you have no time together? What has happened between the two of you? Why don't you talk anymore?

Why don't the two of you have a night out together -- kind of a "date" where the two of you have time just for YOU? Where there's no kids, no parents, no anyone else but you two? Maybe you could even make it an over-nighter? You two need some time together, to just get to know each other again and to have some fun. It sounds like you haven't had any privacy or any time alone in a long time. You could do this "date" thing once a week or once a month- whatever you could afford. It would surely help the marriage, and be fun besides.

You could also use some couples therapy. Why not see a therapist for both of you? Do you think your husband would go? He needs it as much as you do, as he doesn't sound much of a communicator. He need to learn how to talk to you! He's not communicating very well. You two need to learn how to do that -- how to get your feelings out without blaming one another for anything. Plus you could learn how to fight FAIR -- with no low blows or no bringing up the past. Therapy can help you with that too.

Ask him about therapy, and if he won't go, you can still go by yourself. It wouldn't hurt that's for sure. I wish you the very best! Sounds like you have a lot going on in your home. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

I would not waste trying to figure out whose fault the breakdown in relationship is, I would just try to figure out what I wanted. If he is not who you started the relationship with and you are not what he wants, then I don't see much there unless you both want to continue the relationship. If you do, you both have to work on it, not just you being more "happy" about his inconveniencing you allowing his parents to come between you and he and trying to control you, telling you what you think and feel (that's called "crazy making" http://www.abusivelove.com/AbusiveLove_4_07.htm). You can only be responsible for yourself and getting what you want and need, not whole relationships.

Thank you both for your great advise. We did take a trip a few weeks ago and had a great time. His kids do go with there mom and we do have our alone time. It seems that's when he says I change is when they come back. I told him I am going to just step back and not become so involved some things that go on is really more for him to handle. I know we are a team but, sometimes things should be handled on his own. We really, really have a communication problem that's for sure. I do have a hard time with over reacting and having a temper. I let to much soak into me that I have become out of control with frustrations and anger. Little things tip me off. I am however seeking counseling and will commit to it. Sometimes when I feel out of control and I need someone else to step in I"ll seek it. Then things start getting better and then I stop. This time I am going to go ALOT. I have a of demons I need to deal with. We both brought some of our past relationship issues to this one and it's very sad and frustrating. Anyways I'm working on things I need to do me for awhile and stop counting on others for my happiness. I must learn to love me in order to love and respect and have empathy for others. To much self pity that I can not and will not continue. Just getting there and the motions will be the work. Thank you for listening and your wise advises !! Everyday is a new day to make the right choices.