I can't control myself

I don't know where to begin
I have something I don't know what but.

2 weeks ago my girlfriend left me, my girlfriend who helped me come to terms with 90% of my mental issues through our relationship.

We broke up because I had a breakdown, and she said she was scared.

She told me via facebook

She wouldn't see me

the day after we talked normally and she said she might see me tomorrow
and then the next day she was saying sorry for hurting me and she couldnt face me
the next day she was heartless again and said maybe sometime this week
and then i broke down sent her loads of messages
she said maybe sunday i said ok and brokedown again sent more messages

she hasn't been to see me
i've been asking her to let me say goodbye

i cant stop myself from doing anythiing messaging her
thinking about her
i found out she is already sexually active and i cant control myself
we were perfect just before my breakdown
i cant stop messaging her
i need to say goodbye
i made her the solution to my problems
i gave her the thing i had used to keep them at bay
now she is gone
they are all back
i feel like i'm exploding

i cant control myself, im checking what she does on other forums
she deleted her fb
changed her no.

im breaking down
my head is thinking silly thoughts

what do i do
i cant regain control

Believe in you

Believe in your goodness

It sounds like there is a lot of strain on this relationship. You rely on her to fix 90% of your mental issues and the responsibility in the relationship seems unbalanced. However, those issues are really yours to take responsibility for and to fix. I am sure she has her own needs that require taking care of and perhaps those are going unattended. Sending her repeated messages does not sound like a good idea - it is probably driving her further away. You might seek the care you need from a therapist so that your future relationships are more balanced and healthier in nature. The therapist can also help you with your personal issues. All the best to you.

I'm sorry...I know how it feels to be in a situation like this.

It feels like drowning...and it's not fair.

I'm so sorry, but people still care about you.

Please don't feel so alone right now.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. But you have to respect your former girlfriend's wishes about no contact. What I am telling you is not judgmental on my part. I have been on both sides of this kind of situation. Being stalked is traumatic, and that sounds like what you're doing. I've been the victim of this, and it never ends well.
Also, being obsessed with someone who has removed themselves from your life is very unhealthy, having root causes beyond the immediate what you are doing. I've done that also.

Time to accept that the obsession you are exhibiting is your issue. (Again, not being judgmental...as I had to accept the same kind of bitter pill.) I know how hard it is, but you will need to focus on other things, even for just moments at first. It truly is like taking baby steps...one step forward, two steps back. This requires extreme patience and kindness to yourself.

There is an excellent book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, that was recommended to my by a therapist when I was in an obsessive stage. I think much of this book can be found online now. The chapter that helped me focus was, I seem to recall, Habit 1, in which the author talks about functioning in one of two realms: The area of "concern" vs. the area of "influence." He uses a visual diagram illustrating the two. I still refer to this mental image when I find myself obsessing. What it means, briefly, is that if you are operating in the "area of concern" you are worrying, obsessing about things over which you have no control. In your case, the ex girlfriend. People can spend their whole lives operating in the areas of concern. The diagram for the "area of influence" is where you want to be...i.e., those things which you can control. For instance, can't control the past, it's done. You CAN control what you do in the NOW and from this moment forward.

Sounds simplistic, I know. But it will help if you want it to.

Patty

Edit: Here's a synopsis of Habit 1:

BooksThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Habit 1 : Be ProactiveYour life doesn't just "happen." Whether you know it or not, it is carefully designed by you. The choices, after all, are yours. You choose happiness. You choose sadness. You choose decisiveness. You choose ambivalence. You choose success. You choose failure. You choose courage. You choose fear. Just remember that every moment, every situation, provides a new choice. And in doing so, it gives you a perfect opportunity to do things differently to produce more positive results.

Habit 1: Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are "response-able." They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior. Reactive people, on the other hand, are often affected by their physical environment. They find external sources to blame for their behavior. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and performance, and they blame the weather. All of these external forces act as stimuli that we respond to. Between the stimulus and the response is your greatest power--you have the freedom to choose your response. One of the most important things you choose is what you say. Your language is a good indicator of how you see yourself. A proactive person uses proactive language--I can, I will, I prefer, etc. A reactive person uses reactive language--I can't, I have to, if only. Reactive people believe they are not responsible for what they say and do--they have no choice.

Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive.