Am i just mature or do i have a probelm

Throughout my life i have made many friends, some i have held on to others i have lost contact or just due to my mum ( she makes it hard for me to meet up with friends).
Anyways i have made a few close friends but as i get older i have realised that they sideline me. I am always there for them but it seems i am just back up. They chase after all these people they claim they don't like and can never be themselves around, before me.
I decided that maybe i should make some new friends, but it is really hard, i only go up to a certain level of conversation with them, they never want to go further. I make sure i dress well and never come of desperate but no matter how i try i seem to be the unwanted one.
I always stick true to myself, i actually find it physically had to be fake and never be myself, does it mean that in order to go on in life i have to be fake?

No i don't think you need to be fake. I think true friends will accept you the way u r. And if they can't then maybe there not worth it. Maybe you should find other people to talk to. Maybe someone that you would think that you couldnt mix well with, could be that friend your looking for. Keep your mind open, maybe you just need something new in your life instead of theses so called friends dragging you down.

Best of luck to ya :-)

I agree with Sweathers81--
Don't be fake- be yourself- and if they don't want to accept you for you, and want to go and be fake- let them do what they want, only concern yourself with what you do and feel right with.

Be wishes your way.

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

From the above, I do not see a problem. If you do not like the type or quality of your friends, that's your choice. However, if you are thinking by "type", want to be friends with lawyer's wives and you use to be friends with people in jail, for example :-) that's not going to work either?

If you feel you are doing a lot for people and they are not returning the favor, that you are "sidelined" by people, then I would question your idea of friendship. Friendship is not a trade, you don't do things for friends and they do things for you; you enjoy friends. They don't "need" you, they want you; you cannot buy them by doing things for them, hope they'll "let" you be their friend; those aren't friends!

What do you really enjoy doing? Go where other people do that and make friends there. If you like to sing, join a chorus, for example and you will be around other people who like what you like. People who chase after others whom you or I might deem "shallow" are shallow themselves? Otherwise, they would not "like" that kind of person. People who drink are going to meet others in bars, for example. If you would like to hang out with a group only without the drinking, you can't get that by trying to find it at a bar.

I like to read, write, and study so you might find me in a college classroom, a library (local Friends of the Library officer, thank you very much; made two of my best friends there), or in an online writing group that also meets face-to-face. I study a particular subject so have hired an expert in the field to help me who, over time, has become a friend.

If you care for your mother, join a local care/support group of other carers. Volunteer a few hours someplace for an interest of yours and meet like-minded people there.

While I agree with Perna that friendship is not a trade and that you don't keep score with friends (or a significant other), I do think there are different types of people out there. I think there are people who cannot help being loyal, helpful and considerate. It's just in their nature. When this dedication (for lack of a better word) is not returned, it can be hurtful. I struggle with this a bit myself. I never go into a relationship with the intention of "keeping score," but I do seem to find that the scales are never quite in balance. And, I'm not really thinking in the short term, but over the long haul. I almost cannot help offering to help a friend out in a time of need. Even if they are not a close friend, if I can be of help in any way, I usually offer. Sometimes, other people's problems just seem easier for me to fix...I'm a planner, pretty organized and responsible. But, I sometimes feel stranded during times of my own need. And this puzzles and confuses me. I definitely have more superficial friendships that are based solely on fun and light conversation...but, even then, if someone mentions that they are taking a trip and don't have a car, it just seems logical for me to offer a ride to the airport (10 minutes with no traffic...a very easy thing to offer)...Strangely enough, when I do need help, there just don't seem to be too many offers out there. I usually just take care of whatever it is on my own, but I am aware of the situation...I try to say to myself, "Maybe I'm just better prepared in life to be a helper....I can't hold it against others for the way they are made or the way they think." But, this can be a bit exhausting and it can leave you feeling a bit alone. The friends that do offer help are very much appreciated...so, I've tried to develop those friendships a bit more and to pull back a bit on the others...I just can't help feeling guilty when I know that I can help someone and I don't offer...it's just the way my brain works. I'm not sure if this is considered co-dependence or not....sometimes working through a problem with someone is actually fun for me...and I try to remember this when I get upset that not as many people seem willing to help me out. Rather than being upset with them, I try (not always successfully) to think "Well, I helped out with an interesting project and learned something from the process...just another trick to add to my repertoire." I still sometimes feel sad though... :-)

One thing my husband taught me with offering to help. . . to him, it's condescending. It assumes the other person needs/wants our help with their problems. Other people are responsible for asking for help, and we are too; if you need something, you have to ask, not assume others have learned to respond as we were forced to by (my mother) our upbringing.

I think some women have a harder time of this than men do; I was trained to notice my environment and respond to need. At cocktail parties my parents gave in the 1950's and 60's, I was to empty ashtrays, collect stray napkins and glasses, pass around hors d'oeuvres, etc. To do that, I had to notice what was going on at a very intimate level! Guys of my generation were not taught to cook, clean, sew, "take care" of others, they were just at work most of the day, came home, ate, and did a few "guy" things, went to bed and got up the next day and did it all again. Very different from the females. I was taught to give men the "larger"/better piece of meat. I got in a funny corner fighting my upbringing once, I deliberately tried to give myself the larger piece of meat for dinner and was so uncomfortable over such a ridiculous situation (we're talking a couple homemade hamburgers, how much "bigger" could one be than the other?) I had to laugh and tell my husband what I was experiencing so he could laugh too.

It's a hard couple of habits to break, not automatically offering to do for others because it makes us less anxious, and having to stick our neck out and ask for what we want instead of assuming someone else will notice and offer, knowing the other person might say "no" and we'll have to ask someone else or figure out another way to get what we want.

Other people telling us their problems is not a license to offer to help solve them; that's their job, even though we might enjoy offering/helping, it does feel good to help others. And, "I'm not doing anything, I can take you!" sounds a little desperate? Then, when they say, "That's okay, Susie is going to take me" we feel as if we have been slighted when it's nothing of the kind; Susie was going to take them all along and if we hadn't "interrupted" with our offer, they might have revealed that after they said "I have to get to the airport at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow; [merely wanting us to commiserate on how early they had to get there] luckily, Susie is going to take me so I don't have to worry about driving in rush hour traffic and paying to park my car. Her office is over there anyway so she can just drop me off on her way to work."

Perna...very interesting points and something for me to ponder (and maybe the original poster as well). I never considered the offer of help to be condescending, but can totally see that this may be happening. I never need to help the female members of my family, because we're all pretty much the same way...I would trust them with any difficult situation and am sure they can all solve their own problems. If I do offer help, it's pretty vague, such as "Sounds like a tough situation, let me know if you need anything." They never do and we all go on our merry way. With respect to my boyfriend and some other social relationships, I actually fear that they sometimes just cannot take care of themselves....While my boyfriend is very handy mechanically, he's just not that great with his business (he hates the small details...but they are the kind of details that can really get you into trouble). My downstairs neighbor is an amazing artist, but she let's our landlord walk all over her.

Recently, though, I stopped intervening with the landlord (he fixes all of my issues right away, maybe because I work for a law firm) and she got so fed up with him that she wrote him a long letter and then called the city to inspect her property. Well, lo and behold if he didn't finally do right by her. I had stopped listening to her complain, stopped sticking my nose into her business, and she ended up fixing her own situation.

I'm really gonna have to learn to hold my tongue until the actual request for help arrives...maybe, it won't and I'll alleviate a lot of stress!

Sorry for highjacking the original post. It just struck very close to home for me this week. Apologies to the original poster.