[peacequest]

I've been divorced from my ex for over five years because of domestic violence on his part. He lives in an apartment and is on social security disability for PTSD, Bipolar disorder, Schizoid-affective disorder, and OCD. I still love him, and it seems he still loves me. In fact, he wants me to reconcile with him and live with me again. Problem is, every time we're together he shows signs of not being mentally balanced; for example, he is obsessed with metaphysical phenomena such that he actually believes he is more enlightened than other human beings and that there is really nothing mentally wrong with him. He doesn't take his meds regularly. His apartment is such a disorganized mess you can hardly move around in it. He admits he'll never be able to work for anyone because of who he is. He appears to be addicted to the computer and internet--it's all he ever talks about, other than talking about his version of spirituality, which is supposed to be superior than most people's. He's still very argumentative and hostile whenever I say anything that even slightly disagrees with his views. I feel sorry for him because he is in such a mess, and if I don't reconcile with him, I'm afraid he'll continue on his downward slope. It's so hard to see someone you love live like that and feel there is nothing wrong. He reports to his psychiatrist once a month and a social worker visits him occasionally. Other than that, he can live in his dream-world. I'd love to be with him again, but I'm not sure I can handle the craziness. And yet I feel if I don't go back to him I'll be abandoning him. Deep down I fear if I did go back it would just be a matter of time before he would become violent again.

[Yoda]

You can't fix him. Can you be a supportive friend but not live together? I think living together would be a huge challenge

[missbelle]

Remember the definiton of insanity is doing the same things over, and over again and expecting a different result.

Yoda is so right...YOU can't fix him.....Only he can fix himself. You will go right down the tubes with him if you go back to him

[Leed]

Please DON'T go back. Like Yoda said, you cannot "fix" him and by enabling that kind of behavior, you're going to be just making him worse. You don't want to 'go along'' with that kind of stuff or he'll really think he's normal and he's not.

You may still 'love' him but I think you feell more pity for him than REAL live. You may feel more responsiblity for him than REAL love. But you don't deserve to live in a nightmare like that and that's just what it is. Are you sure you really want to live in a psycho-type environment like that? Wouldn't you rather have a normal life like most people?

Please, let the professionals take care of him as best they can. You just can't do it. It's time for YOU -- that's why you divorced him. Move on and seek a life of normalcy. You DESERVE IT. You served your time. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee PS -- keep us posted, ok?

[peacequest]

Originally Posted by Yoda

You can't fix him. Can you be a supportive friend but not live together? I think living together would be a huge challenge

Just maybe being a supportive friend might be possible, but if I went on with my life and, say, got involved with someone else or even remarried, he would have a real hard time with that.

Thanks for the feedback

[peacequest]

Originally Posted by missbelle

Remember the definiton of insanity is doing the same things over, and over again and expecting a different result.

Yoda is so right...YOU can't fix him.....Only he can fix himself. You will go right down the tubes with him if you go back to him

Seems like I have to deal with my own dysfunctional thoughts of going back to the same old same old. But, God, letting go is hard. I've come a long way since I divorced him, and I sure don't want to go down the tubes with him. Your feedback is much appreciated.

Now the hard part is to do it, to let go, grrr . . . Is there an easier way? Just wondering.

Thank you again.

[peacequest]

Originally Posted by Leed

Please DON'T go back. Like Yoda said, you cannot "fix" him and by enabling that kind of behavior, you're going to be just making him worse. You don't want to 'go along'' with that kind of stuff or he'll really think he's normal and he's not.

You may still 'love' him but I think you feell more pity for him than REAL live. You may feel more responsiblity for him than REAL love. But you don't deserve to live in a nightmare like that and that's just what it is. Are you sure you really want to live in a psycho-type environment like that? Wouldn't you rather have a normal life like most people?

Please, let the professionals take care of him as best they can. You just can't do it. It's time for YOU -- that's why you divorced him. Move on and seek a life of normalcy. You DESERVE IT. You served your time. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee PS -- keep us posted, ok?

I like your thought--provoking response, especially what you wrote about not wanting to go along "with that kind of stuff or he'll really think he's normal and he's not." I never quite thought about it that way. I'd actually be supporting him in his make-believe, delusional fantasy life.

Thank you so much for the flash of awareness