[Hopefull]

Back when I first started talking to a T, she asked me about my friends. I was only able to name three friends. One is an ex-boy friend who has his own problems-probation, no job, over active sex drive, etc. He has a life crises on a regular basis. "So and so won't talk to me. But, she will date this guy who never bathes. I must be trash. Why is he better than me?" He doesn't seem to do much to change things. I almost never talk to the other friend in another state because my ex-boyfriend calls me every night. I talk to my last friend once and a while. I tell my ex-boyfriend that I am having trouble sleeping and would like to be able to not get a phone call around 9:30 PM. I realize that his life sucks like mine. But, why call me and complain to me when he has a counselor that he can complain to. He doesn't seem to ever talk to his counselor. He just sees the Pdoc for the drug to reduce his sex drive. He tells me that the counselor doesn't help him get a wife so he doesn't want to talk to him. A wife will fix his life, not.
I find that I don't even know how to approach people and ask to hang out with them. I have never ask a fellow church member, co-worker or classmate to hang out with me. I keep thinking about trying with a fellow church member. But, she has a mental health issue and her boyfriend has been having some drinking problems. They sometimes ask for money for things that I don't even buy. They ask me for money for a doughnut or something from a bakery. I don't allow myself to go out to eat much at all due to finances. How's come they feel comfortable asking me for money to do it? I don't want to accidently get tied up with someone as depressing as my ex-boyfriend. He makes me feel guilty for not wanting to spend time with him. I want to help people including him. But, I don't know how since he doesn't seem to use the help that he has.
I hope I haven't offended anyone. I am not trying to imply that people with a mental health issue is always no good as friends. I do find my ex-boyfriend to be more understanding of my squirrelyness. It's just that he doesn't seem to have the ability to respect my need to try to relax before bedtime or my desire to have a day off from the my life sucks and I need a wife now diatribe. I want someone to hug me sometimes. I want to have a friend that is happy sometimes.
Well, maybe this life crises will get by and we can get back to talking about other things. I wish I could convince him to call me once a week and then I think I would be better able to be sympathetic towards his problems.

[razeljenny]

Sounds like you are grateful for what you have. Just hang in there. Try to see the good things that are going right. Try not looking at the things that aren't perfect. We all wish we had more money, better friends but we do have a brand new day to think about fun stuff to do even if it is just walking down the street to buy a Pepsi or going to the store for something small that makes us happy. The best friend that we should have and do have is OURSELVEs and We deserve to hear nice words to US dispite what we should be doing or who we should be getting rid of ,out of or into our lives. The important thing to be happy about Today is that we have one or two real friends, not perfect ones but people in our life. We can always go out and make newer ones towmorrow and as long as we live , WE never know when the opportunity of meeting a brand new friend won't come about or will acutually occur, you just never know! It isn't always permanant friends that are the most important ones either, it could be the smile you give and get from a passer-by or someone that sells you that Pepsi. You just never know! Just stay in there and that is all that matters my friend on the chat board. Keep sharing on the board. Yours truly Razel

[sujunew]

My nurse often asks me about frieinds I could go visit or ring if I want to. Trouble is, I have isolated myself so much that most of the ppl I WAS friends with- I don't even know if they still live in the same houses or have the same ph numbers! If I go through my mobile I see names of many ppl, but off the top of my head the only friends I can really name live at the other end of the country (literally!). My hope is that when I can get out of this current black hole I will have a better ability for keeping in touch with and socialising with my friends. I know that my TRUE friends, who mean the most to me, are the ones that have been there no matter what...it's just a shame they live 2000 odd kms away.
Try to open yourself to the ppl that are there for you, and keep the channels of communication open with acquaintences and other ppl you know. I have found that even if I don't know someone too well, they can always surprise you and in the event of a crisis or something become your next best friend. (A radio presenter who does 'Lovesongs til Midnight' had done heaps of dedications for ex and myself, from before we were married all the way through. When we lost our son 4 yrs ago there was an 'unknown' woman at the funeral that NO-ONE recognised. Turned out she had done her research and found out where and when the funeral was, turned up to support us and is now one of my biggest 'rocks').
*** It's not how MANY friends you have, it is how much they really care for YOU.

[PsychStudent74]

LEARN TO SAY NO! It is ok to put yourself first. As long as you keep giving sounds like they are going to keep taking. Tell your friend from now on you are turning your phone off at a certain time.
Also, when someone ask for something like money all you have to say is I don't have it. You owe no excuse why. Friendship is a two way street.
When I finally started putting my foot down about things I felt so enpowered over my own life. It is a great feeling.
This doesn't mean you can't help pple. It just means it's ok if you don't want to. It is always good to help pple out but when it enter fears with your own self then you need to change it.

Good Luck!

[Hopefull]

My ex-boyfriend went back to jail. I'm trying to figure out how to maintain the friendship without being expected to call the time. I think I might try to call once a week or a little less. I'm not sure how much I might visit and how to do these things yet. A part of me is glad that he is back in because he can't call me every night and he might get some extra help (maybe).
But, the other part of me hates that he gets into trouble because of his extreme needed for a girlfriend/wife. I wish he could find a way to deal with this need better.

[PsychStudent74]

Well since he is in jail you can always write him. Let him know that you will come when you can but don't set a specific day or anything unless thats what you want.
As far as him getting help I think pple who go FIND help get better help than pple who are "caught" and have to get it. (only my opinion)
You seem like a very sweet giving person and it is hard to walk away when someone we care about needs help, but this is a great oppurtunity for him to learn to help himself. Like I said write him, send him some self help books. Other than that you can't fix him. Let him start to depend on himself. When pple are in jail they usually do alot of soul searching and usually have good intentions while they are there but then they get out fall back into the same cycle with the same pple and its a vicious cycle. So if you want to help let him start helping him self. (this is just my opinion)

[Hopefull]

Ex-boyfriend got out of jail. He ended up homeless. I let him borrow my phone but kicked him out into the street due to the "sleeping problem." I did this for two to three days. Now he is staying with his parents again until a place opens up with his old landlord.
I wanted to help him but I didn't want to have him stay the night at my place because I wake up three to four times every night.
I now have a cold. I am worried about how to get rid of the cold while having trouble sleeping. My ex-boyfriend caught a cold from spending the night in the street. I tried to explain that if it wasn't for the sleeping/crying a lot problem I would let him stay a night or two.
I went for a walk sometimes just to get a way from him. Seeing him sitting there made me feel helpless to do anything to help him. I went and hugged a light post for a while. I got caught by some lady. Apparently, that is behavior that is not appropriate. I said that I was in a bad mood.