[HollyC]

So I have been dating my boyfriend for just about 2 years now. Most the time we have a very good relationship. However, every once and while we hit a huge bump in the road. Normally, something happens that is not a huge issue but because it has happened so many other times there is a huge blow up. When this happens, we will not only argue about whatever has just happened but everything else that has happened in the past months. We have talked about how we need to communicate better and I think we are getting better at expressing our feelings. But sometimes think that he is just not able to do what I need at that time. For example, I have migraine heads, that can be pretty bad. I woke in the morning with a headache, which was horrible, and he show no concern about how I was feeling. I was getting sick and he didn't even check on me. When i saw him later in the day, he didn't even ask how was feeling. Some times I need just a little consideration. Is this wrong? things like this happen fairly often. What do you think?

[hamster-bamster]

Have you tried any triptan medications to abort your migraine attacks? Imitrex, Relpax, etc. - there are quite a few.

[optimize990h]

Hello Holly C.! Welcome to PsychCentral!

I guess from what you describe, he did not show much empathy. Do you think this is a weak point of his?

Or is it a lack of intuition? What is his reasoning behind this behaviour?(you are the expert, you can handle this headache or he might think if you are unwell interacting with you may have a negative outcome).

I ask these questions so that both of you will understand each other better. Hopefully, he will learn to response to your needs appropriately.

Another source of info would be how does his father treat his mother? Is he likely to have learned a behaviour pattern as he was growing up?

These are just suggestions about what you described. I focused on understanding the issue so an appropriate remedy will assist a change in behaviour. Plus a deeper understanding between the two of you. So, take what you like, leave the rest behind(I'm not certified therapist-just points to think about).

Both of you take care.

[HollyC]

Optimize990h,

Thank you. I think that the problem that I am having is a little bit of all three that you suggested. He does not have a lot of compassion for anyone about how they are feeling. Nor, does he express his feeling real well. When he is sick, he does not like to be fussed about no matter what is wrong with him. I think a lot of his behavior is learned from his family. His mother passed away a few years ago however, from what I have been told his father was not overly compassionate. He has also told me that in his family they do not express their feelings.

This can make some situations very difficult. I have tried several different ways of dealing with this but none seem to work.