[kyouma]

i really don't know if this is the right place! (i realise now it's a very wrong place, i came on this one for communication issues but i dont know why i thought that now :S)

my parents are religion freaks - sorry for the word - i went for a google search to learn the exact name, i think it's protestantism but i really am not sure. they kind of breathe the church. my mother just is not able to solve a problem without mentioning God and how "the enemy" brings us down and we should pray and believe we can be saved... it's not that i don't respect it, i do, but i think they should have limits. specially because they used to be catholic before and i was raised as a catholic, tho i never kept going to church after finishing catechism (also searched for this word, that study e do when we are kids you know?), i do believe in God but i think this should be for myself, i dont want to live at church and tho i have had thoughts that i would like to know some spiritism centers, i have no one to go with me. spiritism has the thoughts that make me feel more comfortable, tho i'm not against other religions and i like catholic, i dislike the catholic church. it may sound weird that i'm ok with both of these but i believe as long as you believe in God and know He's with us, its good, and i dont need to know secrets of the universe as for asking for answer on our spirits, so i'm fine with catholic you see? i need to live my life and dont worry and dont think of my spirit when my life is over - if i'll have more experiences, if it'll all end, or anything. if i think more on the subject, then i believe in the spiritism ideas. anyways, i was trying to explain but its not what i wanted to talk about so sorry about that

the thing is my parents dont respect my decision. they noticed i've been going through a hard time and tho i decided not to tell them about my girlfriend's parents going against me and that i cant talk to her anymore and i can even get arrested, i cant pretend that i'm all fine, i just can't. two days ago i spent the whole day without eating, and yesterday out of nowhere my grandma asked me if i wanted to go out to get something to eat, it was the first time i'd go out for months!!! and we were at the supermarket, and i almost passed out, she said i turned green haha. sure now we got a lot of cool stuff for me to eat while i'm at my room but, they know i'm going through something. during the day my parents couldnt come to see how i was because they were at some other city for the church - they are so different now from when i was a kid, i wish we had went out more before like they do now - only its all for church, some projects they have and places in other cities and stuff. so at night they came here with my mom's sister and a pastor from somewhere who's staying at their place (weird news for me but alright then), and as usual they cant respect i'm not into their religion, they said: lets start a prayer. put your hands in your heart... the pastor were saying stuff to my dad who would repeat it out loud so we all would repeat, and when they were done doing that, they said: now pray with us, and started doing some very weird noises i mean jesus what is that?? and told me to do the same but i didnt hah honestly, i am sorry if it's rude to any of you guys, but i thought that was ridiculous, for me they were trying to reach the power of their own minds as for believing, and it's not something for me, i respect they believe in that but dont put me in the middle please. and suddenly my aunt started crying like i don't even know like what, and then the pastor turned to me as he saw as wasnt getting any reaction, just tried to keep my head down and wait for them to stop, and when he tried harder to make me do the same, i said, man stop it cant you see how she is??? i mean look at her. then he tried asking if i was feeling better, i said i was fine and went to get my aunt a glass of water.
i don't want to be rude, i don't want to hurt my parents or to mock their religion and beliefs, but why do they do that? why put me in the middle? cant they respect me? they treat me as a child, that i can assure haha tho i'm 20, i know i havent got much and i'm not like an usual 20 years old person, but man...
my grandfather too often comes back at me shouting i'm an idiot, he even said i was a parasite once, and says i dont do anything and i dont have a religion and stuff. i always tell him: i have my own minds, i'm sorry if i disappoint you and you think that way, and i do believe in God but i believe for myself, not to show others.

i'm very sorry for the way too long post

[Leed]

I'm sorry it's so difficult for you. I'm like you. I was brought up Catholic, but I dont like the Catholic Church. I will not GO to the Catholic Church either. They screwed me up as a kid (the nuns did) and I just refuse to go back! BUT, I strongly believe iin God and i'm very spiritual. I have conversations with God all the time. I like those better than prayers because they're more genuine -- they're from my heart whereas the prayers are just words that I've learned. So God and I talk all the time. I feel his presence many times too -- not always, but often.

When I was 17 I told my parents I was NO going back to Catechism, and I was NOT going back to that Church!!! I'd had enough, and I was screwed up enough. After I'd become an adult, I even had to "confront" a priest with how bad I had been messed up by the church -- and i mean MESSED UP!!! It had affected my marriage as well as my mental state.

I think that's why i don't like organized religion now.

But I feel for you. Whatever "religion' your parents belong to sounds mighty weird to me! I don't blame you for resisting it! I'd run for the hills! Take care & God bless! Hugs, Lee

[kyouma]

i like the way you put it, "organized religion" that's what i don't like, and i'm glad to know you understand and i feel the same, i don't want to repeat the same words, i believe God knows i am grateful and my true feelings and thoughts, conversations are a way to truly talk to Him and it should matter only to myself i guess

as for priests and pastors i think its good they can help other people and there are people that actually need them but they should act as normal people, not as if they knew everything :S

haha and it is very weird right? they were out of themselves i didnt get what was that for and even said, what do you think you are doing haha thanks lee! hugs

Hey Kyo,

Well I understand, is all I have to say.

I'm all for spirituality and have beliefs of my own. I tend to keep mine very close to me and private, because it is just that..a very personal belief and experience in my opinion. All I know is that I have a problem when other people pressure others to believe exactly the same things. It's hard, and it's a very sensitive topic.

I don't feel there's anything wrong with what you're feeling or saying. You respect their beliefs you sincerely do...yours just don't align with theirs. It can cause all kinds of problems, especially in families. It's important for your parents to understand that you aren't going to turn out just like them: beliefs and values included.

Have you tried sitting down and talking to them? Giving them specific reasons why you don't feel comfortable with their beliefs, you don't have to be overlly critical, just honest . If they care enough for you, they'll LISTEN at least, they don't have to agree, and you don't have to agree. You can agree to disagree. You can tell them that you respect what they're trying to do, and you see their good intentions...You are an adult afterall, you don't have to go along with them anymore. You can always make a compromise, if they're up for it, too.

I had a friend years ago whose parents forced their beliefs on her and thought that by doing so they could 'cure' her of her 'alternative lifestyle'. Well she really couldn't find any way out of it until she was of adult age and moved out. Now she has limited contact with them, yet doesn't put their beliefs down. Why add more hate and conflict to the situation? She will go to church with them on certain holidays and other family occasions just to avoid conflict...I give her props for having an open mind.

If your integrity is telling you that you will not compromise your own beliefs to appease your parents, you should stand up for yourself. However, this could have consequences in limiting ties with your family. It's quite a messy situation...

Remember that going to church and adopting their beliefs are two different things. Also remember that you're an adult, they can't force anything on you. If you're dependent on them, well that's another story, but you don't want to live a lie either. My heart goes out to you my friend.
Best of luck, let us know how it goes.

[kyouma]

i have to say i didnt expect to think so clear about it as i think i am now, thanks strat! i have talked a few to my mother about it, but i'm gonna try to talk clearly and try to get a better behaviour myself too

[NtrovertedExtrovert]

Hey ky, I'm a 24 yr old woman who was completely disowned by her entire family (southern Baptists) bcuz I didn't fit in to there "perfect" little box. Also, the fact my mother was the only family blemish by becoming pregnant before marriage at 16,getting divorced at 22 (the only divorce in the family & they're a BIG family),loses custody of my brother, & she goes and marries a very well educated WHITE man & has a new kid (me), gets divorced Again, and it just keeps going. * I got pregnant when I was 19, also unwed. I had a lot of help at first from my family, but when my father died my mother went a lttle crazy and threw a remote at me (I was her caretaker) so a cps investigation was made due to violence in the home & I had to sign over temporary custody to someone. I chose my aunt who had never married or had children (a lesbian turned celebate bcuz the family told her she'd go to hell) big mistake. I was suddenly unable to see my daughter and the family did nothing to help me, instead I was told I had to prove myself to them and until then I wouldn't be allowed to see her. This was a way to try and make me conform to there ideals and when I didn't they inturn punished me by continuing to tell my caseworker things like " she NEVER tries to see the baby" when really i didn't go bcuz I was told if I did I would be arrested. Eventually I was forced to sign over my full parental rights to my aunt. I have yet to see my daughter and my family is completely ok with the knowledge of the evil they have done since they feel justified in doing so. My point is that you never know the depth of morality in a person of " religious or biblically influenced power or control. So its best keep ur individual beleifs to urself and humor them. Once u r free and on ur own then gradually make them known, pick ur battles. And ur not a parisite. Family should love you and respect you regardlessly. Beyond that maybe u should remind them this the apropriate age to be searching ur soul and trying to solidify ur personal identity & if u find that ur were wrong (although I think ur right ) then they neednt worry as you can repent and be forgiven. Goodluck

[Cotton ball]

I'm sending you many positive thoughts and hope you find your way.
Its tough... Please hang in there.
Shame on whoever tagged this thread!!!

[kyouma]

thanks cotton ball!

Originally Posted by NtrovertedExtrovert

Hey ky, I'm a 24 yr old woman who was completely disowned by her entire family (southern Baptists) bcuz I didn't fit in to there "perfect" little box. Also, the fact my mother was the only family blemish by becoming pregnant before marriage at 16,getting divorced at 22 (the only divorce in the family & they're a BIG family),loses custody of my brother, & she goes and marries a very well educated WHITE man & has a new kid (me), gets divorced Again, and it just keeps going. * I got pregnant when I was 19, also unwed. I had a lot of help at first from my family, but when my father died my mother went a lttle crazy and threw a remote at me (I was her caretaker) so a cps investigation was made due to violence in the home & I had to sign over temporary custody to someone. I chose my aunt who had never married or had children (a lesbian turned celebate bcuz the family told her she'd go to hell) big mistake. I was suddenly unable to see my daughter and the family did nothing to help me, instead I was told I had to prove myself to them and until then I wouldn't be allowed to see her. This was a way to try and make me conform to there ideals and when I didn't they inturn punished me by continuing to tell my caseworker things like " she NEVER tries to see the baby" when really i didn't go bcuz I was told if I did I would be arrested. Eventually I was forced to sign over my full parental rights to my aunt. I have yet to see my daughter and my family is completely ok with the knowledge of the evil they have done since they feel justified in doing so. My point is that you never know the depth of morality in a person of " religious or biblically influenced power or control. So its best keep ur individual beleifs to urself and humor them. Once u r free and on ur own then gradually make them known, pick ur battles. And ur not a parisite. Family should love you and respect you regardlessly. Beyond that maybe u should remind them this the apropriate age to be searching ur soul and trying to solidify ur personal identity & if u find that ur were wrong (although I think ur right ) then they neednt worry as you can repent and be forgiven. Goodluck

hey, thank you very much for your words and i'm sorry about all that, it really makes me sad to know how people can be :/ perhaps, we see, the most important thing and actually our first step is to be aware of ourselves and our mind, and stay strong!

hugs