Fantastic Girlfriend. Some issues on my end. help

So my situation. Im 28 and in a fantastic relationship with honestly the girl of my dreams.

We met my random chance and right from the beginning I knew there was something special there.

At first we shared alot of details about our pasts, nothing too troubling. I found out that her room mate(whos male) and her were friends with benefits up until I came around.

She hid that from me until it ate her up and she confessed. I was kind of pissy with the situation as I thought it was just weird, she was constantly telling me on how ugly he was, and how undesirable and yet she was sleeping with him.

Ive also found out that she slept with her neighbor ( who I never have seen) but whenever Im around it kind of annoys me, that constant reminder of her with guys before me. On top of that I found out that she slept with a friend of the family whos around for every single family event, and apparently has said terrible things about her, winks at her from the accross the room when Im not looking, other immature things. There was also a time she asked me to check her email for a message, and while reading through her email message which she told me to do I read her talking about how joe was so good in bed, and etc etc etc. She felt like a total bag of garbage, and forgot all the bad stuff was in there, but it was just another thorn.

The kicker was when I found out that she was using hookup sites to have sex with random people.

I am NO angel, but I always beleived in the rule " Dont crap where you eat" so she never has to be around people Ive dated, or had sex with, and it just annoys me of her past decisions.

Now hear me out. I wanted to vent and get that off my chest, and my question is this. Am I completely insane to be affected by these things, would it bug a normal person when they are constantly around people that have had sex with their girlfriend? I love her to death, and know I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

How do I feel better about this situation, Im confident in our relationship, its just the small petty immature details are eating me up, and I want it to be fixed.

I found this forum through searching online and saw that there are therapists on here that answer sometimes, Im really hoping theres one around that would like to tackle this train wreck of a situation.

Thank you

Well, I'm no therapist, but look at it like this. You'll probably be taking her places that you're familiar with -- who's to say you won't run into one of your old sex partners? Are you going to tell her about it? What if it's one of your old girlfriends? Obviously one or ther other will come up and "greet" you, right? Women just love to do that when a guy is with another woman. How is SHE going to feel about THAT?? Do you want her feeliing the same as you?

Even if you don't take her to a familiar place, you're BOUNDt to run into some old girlfriend/sex partner somewhere, sometime. The world isn't that big.

Sounds like you're holding these against your girlfriend. You've got some "forgiving" to do or whatever you want to call it. Get rid of the resentment or the baggage or whatever and get on with your life. If you really love her, it shouldn't matter. Hugs, Lee

One thing you need to know about me is I don't always give LOGICAL advice. I give advice based on my own experiences and sometimes, what I would do. It certainly doesn't mean it is what a Psychiatrist would tell you, and it's quite possible no one else will agree. I just hope you don't take this as me trying to cater to your insecurities and tell you that it's all fine, because that isn't the case.

I guess what you are going through could be considered insecurity. However, as an insecure person myself, I can totally relate. Luckily, the girl of my dreams had never intimately been with anyone else. Or at least from what she told me. I also never was in contact with anyone that claimed to have slept with her, or any of that nature. Mind you, I have only had ONE "girl of your dreams". I have been with many others, and all of the others had other sexual partners and it didn't bother me. Granted, though, I wasn't in LOVE with them.

Had my ex and I had these types of issues, I don't know if I could have handled it. It is certainly disturbing that you had to see all of these different things. It is almost like someone is trying to sabotage the relationship, as it is a bunch of dominoes crashing down. Now, as long as these things are in the past and stay in the past, it's fine. If you had found out that she had cheated on others, or done things that could perhaps be detrimental to your relationship with her, I would get worried. Otherwise, it is in the past and as the poster above me said you will have to forgive her, IF....

The if here is if she is important enough to you. If you really love her, and she is the girl of your dreams as you say, then you two need to work this out together. It starts with you forgiving her for her past. Maybe even sitting down and both of you having a talk about the past and how you feel about each other in the PRESENT. I wouldn't rule out couple's therapy, as I have heard (though never been) that it can really help a relationship. Or, of course, help end a relationship if the two in the counseling realize that they aren't meant to be.

Are you wrong for feeling upset? No. Are you wrong for feeling a little insecure? No. Are you wrong if you decide to stay with her and then hold it against her? Yes. Make sure that doesn't happen. If this is something you can't deal with, then you need to move on to someone with less "baggage", if you will. Be aware though, at your age it would be very difficult to find someone who has not been in the types of situations she has. Most people that age are going to have been in many relationships and intimate relationships at that. Still, with that being said, just make sure you only keep this going if you both still want it and it isn't going to come between you. Otherwise, it isn't a good idea as it will just be Hell from here on out.

I wish you all the best and hope I was able to help in some way. Take care.

Thanks for the replies guys, all of it is good advice. I agree that there are places I could go and run into alot of my past relationships. I choose not to go there. With her its not that easy as she is from a small town, where everyone knows everyone and it is a constant thing.

I get I have to "forgive" her past, but it would be alot easier to "forgive" if it stayed away for a bit, and I didnt bump into one of her exs (FWB) almost every other day.

I have sat down with her and talked about it as I feel communication is a huge deal, and I let her know it bugs me, and she is willing to talk about it and we have, but it still bugs me.

We cant avoid family outings due to some guy being there, same with avoiding her home town.

The main reason I came here is because she is worth it, and I'd rather have bad thoughts every day and be with her then not.

I also dont want to bring it up every time it bugs me as we have talked about it,and I dont want to beat a dead horse

Too much honesty is BAD for relationships.Wish I couldve warned your gf BEFORE she pointed out every guy she's slept with like, wtf are you expected to do with this info? Really? I dont see how its relevant.Something like 'I've been sexually active up until I met you, I think we should get tested' would be enough info. Yes, she could've said its a fwb if you asked,but to ID him? Dont see how that helps you...I think honestly, you 2 should try and close this can of worms, and focus on the future, goodluck.

Lol. Well I found out that her old friend who she's not attracted with used to make out with her and did some inappropriate things for being a friend. Also had one of her old fwbs text her up the other night. Ahhhh man, why can't past issues just go away

The reality of the situation is she has a past - as do you most likely, so you need to decide whether its something you are ever going to be able to come to terms with. If you've had a conversation with her and yet she continues to a pursue a friendship with these people that doesn't really leave you with a lot of options. You are not 'constantly' around her ex's or whatever they were, they've just happened to pop up more frequently than you would have liked. Likewise with the neighbour situation - if you've never seen him how is he a constant reminder? As for finding out about her being on a hookup site - how exactly did you find out? Did you search her internet history or come across the address whilst looking for something else? If there were sites like that on my PC i would delete my browsing history before sharing the internet with someone else. Its also not unusual to forget what gets written in emails but if its something that has been sent recently i would say most of the detail or at least the tone is easy to recall. It could be argued that she doesn't put much effort into keeping these details to herself but the bottom line is you can either walk away or persist in laying down some ground rules i.e. you won't check her emails for her (or use her PC at all if what you find on there makes you uncomfortable), YOU will not be in attendance to these parties where you're uncomfortable (after all no one is making you go right?) and she doesn't need to give you details of past relationships/dalliances. Yes she could have been more upfront with you but the fact is she wasn't. And as for choosing not to go to places where you encounter your ex's - it doesn't quite work like that, you may very well bump into your old flames in the future wherever you go, theres no need to hide your past from her just as theres no need for her to give you uneccessary details about hers. I hope ive been of some help. All the best.