Follow up

Hi again,

I posted last week or so about my boyfriend and a fight we had that his Mom became involved in and I wanted to follow up. We are still having problems.

Either his Mom backed off or was still so upset that she didn't want to see me because I left them alone for a weekend and the following weekend she didn't visit and we got to spend the weekend alone. It was aweeeesome!!! To me a wonderful compromise! Anyhow, the weekend after that my boyfriend and I spent an amazing four days on vacation and had a wonderful time complete with many sunsets and romantic moments. This past weekend I was traveling for work and was too tired to make it down to see him.

So today, he won't answer my phone calls and will only text me. He says he wants a month off for us to both decide what we really want... which of course is ridiculous to me as I decided two years ago to be with him. The only reason he seems to give me for this break up is that I didn't visit this past weekend. He seems to think that it means that I was partying and lied to him about my plans. I'll admit, it was a last min decision not to make the drive to his house but we talked about how that might happen if I was too worn out earlier in the week.

What is going on here? How can someone go from a romantic vacation to a break up so quickly? The change in his personality from just a few days ago to now is dramatic to say the least. And the controlling tone to the whole thing has me a little freaked out. He said something along the lines that I was not ready for marriage because I expressed to much "free will".

RED FLAG!!!! Too much "free will" means that he wants a door mat, not a person. If he doesn't want you to have your own will, then what does he want...a robot to give his mother for Christmas?
I believe in your good sense and your beauty, so you get my full support on this one. Maybe you could talk to him about boundaries. Mutually agreeing on what and where they are might give both of you a chance for some perspective.

Free will, huh? Oh boy. You had BETTER think this one out very carefully. Dearheart, I hate to say this, but I don't think you'd better try to land this one, or you're going to land the mother too. I have a feeling that Mom had a nice long talk with him while you weren't there. You should have driven down there instead of deciding to stay home. BUT, you still would have had to cope with mother regardless. Mom is going to be around if you marry this guy and she's going to be around ALL THE TIME.

Think long and hard. Personally, I'd say goodbye to this one. I was married to a guy who's mother wouldn't stay out of our business and I could have killed them BOTH. It's miserable!

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Despite everyone's good advice we have continued our relationship. The past two weekends his parents haven't visited. They have been granting us our space, finally. But this weekend is his Father's birthday so we will all be visiting at the same time. I am not sure what to say to his Mom. The last time I saw her I tried to talk to her and she gave me the silent treatment... completely ignoring me. Very childish. Should I confront her or wait for her to do so to me?

I don't think I'd "confront" her -- then you're going to make your bf mad. Just be the bigger person and talk to her before she talks to you. Just be nice and polite. No need to bring up any "ugly" stuff. It won't do any good anyway. Let bf take care of any issues you may have with mother. HE is the one who should be takiing care of it anyway. If he doesn't then he's really a "mamma's boy."

Just try to enjoy yourself as best you can. Best of luck & let us know how it goes. God bless! Hugs, Lee

Ha. Thanks. I wasn't going to be ugly about it... but I am the kind to talk about these things and not just pretend they don't exist... which is what his family does. I guess if she doesn't try to talk to me about it, I won't try to talk to her about it!

Nothing releases tention like a good food fight! Not, seriously. that is what it sounds like to me tho.

I think its bizarre how one minute he bemoans your free will and yet the next demands a break. It sounds like this guy isn't sure of his own feelings and i think you're right in saying his tone is controlling - as for the whole free will thing, marriage isn't supposed to be a prison, does he expect you to spend every waking moment with you when you're married? The only thing you can do is sit down and talk things out. If he still wants a break there isn't much else you can do but go along with it and see if he manages to get over whatever insecurities he has about your relationship. Bare in mind though he might just be thinking of breaking up and isn't sure how to broach the subject - by having time away from you he gets to dip his toe in the water and see how things would be like without you. Add to this situation a nightmare of a possible mother in law and you've got a lot to think about. I hope whatever you decide to do works out for the best.